What cut of meat do you get from an extremely tired butcher?
A filet mid-yawn
What do you call a nut with a hairy upper lip?
A mustach-io
If you are what you eat, does that mean all squirrels are nuts?
Q: What’s a donut’s favorite drink?
A: Hole-y water!
Vegetarians can't eat anything with beans in. They don't eat food with a pulse.
How did the fruit get to Hawaii? The pineapple express.
What should you drink before you workout? Sweat-Tea.
Taco Bell overcooked my food
I asked for a brrrr-ito and an en-chill-ata.
What did the nut say when it caught on fire? Roast-nuts, almond fire!
The innocent blueberry got easily framed for the crime because the evidence was a strawberry plant.
What made the baby cookie cry so loud? His mother was a wafer so long.
Are avocados good for your heart?
Yes, they make for great avo-cardio.
Onions are great at being psychologists as they let people cry their hearts out in front of them.
Why did the hipster burn his tongue? Because he drank his tea before it was cool.
A motivated nut is a pecan. Because pe-can do anything.
Why couldn’t the teddy bear finish his dessert?
Cause he was stuffed.
He was showing off his new gaming gadget, "it has the latest peach recognition technology" he said.
Time to celery-brate.
So yesterday I saw a bottle of ketchup steal a bottle of mustard
'Twas saucepicious
Did you hear about the man chopping an onion with the Grim Reaper?
He was dicing with death
What did the pickle say when he was told he was going in to a salad?
I relish the thought.
The peach started acting all funny because it was really fuzzy.
What type of a computer does a horse like to eat? A Macintosh
The only type of cookies a cookie monster loves to eat during Halloween is Ghoul Scout Cookies.
How did the coconut hit on the pineapple? It said ” you are the pina to my colada.”
A cued peach visual communication system is used with people suffering from peach and hearing impairment.
I tried wild ox milk
Turns out I'm yak-tose intolerant
Why is ice cream so bad at tennis?
They have a soft serve.
Why shouldn't you be too inquisitive with a cherry? Ask no questions tell no pies.
What type of wine is notorious for making you drowsy?
Sauvign-yawn blanc!
What do you give a dog with a fever? Mustard, it's the best thing for a hot dog.
How do you make an apple puff? Chase it round the garden.
What do you call a musical lime?
John Lemon.
Where were the first orange trees planted?
“In Orange County.”
One should always practice what they peach.
Which search engine is popular amongst mice? Ask Cheese.
Why did Wonder Woman rescue the Wine?
Because that's what grape lady superheroes do!
Have you heard about the pig who killed his own farmer? He did it to save his bacon.
Why did the banana go to the hairdressers? Because it had split ends!
Why did the hamburger dress up as a computer? Because he wanted to be a Big Mac.
What did the nectarine boxer say to his opponent? "You want a peach of me?"
A narwhal is just a tuna-corn.
The farmer went nuts because he was told it’s more profitable that way compared to other crops.
What do you call a frozen frankfurter? A Chili dog.
Shucking takes lots of corn-centration.
Inviting cherries over for a drinks party is easy. Simply start your invitation with “You are cordially invited…”
What do you call a small Subaru car covered in road salt?
An Impretzel!
What do you call a communist onion? You call it a red onion.
How do you know if you’ve had enough coffee?
You channel surf faster without the remote.
When should you take a cookie to the doctor? When it feels crummy. What do the cookie and the computer have in common? They both have chips.
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