I was caught smuggling a taco into the new star wars movie...
...they now call me Rogue Juan
Bad vegetable puns are dreadful.
It’s a truly rotten experience.
What cheese is made backwards?
Edam.
Where do you store peach juice? Inside of a peach-er.
What did the street cheese say after he got attacked by several blades? I've felt grater.
What is the name of the country near Iraq that is made entirely of cheese? Curd-istan
The peach couple from school is totally in love. They seem so perfect for peach other.
What kind of cheese do alcoholics eat?
Livarot.
I can't stand Greek salads.
I like un-feta'd access to my greens.
Knock, knock
Who’s there? CIA CIA, who? CI ate your last doughnut!
I've just invented a new Canadian beer
It's a form of I.P.Eh
What did the caffeine addict name his cats?
Cream and Sugar.
"Alcohol you later."
How does the Skywalker family like their tea?
Lukewarm.
Oh no! My wine glass is empty. Somebody call Wine-One-One!
Oranges rarely pass driving tests, this is because they keep on peeling out.
What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven?
Angel food cake, of course!
Avoid discussing coffee in sensitive company. It can make for a heated and strong debate.
What was the donut’s least favorite part of its day?
I’m not really sure; it glazed over that part.
Strawberries are the most bullied of the fruits.
They're always getting picked on.
The mama nut told her children to kick off their dirty cashews before stepping into the house.
I heard that my neighbor, who loved dried fruit, has passed away. May his soul rest in peach.
Which religious figure does dairy products worship? Cheese-us!
The fruit teacher taught figures of peach in today's class.
I recently got a new job as a golf caddy, but I was fired after less than an hour.
The guy asked me for a sand wedge. I don't think he likes pickle.
What does a posh salad shout before it's eaten?
KELP!
What's the best Beatles' song to play at a coffee shop? Latte Be.
How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.
Shucking takes lots of corn-centration.
What did the M&M go to college? Because he wanted to be a Smarty.
What do the ducks have for dinner? They have Quackers and soup.
Have you heard about the chocolate box thief? He’s always got a few Twix up his sleeve.
What cheese cries the most?
Babybel.
What did one bread lover say to the other?
Before I break down and rye, I want you to know that I loaf you.
What's a barista's favorite morning mantra? Rise and grind.
Me: I think I'll take a dip in the pool.
Lifeguard: What ya got there?
Me: Hummus.
My doctor said I need to change my diet. He said I should eat more more caviar and drink more champagne. So, I said, "That's insane! What kind of a diet is that?" He replied, "It's called a High Fluten Diet."
Did you hear what happened to the girl who twisted her ankle in the cow’s pen? She was milking her injury!
Why did Eve want to leave the garden of Eden and move to New York ? She fell for the Big Apple !
Hundreds of chickpeas were found dead the other day. The police say it's a hummuside.
What kind of fish is only made of salt.
A tu-na.
Why are lemons safer than limes?
There’s no such thing as lemon’s disease.
How do you make dog bread? You use collie flour.
What did the waitress say to the customer who wanted free guacamole?
“You can kiss my Hass.“
What’s that green head of something that is the main part of a salad?
Lettuce think about it.
What do u get from a perverted apple? Hard Cider.
How did the fruit get to Hawaii? The pineapple express.
What do you call a cow that has 1 leg? Steak
What happened to the renegade donuts?
They went down in a glaze of glory.
What do get when you cross a chili pepper, steam shovel, and a Chihuahua? Hot, diggety dog.
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