It’s time to think outside the pizza box.
The fruit bat ate the orange because of its appeal. It had such a nice color.
Why does a cow hate artificial milk? Because the substance is pow-dairy.
Why did the birthday cake go to the doctor?
Because it was feeling crumby!
No one likes sausage puns, they are the wurst!
What do you call a girl with no arms, no legs, sitting in a watermelon patch?
“Melanie! (melon-y)”
What is a cow's favorite deli meat? Bull-ogna!
"Read between the wines."
I lost one pea from my plate at dinner the other day. It was an escape-pea.
What do you call a pair of cornstalks that are best friends?
Ear buds!
What did the vegetable say at the party?
Lettuce turnip the beet!
What's the motto of vegetables? Don't worry, pea happy.
Which nut is the worst for your diet?
Donuts.
I've written a book about a very grumpy British pea farmer, it's called "Mind your peas and queues."
My mom is really soup-rised at the outcome when she puts yeast in the broth.
I went into the library and asked for pint of milk. The librarian said 'this is a library'. So i whispered 'I'd like a pint of milk please'.
What did the cornfield say when it heard rain coming?
That’s music to my ears!
I had this disturbingly long dream that I was making a salad.
I was tossing all night.
She drank so much coffee at work, she considered it part of her daily grind.
"You had me at merlot."
What happens to a cherry tree when it grows up? It blossoms.
How do you know it’s getting kind of serious with a cheese lover?
They tell you they are pretty fondue you.
Why do oranges wear suntan lotion? They peel in the sun.
One should always practice what they peach.
What's a barista's favorite exercise at the gym? The French press.
What do you call someone who eats too many eggs?
An egg-oholic.
I am a peach, and when my husband accompanies me, we are a pear.
I sent back the soup served to me at the restaurant. It was not of soup-reme quality.
When Berry the dog dug up the woman's strawberry patch, she angrily exclaimed "That is the final straw, Berry."
Who wrote the book "Great Egg-spectations"?
Charles Chickens.
Why did the butcher work overtime at the grocery store? To make ends meat!
What do baristas say to their least-favorite customers? You mocha me crazy.
What is the best part of Valentine’s day?
The day after, when all the chocolate goes on sale.
Why did the citrus fruit join the military?
“Because it was a navel orange.”
Which cow has great pickup lines? A cow which is smooth as milk.
What do you call a potato that smokes weed? A baked potato.
What cheese do beavers like? eDam
What drink brings you down to earth? Gravi-Tea.
What did Shakespeare say as he was making a cheese plate?
To brie or not to brie.
Fine Wine Pick-Up Line: Hey babe, what are you doing this fall? 'Cause I'd like to make you part of the season's harvest.
My Ex Girlfriend stole my Hummus.
I told that chick, peace
What happened to the criminal magician who ate to much salt?
Cardiac arrest.
What do you call a pig that can tell you about his ancestors? History in the bacon.
The IT peach-guy is an expert in the field of peach synthesis.
My banana grandad got in an accident last year, he bruised like a peach!
What do you do with epileptic lettuce? You make a seizure salad!
In a romantic date, Romeo says to Juliette “Baby! You are the pineapple of my eyes!”
A man went to his psychiatrist and complained that every time he drink coffee, he would get a stabbing pain in his right eye.
The psychiatrist said, “Well, have you tried taking the spoon out?”
Know what kind of cookies rich people love? Fortune cookies.
What is the most affordable type of meat? Deer, it is always under a buck a pound.
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