What kind of nuts come in cans?
Creamed a-corn.
What’s a calendars favorite fruit?
Dates.
How do you make Pig Jerky?
Give them some coffee.
I told my dad I wanted world peace. He said whirled peas sounded horrible.
Why are cherries unassuming? Because they often get made into humble pie.
I burnt my Hawaiian pizza.
I should have used aloha temperature.
"It's wine o'clock."
Why did the farmer decide not to buy an extra phone? It was because he already had one for onion rings.
"Adulting makes me wine."
What do fruit bowls say when they dress up as a ghost on Halloween? Be cherry afraid!
I love you from my head tomato
One bowl of soup said to the other, "Hello Broth-er".
Peaches tend to be really mean. After all, they have hearts of stone.
I had no clue how much lettuce to buy, so I called my wife from the grocery store.
Turns out two heads are better than one.
Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I'm OK, but I feel like I've dyed a little inside.
What is the opposite of Chocolate? Chocoearly.
I am pretty sure that the favourite soup of Dracula is the Scream of tomato.
Why is the corn army so dysfunctional?
Cause there are too many Kernels.
What is the perfect name for a sad strawberry? It is called a blueberry.
I came across a man who was eating strawberries at the bank. He told me he wanted to eat rich food.
Q: What video games do fruits play?
A: Peach ball.
The national news did a story on my friend's bumper crop of green citrus fruits.
He loves being in the limelight.
What's green and swims in the sea?
Moby Pickle.
A cream-filled donut and an eclair decided to get a divorce.
It’s a sad story, but the real victims are their children. They’re in for a grueling custardy battle.
What’s another name for a chess-nut? A nut who loves chess.
Why did the wine connoisseur insist on drinking from an old tire?
He heard it was a Goodyear!
What did the artichoke say to the man eating a salad? Have a heart.
I was visiting my dear old Grandpa the other day when he said to me, "Let me give you a bit of advice. You can't make an omelette..."
"Without breaking eggs?" I finished for him.
"No. You can't make an omelette," he said, as he scraped it into the bin.
What are ice cream cones like as parents?
They’re big softies.
What do you call a vegetable planted at a whore house?
A brothel sprout.
Due to unusually successful harvests of chickpeas this year, the price of hummus is going to fall dramatically.
Buy the dip.
What is a potato’s life philosophy? I think, therefore I yam.
There’s this corn on the cob stand that I really like, but it started making ads
They were really corny.
One day a apple saw a banana without its peel. The apple asked banana, where is your peel? He replied, people are always taking off my clothes.
What’s an apple’s favorite restaurant? Applebee’s.
What happened to the man who turned into a pistachio?
He became a shell of who he once was.
How did the cheese get such curly hair?
It got a permasan.
Onions are unable to store water inside them because there is always a leek.
On which website will you learn about the hidden gossips and secrets of the onion world? On the website Wiki-Leeks.
Nut cookies are the best gifts for nutty friends.
What's yellow and writes? A ball-point banana.
My doctor said I need to change my diet. He said I should eat more more caviar and drink more champagne. So, I said, "That's insane! What kind of a diet is that?" He replied, "It's called a High Fluten Diet."
Keep calm and carrot on.
What happens if a cashew falls down your shirt?
It becomes a chestnut.
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Banana. Banana who? Knock knock Who’s there? Banana. Banana who? Knock knock Who’s there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you glad I didn’t say banana?
“My favorite color is tangerine- isn’t that orange-inal?”
When should you go on a cheese diet? If you need to cheddar a few pounds
Why does your grandma like wine so much?
Because at her age, she needs glasses!
Why couldn’t the teddy bear finish his dessert?
Cause he was stuffed.
Why did the lettuce stop dating the mushroom?
He though she was a pretty fungal, but didn't have mushroom on its schedule.
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