I was asked why I love to clean lemon juice from windows, to which I replied
“It’s easy peasy lemon squeegee.”
If you want day-old soup, then come back here tomorrow!
What's green and wears a cape?
Super Pickle.
Why should you live a pineapple life? Because Life is sweet.
What’s the most supportive beer?
Root beer.
I tried to make my own condiments but, the recipes change so fast, it's hard to ketchup.
What’s Another Name For iPhone Chargers?
Apple Juice.
Why did the ice cream truck break down?
There was a rocky road.
If you can't get Swine Flu from eating bacon what can you get? A1: Obesity A2: Heart Disease A3: Hardening of the Arteries.
What kind of tea did the American colonists want? Liberty.
What is a vampire's favorite fruit?
A blood orange.
Where did the spinach go to have a few drinks? The Salad Bar!
My friend was totally addicted to the cold meat section in our local supermarket. It got so bad, they had to quit cold turkey.
What is a scarecrow’s favorite fruit?
Strawberries.
What did the avocado say to the fork? “You guac my world.”
An Native American drank 100 cups of tea.
Next day they found him dead in his tea pee.
The unluckiest berry in the group is the one that drew the short straw-berry.
What do you call a dinosaur that drinks curry? A Mega-sore-arse.
A berry funny strawberry candy is called a Laffy taffy.
"Cabernet. More like, caber-yay!"
What kind of ice cream does Dracula eat?
Veinilla.
Why is it called Almond Milk?
Because no one would buy it if it was called Nut Juice.
What do you call it when a taco stands in your way ?
An obs-taco
Pizza: the only time top-less isn't fun
Why did the peach go to the therapist? It was in a pit of despair.
Happy Birthday to my best spud….get it? ? Spud…bud? ?
Why was the peach so sad at the funeral? It left a deep pit in its heart.
Why does bread looks so bad in photographs?
It’s just too grainy.
Avoid discussing coffee in sensitive company. It can make for a heated and strong debate.
Hundreds of chickpeas were found dead the other day. The police say it's a hummuside.
Where's the best place to get information about eggs?
The hen-cyclopedia.
How are a car and a bicycle similar?
“You can’t make watermelon juice out of either of them.”
What happened to the cherry that got married to an apple? They are living apple-y ever after.
When the giant cannibals started to soak me in vinegar, I'd had enough.
"Why don't you pickle someone your own size?" I shouted.
Why did the pig go into the kitchen? He felt like bacon.
My son just tried to tell me a joke about pumpkins.
Oh, gourd, was it awful.
How did the roommate who stole the last avocado from the fruit bowl justify her thievery?
“I know it’s wrong, but it feels so ripe!”
What do you call a baby potato? Tater tots!
My doctor told me "No more spicy food.", but I decided to have one last fennel fling.
What do you call a dentist who doesn't like tea? Denis.
What do you call a spinning potato? A rotate-o.
What is a cheese’s favorite kind of philosophy?
Epistemology and fetaphysics.
Did you know that you can get a slice of lemon pie in Cuba for $1.50, but in Jamaica you can get key lime pie for $1.00?
Those are the pie rates of the Carribean.
What is an elf's favorite kind of birthday cake? Shortcake!
When can a pizza marry a hot dog? After a very frank relationship.
Why is the chef so mean?
He beats the eggs.
What's so special about twitter alphabet soup? It only has 140 letters.
Where do the best kola nuts come from? Kolafornia.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef!
Q: Why does the cherry have a hard time getting along with others?
A: It has crust issues.
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