What did the boss say to his pizza during their meeting?
There’s mushroom for improvement.
What’s the difference between coffee and your opinion?
I asked for coffee.
What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven? Angel food cake, of course!
What pizza do dogs eat?
Puperoni.
If Santa made love to a pickle, what would they call their baby?
Claussen.
You knead me in your loaf.
I'm on a seafood diet. Every time I see food, I eat it.
What do you give to a sick lemon?
lemonaid.
The spoiled milk always got what it wanted.
This year I'm carving my pumpkin to look like an intricate ball of rope, so it can be a gourd-ian knot.
What did the waitress say to the customer who wanted free guacamole?
“You can kiss my Hass.“
What do you call a pair of cornstalks that are best friends?
Ear buds!
Everyone makes fun of him for using old coffee, but he insists it has the greatest sedimental value.
When do bakers stop making donuts?
When they get tired of the hole thing.
What do you call a pickle doctor?
A dill pusher.
Salami get this straight - you don't like meat puns?!
What did the apple say to the almond? You're Nuts!
What would happen if pigs could fly? The price of bacon would go skyrocket.
Where do squirrels go for fun?
The acorn-ival.
What do you call a Vegetarian with diarrhea? A Salad Shooter.
Thanks to you, I’m saddled with unnecessary peelings.
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you going to let me in?.
What do you call a walnut in a narwal costume? A nar-walnut.
What do you call a dinosaur that drinks curry? A Mega-sore-arse.
What did Mrs. Pea say to his wife after she refused to listen to her? "I don't care, just do as you peas."
Unlike peaches, nectarines don't have any fuzz, because they suffer from Alo-peach-ea.
What do you call a watermelon that spends all day at the beauty spa? Must be a hottermmelon.
What do you get when you put Cola in an oven?
Baking soda.
Have you heard about the pig who killed his own farmer? He did it to save his bacon.
I saw a pun on chocolate bars but it wasn’t that fun
So I just snickered.
Why couldn’t the donut reach enlightenment? Because it was already holy.
I think it’s funny when I ask girls whether they would spit or swallow my seed if I was a watermelon. Unfortunately, almost all of them reply not in a hundred melon years.
What has 100 teeth and eats wieners? A zipper!
In the 1970s, hippies loved going to a Grateful Dead concert and getting toasted. That’s certainly the truth.
Did you hear the one about the pecan, the walnut, and the cashew?
It was nut funny.
Why did the cheese shop owner finally quit the business?
He was tired of the daily rind.
What do we call a chicken inside a hot tub? – It is called soup.
What is John Lennon's favorite donut? Strawberry' Filled Forever.'
I seem to have run out of tea...
What a catastrotea.
"I just want some peach and quiet!," said the orange.
I tried wild ox milk
Turns out I'm yak-tose intolerant
What did one Jack-o-lantern say to the other? Cut it out!
If you are wondering about the fuzziest character in the gaming world, well it is definitely Princess Peach.
How did I make the mango tree fit in my flower-pot?
I planted it.
Why do pumpkins never quarrel? Because they have no stomach for fighting.
What do you call two male avocados who hang out and drink together?
Avocabros.
Why did the orange turn into orange juice?
It couldn’t handle the pressure.
How did the Mother Banana spoil the Baby Banana? She left him out in the sun too long.
As a butcher, let me advise you never to back up into the meat grinder. It will make you get a little behind in your work.
What do you call a sweet onion? Caramelized!
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