What’s the best part of a cow? The topside, of course.
Why did the coffee bean keep checking his watch? Because he was pressed for time.
How do you make dog bread?
Just use collie flour.
What song was the peach listening to? 'Stronger with Peach Tear'.
Why did the pineapple suddenly stop the car in the middle of the highway? Because it just ran out of juice.
I met a girl that owned three french-fry factories. I was impressed but to her it was just small potatoes.
What did Bacon say to Tomato? Lettuce get together!
“My bowl of soup must be cracked as it is all wet down here”. “Well, I guess it is because your soup has a leek in it.
What Welsh cheese must you always eat with caution? Caerphilly
What rhymes with orange?
No, it doesn’t.
Why did the orange become juice?
It couldn't handle the pressure.
I was making a salad the other day, and I thought I heard a small red vegetable that was a bit like an onion whispering. Must have been a hoarse radish.
What's a vampire's favorite fruit?
A neck-tarine.
What did the cheese say after escaping the mouse? I'm Brieeee!
"Another glass? Wine not?!"
One day on the highway, I saw a packet of onions and cheese walking down the road. When I offered them a lift, they declined by saying that they were 'Walkers'.
Why is ice cream so bad at tennis?
They have a soft serve.
Why is the corn army so dysfunctional?
Cause there are too many Kernels.
One bowl of soup said to the other, "Hello Broth-er".
Why was the backstroke done by the squirrel?
“The squirrel preferred to maintain his nuts dry.”
National Herbs and Spices Day is celebrated annually on June 10.
How do you catch King Kong? Hang upside down and make a noise like a banana.
I'm the pun King of Halloween.
I gave my toddler peas for the first time. He wasn't very hap-pea.
What kind of birthday cake do they serve in heaven?
Angel food cake.
A dog in a pumpkin patch is called...
a pumpkin pooch.
He is the best chef in the city. His soups take my broth away.
Some cherry puns are just pit-i-ful.
Astronauts can't open milk bottles in space. 'In space, no one can. Here, use cream'.
A strawberry screamed at the other, "Were it not that ripe, we wouldn't have ended up in this jam."
No one likes sausage puns, they are the wurst!
In the last peach race, I put $30 peach way on two new racers.
What is a monster's favorite food? Ghoul scout cookies.
I've been feeling really down recently so I thought I'd cheer myself up by making a nice cheese and pickle sandwich.
But when I picked up the pickle jar, it said "reject if depressed", so now I'm off to take an overdose.
It’s time to think outside the pizza box.
The soup was busy and preoccupied. He was stewing over something his friend said.
Why is it called Almond Milk?
Because no one would buy it if it was called Nut Juice.
What do you call a nut with facial hair?
A mustachio.
What does a mommy cherry say to her children? I love you cherry much.
What do you call a pear who plays the trumpet? A tooty fruity.
What do peach soldiers say to each other before they are sent into combat? – “Good luck and make sure you come back in one peach!”
What word backwards can predict the future? Cookies (Seikooc as in psychic of you say it).
Onions are great gymnasts as they have the advantage of swinging on the onion rings.
Where do cows write down their most intimate thoughts? Inside of their dairy.
Why didn't the unripe strawberry got any cards and chocolates for Valentine's Day? Because it was really sour.
Why did the orange get insurance?
Zest in case.
It’s common for people with heartbreaks to crumble.
What’s the most disgusting type of nut?
The cash-ew.
Why do people love juicy pineapple? Because it “ripens” their day.
The apple says to the pineapple “What? Go out with you tonight? It will not happen in a million years!” Since then, we have a crushed pineapple.
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