What do you call 2000 pounds of Chinese soup? Won Ton.
Why did the hummus blush?
Because it saw a chickpea!
Why was the potato put in an asylum? It was starch raving mad.
A fruit was madly in love, it was peachy–keen.
My friends say that I cannot cook alphabet soup for this dinner. And now they are eating their words.
What’s the most disgusting type of nut?
The cash-ew.
I have to spill my guts, I love Halloween!
Why was Tony Soprano fat? Cause he thought getting a slice of the pie was a piece of cake.
What do you call a communist vegetable
a soviet onion.
What did the ice cream cone write on his valentine card?
You make me melt.
Why did the hare go to the taco truck?
He couldn't beat the tortas.
My wife won't let me become a bean farmer. Why won't she just let me work in peas!
Dad fertilized the garden with corn starch.
The plot thickens.
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What do you call mountain climbing corn?
Mountain-ears.
I've written a book about a very grumpy British pea farmer, it's called "Mind your peas and queues."
What would a pineapple say to a pineapple pie? You have some crust.
What do you get if you cross a pumpkin with a bigfoot?
A Sasquash.
Where does Thor grow his vegetables?
In his Asgarden.
What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck? Milk and Quackers!
Why does bread hate hot weather?
It just feels too toasty.
What did the vegetables say to the Salad Dressing? Lettuce all smile.
If you’re looking for potato puns, you can count on me to chip in.
How do the New England Patriots eat their soup? In a Super Bowl.
When I told my friend an onion pun, he started crying. I asked whether they were tears of happiness?
The retiring orchard gardener made a farewell peach that was really heart-warming.
A dog in a pumpkin patch is called...
a pumpkin pooch.
What do you drink before you audition for "The Voice" ? Tea-Lo Green
What's a barista's favorite morning mantra? Rise and grind.
Why did the citrus fruit join the military?
“Because it was a navel orange.”
How do little avocados get what they want?
They spread it on thick.
What do you call a baker with a cold?
Coughee cake.
What's green and swims in the sea?
Moby Pickle.
What did the mom cheese tell the little boy cheese when he got hurt on his bike?
“Gotta take the gouda with the bad.”
What do you call a chicken staring at a salad?
Chicken sees a salad.
A lorry load of pears has crashed on the motorway. It’s caused a huge jam.
Is it bad to swallow a cherry whole? No don't worry, it's just one of the pitfalls of life.
Why did the orange help the old lady cross the road?
To do a random act of rindness.
What does a loaf of bread say when breaking up with his girlfriend?
You deserve butter.
What’s a nut’s favorite scary movie?
The Creature from the Black Legume.
What type of egg refuses to come out of his shell?
An egg-arophobic.
A chap goes to see the doctor with salt on one ear and pepper on the other. The doctor says, “You need to start eating more sensibly”.
Who did the Caribbean jerk fall in love with? The Spice Girl next door.
I know a pea that's a famous singer. He's a VIP.
Hello my name is lettuce, and I was going to the grocery store...
Ah, I’m getting ahead of myself
Every girl is just like a pineapple: They both have many pointy defences, but they are still sweet and adorable.
What do politicans need to drink? Honest-Tea.
Why did the Iron Chef have to stop cooking? He ran out of Thyme.
What do you call an onion who decides to be very eco-friendly in its approach? You name it a green onion.
You spilled your entire cup of coffee? What's sumatra with you?
What do you find when you swallow peas whole?
Inner peas
Some people say popcorn is hard to chew. There’s a kernel of truth to that.
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