Don't drink too much coffee after breakfast. You might face a latte problems.
What do you get when you play Tug-of-War with a pig? Pulled-Pork
I hear Jake finally broke up with his crazy grocer girlfriend; never could tell water problem was.
“I can’t breathe” One potato said to the other. “What happened? ” The other said. The potato replied “I
feel I dropped my nose somewhere”
What is the similarity between a superhero and an onion? They both have layers.
I can't use my laptop anymore because someone spilled apple juice on it.
It was a cider attack.
Why did the burglar break into the bakery? Because he heard the cakes were rich.
I recently got a new job as a golf caddy, but I was fired after less than an hour.
The guy asked me for a sand wedge. I don't think he likes pickle.
Why can't the bankrupt cowboy complain? He's got no beef.
What's green and sour and swims in an aquarium?
A tro-pickle fish.
Dad Ordered Taco Bell
Asked how many Dillas come in their Ques 'a Dillas
How do you get the most apples at Halloween? Take a snorkel.
If you’re looking for potato puns, you can count on me to chip in.
Vine Thought of the Day: Choosy moms choose wine!
What did Shakespeare say as he was making a cheese plate?
To brie or not to brie.
A major produce organization is reeling after multiple reports of tainted lettuce.
We may soon witness the falling of the Romaine Empire.
Why do workers at the dairy factory always need a charger? Their milk is stuck at 1%.
Who is the best kung fu vegetable?
Brocc lee.
What do you call an onion who decides to be very eco-friendly in its approach? You name it a green onion.
What do cherries say to their best friends? You are cherrific!
What is a scarecrow’s favorite fruit?
Strawberries.
What do you call a dentist who doesn't like tea? Denis.
How do you make an apple puff? Chase it round the garden.
Cherries are actually great at a lot of different sports. Their favorite one, in case you were wondering, is archerry.
My wife was trying to feed our son a pear, and he was refusing.
I said, Good news. Our son is immune to pear pressure.
What fruit loves chocolate?
A cocoa nut.
Vampires love cookies too, they love No-stake cookies.
So I asked Satan if he had any milk I could drink...
He told me "No whey in Hell!"
Remind your kids not to overdo it on the pumpkin pie this time of year.
Or they might get autumn'y ache.
Sheep have a clever way of keeping all their four feet warm in the winter; they wear muttons.
What does a birthday cake and a baseball team have in common?
They both need good batters.
My girlfriend spilt hummus all over her...
Can't believe that chick pea'd herself.
What do you call someone who steals from the keebler elves? A crook-ie
Be like a pineapple: wear a crown, stand tall, and be always sweet on the inside.
What do you call a pickle that got run over on the road?
Road dill.
What happened to the pineapple who was turned down for a date? Crushed pineapple.
What sport are eggs best at?
Running.
What do you call it when you walk into a coffee shop and feel like you've been there before? Déja-brew.
Why is peanut butter a bad secret keeper? Because it tends to spread it and not keep it.
What is the executioner’s favorite vegetable?
A head of lettuce.
Q: Why did peas jump out of an airplane?
A: They wanted to be air pods.
What do dairy products say when they make a basketball shot? Colby!
When the strawberry's favorite song came on, he exclaimed "That's my jam!"
What is the greeting that Korean onions tell each other when they meet in the streets? They say 'Onion-Haseyo'.
Why does a cow hate artificial milk? Because the substance is pow-dairy.
Wine Connoisser Point to Ponder: Did Marilyn drink Merlot?
Why did the students eat their homework?
Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.
What did one Jack-o-lantern say to the other? Cut it out!
Whats the name of the movie about Bacon? Frankenswine, or you can go see Hamlet.
A crayon that looks like a strawberry is usually called a cranberry.
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