I sat on some peas in the car. It was a bumpea ride.
At a meeting, Mr. Tomato asked Mr. Peach, "Can you give me the peach cobbler's number, I need to mend my shoes".
What do dogs like to drink? Kit-Tea.
I'm worried that the milk I got this morning was from a cloned cow. It tasted exactly like the milk I had yesterday.
My town always holds a contest to see which beer drinker's belly is biggest by seeing how far it goes past a line...
That's the paunch-line.
Why can't you tease egg whites?
Because they can't take a yolk.
"Rosé all day."
People say nothing rhymes with orange. It seems very strange to me.
Why did the hipster burn his lips?
He ate his pizza before it was cool.
"You are so bottlefull to me."
There’s a hair in my wine. The grapes must have been fur-mented.
Apples are red. Grapes are blue. Pineapples are sweet. And so are you.
What do you call it when vegetables have siblings?
Pumpkin.
You are the best, I feel so peachy when I am with you!
I lost 90 pounds in 30 days on the juice diet
Every day I bought one juice for 3 pounds.
A scarecrow's favorite fruit to eat is straw-berry.
If you're in a food fight, always throw peas. We need to give peas a chance.
I came across a man who was eating strawberries at the bank. He told me he wanted to eat rich food.
What did the banker want from the baker?
To pump her nickels.
The arrogant baker declared, “You’ll never hear a complaint about my doughnuts outside this shop window.”
The customer agreed, “It must be the double glazing.”
What is a strawberry's favorite music band? Pearl Jam.
Why was red in awe of orange?
“Because orange blue green.”
What do you call two banana skins? A pair of slippers
You better watch out before you play a game with any bread? Baguette ready to lose.
"Will you accept this rosé?"
Why can't chefs play baseball? They always get caught trying to steal a basil.
Why did the peach go to the therapist? It was in a pit of despair.
The veggie lover was a total stalk-er.
The pancake thought he was the best breakfast food because nobody stacked up to him.
Why did the hare go to the taco truck?
He couldn't beat the tortas.
I earned money by selling broth. Now I am a bouillonaire.
Singular: One mango
Plural: Two menwent
Why did the man lose his job in a fruit packing firm? He kept throwing the bent bananas away.
What do you drink with the Queen of England? Royal-Tea.
When the little boy was baking a cake why did it run away? Because it said crack 2 eggs then beat it!
My girlfriend spilt hummus all over her...
Can't believe that chick pea'd herself.
What happened when rockers couldn't get their favorite dessert? Rage against the Broken Ice Cream Machine.
Americans were preparing peach gelatos, to demonstrate it's right to freeze peach!
What did the two onions who were lovers say to each other before being separated? "Our love will forever go-nion on!"
What do you get when you cross an apple with a Christmas tree? Pineapple.
What's the best way to get King Kong to sit up and beg? Wave a two-ton banana in front of his nose.
Where do eggs go on holiday?
New Yolk.
What do you call an evil lemon?
Sour On
I was making a salad the other day, and I thought I heard a small red vegetable that was a bit like an onion whispering. Must have been a hoarse radish.
I replaced the milk in the carton with lemon juice. Everyone was really sour about it.
National Herbs and Spices Day is celebrated annually on June 10.
If your doctor tells you to go on a low sodium diet, do you take his advise with a grain of salt?
Why does every watermelon want to be in the Guinness book of records? Because there’s a lot of watermelon smashing to be done.
Why is green ice cream so serendipitous?
It was mint to be.
What does a cat like to eat on his birthday?
Mice cream and cake!
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