What do you call a pine-nut in an apple costume? A pine-apple.
Meat cutters are really no good at stand up comedy; they tend to butcher all the best jokes.
What do you call a pickle you got at a cheap price?
A sweet dill.
Strawberries are considered to be the most bullied fruits because they're always getting picked on.
I recently bought my grandson a vegetable-themed pogo stick exclusively made from spring onions.
Where did Vegans come from?
Hummus Sapiens
What’s the best thing you can put in a halloween cookie? Your teeth.
Why did Oreo go to the dentist? …
Because he lost his filling!
Eggs - the original boneless chicken.
I recently read a book by an onion which had opened up on its life. Midway through the book, I started crying.
What did the hot dog bun say to the hot dog? Stop touching my buns! What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? A "hollow-weenie!"
What does a caped monkey superhero drive?
A banana-mobile.
What happens to Germans when they eat too many lemons?
They become sour krauts.
"Hakuna Moscato. It means drink wine."
A bowl of salad went to church
Lettuce pray.
"Darling, shall we buy some vegetables for tonight?"
"Yes, lettuce!"
I once saw an onion that had been preserved for ages. It was an Egyptian onion.
Q: What do vegetables wish for, more than anything else in the whole world?
A: Peas on earth!
Q: What is a peach’s favorite book?
A: War and Peach
What do you call a baby potato? Tater tots!
I went to watch a play and there were so many peach errors in the dialogues.
What’s a calendars favorite fruit?
Dates.
What is the healthiest fruit?
“An orange. It takes Vitamin See!”
The apple says to the pineapple “What? Go out with you tonight? It will not happen in a million years!” Since then, we have a crushed pineapple.
What do you call hot dogs in winter? Chilly dogs!
What’s a donut’s favorite lullaby?
“Sprinkle, Sprinkle Little Star.”
What do you call a cow who’s just given birth?
De-calf-inated!
I can't get my wife to try Mediterranean food.
She doesn't like hummus, which is a naan-starter.
Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? SpongeBob SquarePants!
What do you call an avocado after a priest blesses it?
Holy guacamole.
What do you call people avoiding healthy fats?
Avocadonts.
What’s a potato’s favorite TV program? Starch Trek.
How is coffee better than a woman?
It goes down way easier.
What do you call a Vegetarian with diarrhea? A Salad Shooter.
I had a salad pun, but I tossed it
What is a cheese lover’s favorite track and field event?
The curdles.
How does white chocolate turn into dark chocolate?
Turn off the lights.
What is a cheese lover’s favorite type of music?
R n’ Brie.
What's a cow's favorite moosical note? Beef-flat
When the chef asked me how I would like my soup, I said "I would like minestrone".
I recently read a book by an onion which had opened up on its life. Midway through the book, I started crying.
"What did the toaster say to the slice of bread?" "I want you inside me!"
The cow intestine dish was offal, but the pig organ tacos was grocer!
If you are what you eat, does that mean all squirrels are nuts?
My wife was trying to feed our son a pear, and he was refusing.
I said, Good news. Our son is immune to pear pressure.
Bacon and eggs walk into a bar.
They take their seat and ask the bartender for two draft beers.
The bartender looks at them and says “sorry guys, we don’t serve breakfast here.”
The nut said it was very pine-ful when its’ shell cracked.
I’d like to tell a joke about salt but then said to myself: "Na."
What do oranges have after a hard work out? Juice!
There’s a hair in my wine. The grapes must have been fur-mented.
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