What kind of candy bar does an employee crave before the weekend? A Payday
I cut a dill with this spicy mami, but at the last minute she ginger mind.
Why do Jack-o-lanterns have silly smiles on their faces? You'd have a silly smile, too, if you had just had all your brains scooped out!
Apparently there's a fruit that is naturally radioactive.
I think that's bananas!
What do dogs love to eat for breakfast?
woofles
What does a posh salad shout before it's eaten?
KELP!
What do you call a lazy spud? A couch potato.
Don't drink too much coffee after breakfast. You might face a latte problems.
What are a submissive's favorite vegetables?
Collared greens.
I introduced chocolate to milk. They did a chocolate milk shake.
What do you call cheese that is sad? Blue cheese.
What do teapots wear to a tea party? A T-shirt.
Did you hear about the farmer who sold his sheep to slaughter because he wasn't making enough money from the wool? The situation went from baa-d to wurst!
I figured out a way to chop onions without crying...
The trick is avoiding getting emotionally attached to the onion.
I don't know what happened, but the moment I brought the onion into the kitchen, everything got rejuvenated, and everything started feeling fresh! Guess this really is a spring onion.
Q: What do you call an angry pea?
A: Grum-pea!
What do cheese makers dance to on halloween? The muenster mash!
In my friend's house, I saw an onion ring. So, I picked it up and answered it.
What did the apple say to the almond? You're Nuts!
"Alcohol you later."
What kind of keys do kids like to carry? Cookies!
I love you from my head tomato
What was Valentine’s favorite dessert for the French cat?
Chocolate mousse
Mandy: Our teacher went on a special banana diet. Andy: Did she lose weight? Mandy: No, but she sure could climb trees well!
My doctor told me "No more spicy food.", but I decided to have one last fennel fling.
The sweet potato asked the other potato : “How are my eyes? ”
The reason orange juice doesn’t slide well on hard wood floors is Because of pulp friction.
What does a cherry say when it delivers bad news? Don't fruit the messenger.The Peach President lost the presidential race because he got im-peached.
What do you call a girl with no arms, no legs, sitting in a watermelon patch?
“Melanie! (melon-y)”
What's the opposite of Green Tea? Fat-Tea.
Did you hear about the cheese shop that was destroyed by a tornado?
All that’s left is da brie.
What do pizza delivery guys and porn stars both see too much of?
Stiff tips.
What do you give to a sick lemon?
lemonaid.
Whats the name of the movie about Bacon? Frankenswine, or you can go see Hamlet.
What do you drink if you want to freshen your breath? Mint-Tea.
What do you see at a funeral for a piece of fruit? Apple-bearer.
How do you make a milkshake? Give a cow a pogo stick.
It's Taco Night, so on my way home, I grabbed a bag of shredded cheese at the store, queso we needed some more.
.
What cheese is made backwards?
Edam.
Not every legume can be a nut.
But a pea can.
We're like three peas in a pod, but lately I feel left out. It's making me quite unhap-pea.
Who’s an apple’s favorite relative?
Granny.
Hap-pea-ness is when you and your friend are like two peas in a pod.
What does a piece of cheese tell you during a game of tag?
Cheez it.
Why did Eve bite the forbidden apple? Because it tasted better than Adam's banana.
And speaking of meloncholy, I heard that’s what you get when you cross a watermelon and broccoli.
Why have a mer little when you can have a merlot?
What does a cheese say when they look in the mirror in the morning?
Halloumi.
What’s a potato’s favorite TV program? Starch Trek.
Fine Wine Pick-Up Line: Hey babe, what are you doing this fall? 'Cause I'd like to make you part of the season's harvest.
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