Sir, did you realize the consequences of naming your son Taco Cheese?
"No, but I have grate expectations."
What did the health-nut say to himself at the gym? “No pine, no gain”
How long does it take to brew Chinese tea? Oolong time.
Why didn't the kids eat their soup? Because they're stew peed.
Since her parents wanted to become wealthy fast, they ensured their daughter had an orange-d marriage.
How can you spot a fashionista donut?
They’re into all the latest glazes.
I've written a book about a very grumpy British pea farmer, it's called "Mind your peas and queues."
How does the recipe for German Sauerbraten begin? "First invade ze kitchen."
What is red and goes putt, putt, putt? An outboard apple.
Why did the banana go to the hostpital? Because it wasnt peeling very well
What did the Mama Hot Dog say to the little frankfurter? Ketch-up!
A berry from which you can directly drink out of is a straw-berry.
Why did the fruit bat eat the orange?
“Because it had appeal.”
What did the piece of Cheddar say to the ghost? I'm Lac-ghost intolerant
What sound does a nut make when it sneezes?
"Cashew."
"Adulting makes me wine."
I replaced the milk in the milk carton with lemon juice.
People were really sour about it.
My wife told my four year old daughter that she couldn’t use her plastic IKEA knife to slice mangos.
I said “Yeah kid, that’s just not going to cut it.”
Why did the baker quit making donuts?
Because he was fed up with the hole business!
Everybody romaine calm.
What does a nosey pepper do? Gets Jalapeno business.
What do you call a cold little taco?
A brrr-ito.
If fish is brain food, what do dumb people eat? Noodle soup.
Broccoli: I look like a tree. Walnut: I look like a brain. Mushroom: I look like an umbrella. Banan Can we change the topic?
What happened to the football team that practiced in a corn field?
They got creamed!
Why did they put Viagra in chocolate bars? You eat it, She says, "Oh, Oh Henry!"
Pumpkin Spice and Everything Nice
What do we get when we cross a Christmas tree with an apple? We will have a pine – apple!
When banana growers are heart broken, what do they sing? What else but Peelings?
What did the lemon juice say to the baking soda?
Ya basic!
My wife asked me why I bought a pear tree.
I told her "what, you told me to grow a pear."
What do you call a male orange?
Mangerine!
Mom: *Struggling to make a decision between 1% or 2%.
Dad: Milk up your mind!
When do you put paprika on eggs? Fry-Day.
What kind of candy never arrives on time? Chocolate
Wine if you must. It’s not good to bottle up your emotions.
I sent my cows to bed at 8pm last night. I told them 'it's pasteur bedtime'.
What did the grilled cheese sandwich say to their date?
“You make me melt.”
What do chemists make guacamole out of?
Avogadros.
Where do cows write down their most intimate thoughts? Inside of their dairy.
The peach couple from school is totally in love. They seem so perfect for peach other.
Did you know that humans started out as peas? That's why we're called homosa-pea-ns.
I had thought of a lot of good bread puns, but they seem to have gone a rye. I know the feeling.
I love meat. I think going vegetarian would be a big missed steak.
What do you drink if you want to freshen your breath? Mint-Tea.
Why did the students eat their homework? Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.
What do you call a melon that commits a crime?
“A water-fellon!”
What do you call a dog who only eats garlic and onions?
A dog with a bark worse than its bite.
Q: Why can’t oranges be pirates?
A: They don’t get scurvy.
Who answers the door at the nut house?
The peanut buttler.
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