All the other vegetables have always felt very emotional whenever they are near the onion.
What do you get when your dog jumps into the fire pit? A hot dog.
Know what kind of cookies rich people love? Fortune cookies.
What did an angry donut say to his wife?
Donut talk to me.
My wife started a tropical diet
There’s so much stuff in the house it’s enough to make a mango crazy.
Keep calm and carrot on.
What do you call a dentist who doesn't like tea? Denis.
What is a pizza’s favorite movie?
Pie hard.
What kind of pizza do you order on Christmas?
Cheeses Crust.
What do vets call a paralyzed squirrel? A busted nut.
"Alcohol you later."
An Native American drank 100 cups of tea.
Next day they found him dead in his tea pee.
What cheese surrounds a medieval castle? Moatzeralla
I got a packet of onions from the supermarket yesterday. Somehow, by today, all of them have disappeared. Guess this is why the shopkeeper warned me not to buy Bermuda Onions.
What is the favorite punk band of onions? It is a band known as "Good Shallot"!
What do you call a punctual citrus fruit?
A Clockwork Orange.
Which type of wine only comes in a box?
Carbordeaux.
Why did the orange’s musical number receive a bad review?
Because it wasn’t an “orange-inal.”
What do you get if you cross a jogger with an apple pie ? Puff pastry !
How do you get a raise at the bread factory?
Butter up your boss.
Whenever the peach gets angry, it looks at my face and screams: “You are just a peach of sh*t!”
What's a pickle's favorite book?
To Dill A Mockingbird.
I replaced the milk in the carton with lemon juice. Everyone was really sour about it.
Which nut has won the World Cup the most times?
A Brazil nut.
What do all the onions decide to do over unfair wages? They decide to form a labor onion.
What does a cheese lover say when someone keeps messing around with them?
“You gouda brie kidding!”
In a romantic date, Romeo says to Juliette “Baby! You are the pineapple of my eyes!”
I like fried chickpeas, but I shouldn't eat them. Every time I do I falafel.
What did the steak say when he came across his nemesis? Ah, we meat again!”
Wine Connoisser Point to Ponder: Did Marilyn drink Merlot?
What do you call a beautiful pumpkin?
Gourdgeous.
Why was the slice of bread upset with her husband?
He told her she was being too kneady.
When she asked me if I like soup, I replied saying "I am crazy pho soups".
The reason he went smiling all the way to the jail is because the judge sentenced him to a life behind chocolate bars.
Why couldn't the teddy bear finish his dessert? Cause he was stuffed.
Why did the two slices of bread disappear in the middle of the night? They wanted to e-loaf together.
What happened to the criminal magician who ate to much salt?
Cardiac arrest.
Why did the peach go to the therapist? It was in a pit of despair.
Why do oranges wear suntan lotion? They peel in the sun.
What do oranges have after a hard work out? Juice!
The plural of mango should be changed to mengo
Like a pro wrestler in a headlock, I’m indulging in a little Sham pain.
What kind of a key opens a banana? A monkey!
What do you call it when someone hits avocados repeatedly with a hammer?
Gu-whack-a-mole-e.
I steal my eggs from my next door neighbor.
I prefer them poached.
There's no need to cherry your feelings, I know you love me really.
How did the nut study for its test?
It used the inter-nut.
What do dairy products say when they make a basketball shot? Colby!
What was the event of the onion family getting back together called as? A family reonion.
In the corn maze, I felt like I was being stalked. It was earie.
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