A narwhal is just a tuna-corn.
Why do cherry trees smell?
Because George Washington cut one.
Where does a pineapple and cucumber vacation? Somewhere tropical (tro-pickle).
What do you call a potato that smokes weed? A baked potato.
Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I'm OK, but I feel like I've dyed a little inside.
Have you ever tried pineapple milk? Do you know where it comes from? Obviously from the pine – nipples!
What do oranges like to listen to?
Musical com-peel-ations.
What did the mother bread tell her baby roll? You really are the apple of my rye.
Saw a great offer on cheese in Tesco today!
It was buy one get one brie.
Q: Where do fruits like to go on vacations?
A: To the peach.
Worried about overcooking your onion?
Don't sweat it.
What do you call a group of cows that are on top of a hill? High steaks.
What did Yoda say when he turned a patron away for ordering a pie?
“Dough. Or doughnut. There is no pie.”
If you are ever babysitting a cherry, remember that their favorite cartoon is Tom And Cherry.
I figured out a way to chop onions without crying...
The trick is avoiding getting emotionally attached to the onion.
What do you do when a pickle wants to play cards?
Dill'em in.
Did you hear about the bread party? It’s scone be a lot of fun, and wheat love for you to join us.
An angry fruit yells at traffic in front of them
“Mango!”
What kind of socks do you need to plant cayenne pepper? Garden hose!
Which venue did all the vegetables choose to open their fighting club in? An onion ring!
During World War 2, sending food to the troops was a challenge. Researchers had to concentrate to figure out how to send orange juice.
I heard they sent a beer into space, destined to leave the solar system. They called it Interstella Artois.
Why didn’t the mom peanut give her children a nutty chocolate bar? Because the sugar makes them bounce off the wal-nuts.
What do you tell your friend after she breaks up with a cheese lover?
You’re cheddar off without him!
Where do you go to learn how to make ice cream?
Sundae school.
Nowadays oranges have decided to go out with prune. The reason is that it is becoming so hard to find a date.
What cut of meat do you get from an extremely tired butcher?
A filet mid-yawn
Q: What’s red and invisible?
A: No cherries.
I once had a dream that I was swimming in an ocean of carbonated orange juice.
Thankfully it was just a fanta sea.
I told my kids that ketchup can go on anything.
You know, It’s the least condiment denominator.
If you want to ask someone to borrow their peas, you have to say pea-lease.
What do you call a cute donut?
A-dough-able.
What do you do when your partner drinks your coffee? I don't know, but that's certainly grounds for divorce.
What do you call someone who steals from the keebler elves? A crook-ie
Due to unusually successful harvests of chickpeas this year, the price of hummus is going to fall dramatically.
Buy the dip.
"Can I get some peas and quiet?!" shouted the pea dad angrily.
What do you call people avoiding healthy fats?
Avocadonts.
What do you call a pumpkin that can slam dunk a basketball?
Michael Gourdan.
What’s the difference between coffee and your opinion?
I asked for coffee.
I'm not too fond of not finishing my entire bowl of cereal. I think I have irritable bowl syndrome.
Which word can be used to describe a peach that is surprised, shocked, or angry with strong emotion? – Speachless!
Sheep have a clever way of keeping all their four feet warm in the winter; they wear muttons.
When I was younger, I once smashed up a nest of heron's eggs.
No egrets.
I squeezed the innards of a pumpkin into a glass, and the result was just beautiful
In fact, it was gourdjuice.
I once saw an onion that had been preserved for ages. It was an Egyptian onion.
Where do you put nectarines when you want to freeze them? Inside the peach-zer.
I stopped eating pea soup. I gave it up for lentil.
What would happen if pigs could fly? The price of bacon would go skyrocket.
My town always holds a contest to see which beer drinker's belly is biggest by seeing how far it goes past a line...
That's the paunch-line.
Donut even think about taking another donut!
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