What’s the difference between a delivery driver and the pizza they deliver?
The pizza can feed a family of four.
A sad peach can be really pit-iful, sometimes.
What sport are eggs best at?
Running.
Why did the dairy farmer go on a diet? She wanted to cheddar a few pounds!
What goes in dry and comes out wet. The longer I'm in, the stronger I get.
I had this disturbingly long dream that I was making a salad.
I was tossing all night.
Do librarians like white wine?
No, they like theirs well red!
Why’d the lettuce blush?
It saw the salad dressing.
That cola syrup is made by squeezing a kola nut.
That was soda pressing.
I recently heard on the news that due to newly detected fungus infection in the onions, the government was recalling all the recent packages of the vegetables. Despite being a farmer, I had no tears to shed over this.
What does a piece of cheese tell you during a game of tag?
Cheez it.
Why did the banana fail his driving test? He kept peeling out.
When I was learning how to cook soups, my mum asked me to follow my instinct. She asked me to go with the pho.
What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck? Milk and Quackers!
Why did the pineapple suddenly stop the car in the middle of the highway? Because it just ran out of juice.
When strawberries, blueberries or blackberries meet another berry they like and want to get married who do they go see?
The marionberry
Have you guys tried kangaroo beer?
It’s a little hoppy.
Why was the pear by himself? Because the banana split.
How old was the cave man on his birthday?
Stone Age.
How can you tell a wine taster is a newbie?
By the blanc look on her face.
What kind of a key opens a banana? A monkey!
On what radio station would you hear Bob Dill-on?
Vlasic rock.
Why are walnuts the best secret keepers? They walnut say anything to anyone.
I went to an English camping party with some vegetables. We stayed in a tea-pea.
Why did Bill's friend get covered in beer?
Because William Shakes Beer.
I rarely put orange slices in my beer.
Once in a Blue Moon.
Which word can be used to describe a peach that is surprised, shocked, or angry with strong emotion? – Speachless!
What did the steak say when he came across his nemesis? Ah, we meat again!”
The tiny bag of flour got in trouble, so his mother sent him to bread early. He kneaded to be punished.
When the strawberry's favorite song came on, he exclaimed "That's my jam!"
A cable TV installer walks into a bar and orders a beer.
The bartender says, "You'll be served sometime between 7am and 2pm."
If fish is a type of brain food, then dumb people probably love eating noodle soup.
You are the best, I feel so peachy when I am with you!
Why did the blonde buy a brown cow? To get chocolate milk.
Why did the orange become juice?
It couldn't handle the pressure.
The cold broth is known to have lived in Stock-holm.
The unripe strawberry wasn't added to the starting lineup of the game because he was too green.
Swallowing a cherry stone is not the end of the world. It’s just one of life’s little pitfalls.
I had lunch once with a chess player at a restaurant with checked tablecloths. It took him 3 hours to pass me the salt.
Where was the first donut cooked?
In Greece.
What kind of fish is only made of salt.
A tu-na.
Did you hear the joke about the donut? Probably not, it was crummy!
Why is peanut butter a bad secret keeper? Because it tends to spread it and not keep it.
What is a dessert called with an extra chromosome?
A chocolate downie.
Did you hear about the crime family that took over the wine importing business?
They call themselves the Sip-ranos!
Strawberries are berry healthy. They pack a punch when it comes to beating cancer and other diseases.
When you finish the lemons that life gives you;
Sublime.
I had a traumatic experience with peas. I even had to go to thera-pea.
I've written a book about a very grumpy British pea farmer, it's called "Mind your peas and queues."
What are pig criminals known for? Pigpockets.
Go to BabaMail
