There’s muffin I wouldn’t do for breakfast.
What do citrus fruits use to get dates?
Pickup limes.
I was visiting my dear old Grandpa the other day when he said to me, "Let me give you a bit of advice. You can't make an omelette..."
"Without breaking eggs?" I finished for him.
"No. You can't make an omelette," he said, as he scraped it into the bin.
What does a lemon pie and my wife have in common?
They both have meringue on them.
I told my mom there was a crack in her mug...
She said, ”No, only tea.”
A mathematician walks into a bar and says, “One beer for me, and 10 beers each for all my friends!”
Bartender: "Now that’s an order of magnitude!"
A lettuce farm was busted by the FDA on suspicion of combining plant and human DNA to create a new protein hybrid.
When they dug up the grounds the found human romaines.
What’s the best time to eat a peach while watching a NASCAR race? During the pit stop!
One day a apple saw a banana without its peel. The apple asked banana, where is your peel? He replied, people are always taking off my clothes.
How do two cherries make up after an argument? They cherry the hatchet.
What do you call a punctual citrus fruit?
A Clockwork Orange.
What do you call a flying cheese?
A curd of prey.
Did you hear the little loaves playing hide-and-seek earlier? They kept yelling, “Bready or not, here I come!”
It's my first day on the fishing boat and everyone keeps asking if I've found my sea legs.
I'm not falling for it though. I know for a fact that seals don't lay eggs.
Made the mistake of offering my realtor some lipton iced tea
I forgot that he only drinks realty.
ALDI grocery stores have announced their new store brand peanuts.
ALDI’s nuts.
A scarecrow's favorite fruit to eat is straw-berry.
.
I’m not old. I’m aged to perfection. And full bodied.
What do you find if you hang from a cherry tree for hours and hours? You find that your arms get sore.
It’s not often that you find an eye anywhere but on the face. Cows, however, have a rib eye.”
Did you hear the one about the watermelon pirate who went to the Caribbean? Must have desperately wanted to catch some arrgh and arrgh.
On Mother's Day we went strawberry picking and made a jam from the fruits of our labor.
I'm going to tell you all a story about strawberries.....
Once a punnet time....
What kind of beer can you make from a potato?
Spud Light.
What kind of a key opens a banana? A monkey!
Don't drink too much coffee after breakfast. You might face a latte problems.
What do you get when you cross a pickle with an alligator?
A crocodill.
My business that sells strawberry juice has gone into liquidation
Have you ever tried kangaroo meat? I have. It was tasty, but it made me a bit jumpy.
What do you say to an avocado who’s done a good job?
“Bravocado!”
How did the coconut hit on the pineapple? It said ” you are the pina to my colada.”
Why did the Oreo go to the dentist? Because it lost its filling.
Why did the hot dog turn down a chance to star in a major motion picture? None of the rolls (roles) were good enough.
What’s the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup?
Anyone can mash potatoes.
My wife's been on a banana diet.
She hasn't lost any weight, but you should see her climb trees now!
You can never make a crumble with just 3.14 strawberries because that would make a pi.
Not every legume can be a nut.
But a pea can.
What nut is always begging for attention?
Pssst-tachios.
Why do golfers love donuts?
Always a hole-in-one!
If you put ice cream on the nutty brownie, you’re serving it ala-mond.
What lives in apples and is an avid reader? A bookworm !
Q: Why couldn’t the orange believe that her friend had let her down?
A: This was because citrus-ted him!
How is coffee better than a woman?
It goes down way easier.
The plural of mango should be changed to mengo
A potato gave a gift to his girlfriend.She said, “Aww, why are you so sweet? ”He said, “It’s just the
way I yam.”
I am a huge fan of local cuisine, and cooking is my soup-er power!
I hear you like wine, too. Grape minds think alike.
Bananas, for breakfast, are such an a-peeling choice.
I tried to change my email password to “beef stew” the other day. It was refused because it was not stroganoff.
Did you hear about the man who stole thousands of dollars worth of rare tea?
He went to prison for Oolong time.
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