What do you say if someone steps on a banana peel? Well I guess he didn't find that appealing!
What do you call the guy who chooses a suitable fortified Spanish wine?
A Sherry Picker.
How do the Vietnamese like their soup? Purrrrrfect.
In a world that is full of apples, it is much better to be a pineapple.
Did you hear about the butcher who sat on his bacon slicer?
He got a little behind in his deliveries.
Did you hear? The pilgrims rode the May-Flour so that they could bake bread as they went to America. This is a cute option.
"I'm not a wino. I'm a wineYES!"
What do horses like to put on their egg salad sandwiches?
MayoNAYS!
What do you get when you cross a smurf and a cow?
Blue cheese.
The walnut was not good at sports but did really well with his macadamia at school.
What’s another name for a chess-nut? A nut who loves chess.
Can I have some of your avocado?
GUAC NO! I give zero guacs! You need to guac off!
On Valentine's Day, the peach said to his wife, "You will always have a peach of my heart!"
What do butchers say after they meet someone new? “Mince to meat you.”
What do you call it when you order the same donut every day?
A do-rut!
Which cow has great pickup lines? A cow which is smooth as milk.
What is a cow's favorite lunch meat? Bullogna
What did Snow White call her chicken?
Egg White.
Where do they make all the decisions on a dairy farm? At the city cow-ncil.
Wine puns. They're always in pour taste.
What do two tomatoes do after not seeing each other for a long period of time?
They ketchup.
Hap-pea-ness is when you and your friend are like two peas in a pod.
What did the pizza say to the delivery guy?
“You don’t pepper-own me.”
…and what did the delivery guy say in reply?
“Hey now, don’t get saucy.”
I went into the library and asked for pint of milk. The librarian said 'this is a library'. So i whispered 'I'd like a pint of milk please'.
Why are bananas never lonely?
Because they hang around in bunches.
When potato chips don’t sell fast enough, the maker knows it will soon be crunch time.
When you finish the lemons that life gives you;
Sublime.
What vegetable did King Arthur pull from the stone?
Exparagus.
There are two types of people in this world: People who love chocolate and liars. A study says that chocolate may lower your chances of a stroke. That is, a swimming stroke, a golf stroke, a tennis stroke.
What did the Mexican heavy metal guitarist say to his bandmates?
“Rock out with your guac out.”
What do you call really scared pasta?
Chicken noodles.
What kind of evidence can a donut not take to trial?
Anecdoughtal evidence.
Americans were preparing peach gelatos, to demonstrate it's right to freeze peach!
I earned money by selling broth. Now I am a bouillonaire.
Why do donuts make terrible teachers?
They’re always glazing over the important stuff.
Did you hear about the sea captain who made a special salt-proof boat for the salty waters of the ocean?
It was a sailing solution to cross a saline solution.
"Is that a yay or cabernet?"
What does a dragon eat with his soup? Firecrackers.
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party? You can have your cake and eat it too.
Q: Why were the two green pea plants so close?
A: They had deep roots.
Why doesn't Daniel Tosh eat Hot Dogs? He can't find the zipper
What did ketchup say while spotting his friend at the gym?
Mustard all of your strength!
Did you hear the little loaves playing hide-and-seek earlier? They kept yelling, “Bready or not, here I come!”
Why did the principal bring Clam Chowder to school? For the Soup-erintendent.
Who wrote the book "Great Egg-spectations"?
Charles Chickens.
Ladies, if he can't appreciate your fruit jokes, you need to let that mango.
Lots of peas work as spies. Espea-onage is very common.
I've been hitting the bottle pretty hard recently.
Still can't get the last of that ketchup out.
I've started a Taco Bell themed John Coltrane cover band.x
We're called Crunchwrap Supremex
If my Hindu girlfriend thinks I'm going to eat Indian food, she has another think cumin.
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