Why was the pizzeria desperate for business?
Because they kneaded the dough!
Who tells the best egg jokes?
Comedi-hens.
Q: Which basketball players eat fruits?
A: The ones who like to cherry pick.
When you see something red that goes up and down, chances are it is a strawberry in an elevator.
What is the hippest kind of fruit? A bae-nae-nae.
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party?
You can have your cake and eat it too.
What can you make with 6.02 x 10^23 avocados?
Guaca-mole.
Soft fruits make really supportive parents. Whenever their youngsters fail at something, they just smile and say “Have another bite at the cherry.”
How does bread win over friends?
“You can crust me.”
My business that sells strawberry juice has gone into liquidation
Did you hear what happened to the girl who twisted her ankle in the cow’s pen? She was milking her injury!
What's the difference between England and a tea bag? The tea bag stays in the cup longer.
When the bread started crying because it was toast, the loaf told him, "You deserve butter."
What do you get when you cross a pig and a chicken? The best bacon-and-eggs of your life.
Which is the fanciest onion? A cocktail onion.
What do you call a bacon wrapped dinosaur? Jurrasic Pork.
What do you call a bee that makes a milk?
Boo-bee
What happened when the butcher backed up into the meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work!
What happens to a cherry tree when it grows up? It blossoms.
What was the cheese’s strategy when it ran for president?
Make America grate again.
Why was the peach so sad at the funeral? It left a deep pit in its heart.
How busy was the donuts day? It was jam packed!
Have you heard about the new meat that’s taking the world by storm? It’s a cross between a cow and a chicken. They call it “roost beef”.
What does a cat lady say on Friday night?
I am drinking wine and feline fine!
This year I'm carving my pumpkin to look like an intricate ball of rope, so it can be a gourd-ian knot.
What's green and swims in the sea?
Moby Pickle.
What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?
A blood orange.
What do you tell a cheese going through a hard time?
Ricotta get through this.
One strawberry said to the other, “Were it not that you were so sweet, you wouldn’t have ended up in this jam.”
What do the peanuts and walnuts have in common? They are both nuts.
My milk found all these jokes to be pretty fun. He said they were a-moo-sing!
What kind of candy makes fun of you? Tootsie Trolls.
How is divorce like espresso? It's bitter and expensive.
Tonight my wife was making dinner and she was using some fresh peas. She dropped some on the floor.
My 4 year old said “mummy, you’ve pee’d on the floor”
Needless to say I was in stitches.
What do you get when you cross a chicken and a cow? Roost beef!
How are a car and a bicycle similar?
“You can’t make watermelon juice out of either of them.”
How did the nut study for its test?
It used the inter-nut.
I went into the library and asked for pint of milk. The librarian said 'this is a library'. So i whispered 'I'd like a pint of milk please'.
What does a priest put on his salad?
Lettuce spray.
Why did the crazy man lose his job at the dairy factory? He was a danger to himself and udders.
What did the judge say at the finale of the meat throwing competition? The steaks have never been higher!
What do you call a fruit that is rough around the edges? A bad apple.
What do fruits do when they are avoiding a problem? They cherry their heads in the sand.
I told my dad I wanted world peace. He said whirled peas sounded horrible.
“My favorite color is tangerine- isn’t that orange-inal?”
The orange was really sad at the event because it had no peelings whatsoever for the desperate prune.
“I only like lemons,”
Said Michael zestfully.
What did the coffee lover name his son?
Joe, obviously.
Did you hear the one about the watermelon pirate who went to the Caribbean? Must have desperately wanted to catch some arrgh and arrgh.
Inviting cherries over for a drinks party is easy. Simply start your invitation with “You are cordially invited…”
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