Did you hear about the elusive skating watermelon thief? Not really, the only description they got was a Caucasian melon wheels.
What is the cherry fruit's favorite American talkshow? The Cherry Springer Show of course!
How is bacon like southern Europe?
It's got a lot of Greece in it.
My wife misplace the sugar with the salt in her sugar cookies.
It was sodium disgusting.
What do you call a dog with a fever? A hot dog.
What do leprechauns love to barbecue? Short ribs!
What do we call a chicken inside a hot tub? – It is called soup.
What's the difference between a bipolar person and a loft full of lemons?
One's a bit erratic and the other's a bitter attic.
When I got mugged on my way back from the greengrocers, I was peach-less!
What do you get if you cross a pumpkin with a bigfoot?
A Sasquash.
Q: Why could the fruits not see anything?
A: It was peach black there.
Why does salt make everything taste better
Because it's sodi-yummm!
Chefs earn a meager celery, cumin home beat they just want to read the pepper and spend thyme with the kids.
What does the watermelon say to its girlfriend on Valentine’s Day? – “You are one in a melon!”
My friend thought ketchup didn’t exist
So I told him to check his sauces.
What happened to the pig who liked pineapple? He turned into a porky-pine!
Why was the coffee-shop worker fired? He kept showing up in a Tea-shirt.
What is the similarity between my wallet and an onion? Whenever I open both of them, I cry.
Hey you like cherry preserves ?
Never mind, its probably not your jam
What would you call someone who cheats others while selling milk? A skim artist.
Where does a potato go to college? DeFry
A carrot went to a football game.
Wonder who it was rooting for.
Why did the corn stalks hold a ceremony in honor of the scarecrow?
To corn-gratulate him for being out standing in their field!
Why doesn't cheddar like to party with crackers? Someone always cuts the cheese.
Why is it called Almond Milk?
Because no one would buy it if it was called Nut Juice.
The only thing that looks like half a strawberry is the other half.
What do you call a cheese that is an alcoholic? Livarot
What's so special about twitter alphabet soup? It only has 140 letters.
What did the cheese say to the other cheese? I smell something swiss-picious!
If you can't beat them...
Just have your eggs fried.
Which actor is now being quarantined for Swine Flu? Kevin Bacon
What's the motto of vegetables? Don't worry, pea happy.
Q: How do you make a blueberry?
A: You strangle a pea.
What is a ghost peppers favorite Leonardo Dicaprio film? Catch me if you Cayenne.
Why don’t cows drink artificial milk? It’s too pow-dairy.
For the last few Sundays, I have been receiving an onion pun in the mail. I don't know who is sending them. Guess it is onionymous.
What’s a potato’s favorite TV program? Starch Trek.
What is a cheese lover’s favorite musician?
Mozart-arella.
What do you call a dog who only eats garlic and onions?
A dog with a bark worse than its bite.
Hundreds of chickpeas were found dead the other day. The police say it's a hummuside.
What did the boss say to his pizza during their meeting?
There’s mushroom for improvement.
The least favorite day for an orange is a juice day.
Tobacco companies have made an orange flavored cigarette. They call it “Nico-tang”
What did one cheese say to the other during philosophy class?
“I dis a brie.”
I do some of my best thinking over coffee. I tend to have a latte on my mind.
"Is that a yay or cabernet?"
Onions are unable to store water inside them because there is always a leek.
What do you call a socialite made of cheese?
Paris Stilton.
Who is the superhero who loves to have soup all the time? Souper-man.
What did the hurricane say to the coconut palm tree? Hold on to your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job!
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