Why does your grandma like wine so much?
Because at her age, she needs glasses!
What do you call leftover lettuce?
The romaines.
Despite the pun being so orange-inal, it wasn’t all that funny.
When you see something red that goes up and down, chances are it is a strawberry in an elevator.
All the other vegetables have always felt very emotional whenever they are near the onion.
What did the steak say to his girlfriend? You're the apple of my rib-eye!
Me: "Alexa check my bank balance and tell me which apple product can I buy?"
Alexa- "Apple juice."
The arrogant baker declared, “You’ll never hear a complaint about my doughnuts outside this shop window.”
The customer agreed, “It must be the double glazing.”
The plural of mango should be changed to mengo
I saw a sign earlier that said, "Free Range Eggs."
I've never heard of Range Eggs before but at least they were free so I took some.
Why does the Pope love Swiss cheese so much?
It’s hole-y.
When a man went to the doctor to get rid of the strawberry that was growing out of his head, the doctor told him, "Don't worry. I'll give you some cream for that".
There’s a great new rock and roll cover artist doing the rounds at the moment – his name is Chuck Cherry.
Police arrested a man who dropped his phone in the ocean. The was charged with a salt in battery.
What do you see when the Pillsbury Doughboy bends over? Doughnuts!
What do you give a dog with a fever?… Mustard, it’s the best thing for a hot dog.
Where do connoisseurs lock up their best bottles?
In a wine cabernet.
I just had the most manly craft beer at my Israeli restaurant.
It was called He-Brew.
Why do we enjoy wine jokes?
Because they're de-vine!
Did you hear what happened between the cook and the onion?
I think there was a fight. It got a little dicey and tears were shed.
What kind of donuts can fly?
The plain ones.
Do you want to try my soup? I have enough for broth of us!
What do you get if you cross a lemon with a dinosaur
Tyrannosourest Rex.
What was the main job of the bread truck? To haul buns.
What happened when an orange, an apple, and a banana all went on a picnic together?
They had a “fruit-ful” day.
Why did the orange lose the race?
“Because it got Im-peached.”
If you can't get Swine Flu from eating bacon what can you get? A1: Obesity A2: Heart Disease A3: Hardening of the Arteries.
Can I have your last avocado?
Avocadon’t you dare.
What did the ice-cream say to the unhappy birthday cake?
“What’s eating you?”
You know what they say about when life gives you melons?
You might be dyslexic.
My best friend said we're like two peas in a pod. I'm confused, there's only one P in pod.
If you are ever babysitting a cherry, remember that their favorite cartoon is Tom And Cherry.
The police officer only had soups for dinner. He was a soup-erintendent.
Where do bananas go to learn to be sweet?
Sundae School.
I went to Taco Bell and order nacho fries
the person behind the counter wouldn't give them to me, just kept saying "nacho fries".
Why are some cake jokes not as good as the others?
They tend to grow mold.
A pickle store is giving out their new tea-flavored pickles on the street today
I tried some and I guess they tasted quite a-tea-pickle.
What sound does a nut make when it sneezes?
"Cashew."
What did the kid nut say to the other when playing tag? “I’m going to cashew”.
I used to randomly steal beverages off people...
I stopped when I realized it wasn't my cup of tea
What happens to a cherry tree when it grows up? It blossoms.
What do you call 2000 pounds of Chinese soup? Won Ton.
I was throwing oranges at tropical birds. One of them caught one then said: “Toucan play that game”
Why do bacon lettuce and tomatoes have the lowest IQ out of all the foods?
Because they're in-bred.
Our local butcher had to go to the doctor the other day. He didn’t know what was wrong, but said that he was feeling offal.
What do you call an onion that is very sick and has a high temperature? It is a boiling onion.
What is a monkey's favorite cookie? Chocolate chimp!
I’d like to tell a joke about salt but then said to myself: "Na."
The soup was busy and preoccupied. He was stewing over something his friend said.
I need to take this picture for my instayam
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