What pickup line can you use to pick up a cheese lover?
“Are you cheddar? ‘Cause you’re lookin’ sharp!”
If mom leaves her alphabet soup on the stove and forgets about it, it would spell disaster.
"I'm not a wino. I'm a wineYES!"
How do you describe a polite german lemon?
Bitte(r)
What kind of tea do wealthy people own?
Proper-Tea.
What’s the best thing you can put in a halloween cookie? Your teeth.
Which type of wine only comes in a box?
Carbordeaux.
What do you call a barking pumpkin?
A gourd dog.
How do you make an apple puff? Chase it round the garden.
So, what do you do with an epileptic watermelon? Simple, you make a seizure salad.
They're not going to grow bananas any longer.
Apparently, they're long enough already.
My wife told my four year old daughter that she couldn’t use her plastic IKEA knife to slice mangos.
I said “Yeah kid, that’s just not going to cut it.”
Why did the citrus fruit join the military?
“Because it was a navel orange.”
What is the best type of nut for your home wall decor? A walnut.
What do cherries write in love letters? I miss you cherry-bly.
On Mother's Day we went strawberry picking and made a jam from the fruits of our labor.
Mom: Did you watch the movie with the little pumpkins?
Dad: I stopped it early because it was too gourdy for me.
Did you hear about the lowest grade of steak? It's where the rubber meats the road.
What do you call bananas who are friends with monkeys? A bunch of idiots.
A potato gave a gift to his girlfriend.She said, “Aww, why are you so sweet? ”He said, “It’s just the
way I yam.”
Soft fruits make really supportive parents. Whenever their youngsters fail at something, they just smile and say “Have another bite at the cherry.”
A packing plant received a load of lettuce to process. The workers grabbed the boxes quickly from the top and the bottoms fell out spilling the produce.
The boss yells, grab the boxes by the bottom, or heads are going to roll!
What did Bacon say to Tomato? Lettuce get together!
A dog in a pumpkin patch is called...
a pumpkin pooch.
Where's the best place to get information about eggs?
The hen-cyclopedia.
The cold broth is known to have lived in Stock-holm.
Which book will be preferred by a man who sells milk? Cream and Punishment.
"Thanks a brunch for the meal!", said the punny man when he sat to eat.
What do you call a vegetable planted at a whore house?
A brothel sprout.
What do potatoes become when they smoke weed?
Baked potatoes.
Where did the onion find his family history?
In the archives
What is a cowboy’s favorite tree?
A horse chestnut tree.
What do you call Chewbacca with chocolate stuck in its fur?
chocolate chip wookiee.
Why did the egg go to school?
To get egg-ucated.
Let's pumpkin spice things up a bit
Where do bananas go to learn to be sweet?
Sundae School.
The fruit stutters because it suffers from a peach impediment.
If you search for pictures of corn on Google you'll only get stalk pictures.
"Can I get some peas and quiet?!" shouted the pea dad angrily.
What did the worm want to do when he grew up? He wanted to join the Apple Core (Corps).
Q: What do you call a scary berry?
A: A boo-berry.
What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven? Angel food cake, of course!
What did the egg say to the clown?
You crack me up.
What happened after an explosion at a French cheese factory? All that was left was de brie.
What would a potato say to a peach? – “You have a nice pit!”
Why did the peanut take everything off its wall? It didn’t want any walnuts.
What kind of socks do you need to plant cayenne pepper? Garden hose!
Why did the hummus blush?
Because it saw a chickpea!
What do we call a plumb pineapple? It is called a pineapple chunk!
What did the coffee say about its late assignment? Better latte than never.
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