What did the steak say to his girlfriend? You're the apple of my rib-eye!
What word backwards can predict the future? Cookies (Seikooc as in psychic of you say it).
Last year, when I went to Texas, I met this very polite and gentle onion. Its name was the Texas supa-sweet onion.
What did the horny woman say about her coffee?
That coffee’s not the only thing that’s hot and wet this morning.
"I hate tacos!"
Said no Juan ever.
Why does the mushroom always get invited to pizza parties?
Because he’s such a fungi!
What can a whole apple do that half an apple can't do? It can look round.
The pineapple is pining for the summer.
Did you hear that they're trying to convict an orange?
It got wrapped up in appeal.
You know why I love bread puns? Because they never go stale.
What’s a potato’s least favorite dance? The Mash Potato.
Do not be sad because of these bad words. You are always a fineapple in my heart.
I saw a fruit running from the police recently
It was a water felon.
Pumpkin Spice and Everything Nice
How do you make dog bread? You use collie flour.
What did the steak say when he came across his nemesis? Ah, we meat again!”
What happened to the football team that practiced in a corn field?
They got creamed!
Why are candles lit on top of birthday cakes?
It’s impossible to light them on the bottom
How do you milk sheep ?
Release another iPhone.
I've written a book about a very grumpy British pea farmer, it's called "Mind your peas and queues."
The orange said to the melon, “You are one in a melon.” The melon replied, “You are so appealing.”
How does a potato win at Street Fighter? By mashing the kick button.
Why did the orange’s musical number receive a bad review?
Because it wasn’t an “orange-inal.”
What do dogs like to drink? Kit-Tea.
What’s the National Donut Day theme song?
“Donut Stop Believing.”
Why wouldn’t the reporter leave the mashed potatoes alone? He desperately wanted a scoop.
If that’s the case, would it be wrong to say that the unfaithful watermelon had an illegitimate daughtermelon?
What is green and brown and crawls through the grass? A Girl Scout who has lost her cookie.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you going to open the door.
What does a hippy cherry wear to a festival? A pie dye T-shirt.
Knock knock!
Who’s there? Doughnut. Doughnut Who? Doughnut forget to close the door!
What group of cheese has been known to fly? Curds of prey!
When Berry the dog dug up the woman's strawberry patch, she angrily exclaimed "That is the final straw, Berry."
You've really struck a gourd with me...
The young loaf of bread ended up getting fired from his job because he kept loafing around. Poor guy.
Ladies, if he can't appreciate your fruit jokes, you need to let that mango.
"No wine left behind."
I yam what I yam.
What happens when two coffee lovers disagree on their favorite roast? It turns into a heated debate.
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party? You can have your cake and eat it too.
What do you get if you cross a pumpkin with a bigfoot?
A Sasquash.
They asked how the watermelon farmer felt after winning the lottery; clever bugger said he felt like a melon bucks.
What do they do when the fruit educator is sick? They bring in a substitute peacher.
What would you call two banana skins? A pair of slippers!
What did baby clock ask mama clock? Where's father Thyme.
Can I have some of your avocado?
GUAC NO! I give zero guacs! You need to guac off!
Did you hear about the guy who put little G.I. Joe soldiers at the bottom of his coffee cup?
He’d heard that the best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup!
This Halloween I'm gourd out of my mind!
What nut is broken?
“A silly nut”
Because the platypus both lays eggs and produces milk,
It is one of the few animals that can make its own custard.
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