A cow usually prefers to eat moo-sli for breakfast.
I rarely put orange slices in my beer.
Once in a Blue Moon.
What do you call fake ramen noodles? An impasta.
I'm worried that the milk I got this morning was from a cloned cow. It tasted exactly like the milk I had yesterday.
A dog in a pumpkin patch is called...
a pumpkin pooch.
Q: What made the green pea turn red?
A: It saw the salad dressing.
Who is the corniest baseball player of all time?
Ty Cobb!
How do two cherries make up after an argument? They cherry the hatchet.
How good is a Coney Island gyro? Feta than se*.
I'd tell you about a girl that eats nothing but vegetables,
but I'm sure you've herbivore.
My town always holds a contest to see which beer drinker's belly is biggest by seeing how far it goes past a line...
That's the paunch-line.
A farmer complained that he didn't have enough fruit to make a living.
I told him he needs to grow a pear.
What do you get when you spill soup on a comic book? Souperman.
Did you hear about the cheese failed to medal at the olympics? It fell at the final curdle
My sister's trying to get famous. She'll never make it, she's just a wanna-pea.
What did the pizza say when it asked the topping out on a date?
I never sausage a beautiful face.
What did the guy at the party say when he realized there was nothing left to dip his tortilla chip in?
“I’ve hit guac bottom.”
What do you say if someone steps on a banana peel? Well I guess he didn't find that appealing!
Lemonade and iced tea make an Arnold Palmer. What do you get when you Mix Lemonade with a tea bag?
Benedict Arnold Palmer
What did the cherry say to the cherry pie? I really crust you.
At the bar mitzvah ceremony, the Jewish onion greeted his uncle by saying 'Shallot'.
What do cheese makers dance to on halloween? The muenster mash!
What pickup line can you use to pick up a cheese lover?
“Are you cheddar? ‘Cause you’re lookin’ sharp!”
What is a pirate’s favorite cheese?
Ched-arrrrgh!
Why did the lemon fail its driving test?
Because it kept peeling out
Cherry pie will set you back 10 dollars in Antigua, but 15 in Barbados. Yes, those are the pie rates of the Caribbean.
What did the steak say to his enemy? I have a T-bone to pick with you!
What did the hummus say to the pita bread when he got sick?
I falafel.
What do bread kids say during hide-and-seek?
Bready or not, here I crumb!
Onions are great at being psychologists as they let people cry their hearts out in front of them.
The pancake was quiet because it did not like to waffle.
He is a humble husband. Unlike others, he never blows his crumpet after making breakfast for his wife everyday.
A person who only loves himself and waffles in the entire world is an Eggomaniac.
When does a hot dog have a close shave? At the barber-cue!
Things don’t always pine out the way we want them to, but we can-nut give up!
What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven? Angel food cake, of course!
Plain popcorn? You can do butter than that.
What do you call a pumpkin that can slam dunk a basketball?
Michael Gourdan.
What do you call an onion that carries electromagnetic waves? A photonion.
If you put your ear up to a Taco Shell
You can hear the Sí.
How do you get the most apples at Halloween? Take a snorkel.
My doctor said I need to change my diet. He said I should eat more more caviar and drink more champagne. So, I said, "That's insane! What kind of a diet is that?" He replied, "It's called a High Fluten Diet."
Why does the mushroom always get invited to pizza parties?
Because he’s such a fungi!
Why did the farmer buy a brown cow?
He wanted chocolate milk.
An owner of a pizza shop has just been found dead covered with pineapple, ham, mushrooms, and pepperoni. Word is that he topped himself.
Which nut is worth the most?
A cash-ew.
Q: How do two cherries make up after an argument?
A: They cherry the hatchet.
An Native American drank 100 cups of tea.
Next day they found him dead in his tea pee.
Why are pickles in sandwiches always so polite?
They're well-bread.
Made the mistake of offering my realtor some lipton iced tea
I forgot that he only drinks realty.
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