A cup of coffee is the ideal start to a brew-tiful morning!
What is a strawberry's favorite music band? Pearl Jam.
An angry fruit yells at traffic in front of them
“Mango!”
I really like corn, but I can't find it because this time of year it's never in stalk
Is tea with additional salt
Salt-tea?
A skeleton walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a beer and a mop.
Whenever I give my daughter cherries, she stuffs them in the chair
Now we call them chairries
Everybody romaine calm.
What did the pizza say to the delivery guy?
“You don’t pepper-own me.”
…and what did the delivery guy say in reply?
“Hey now, don’t get saucy.”
Last night I was kidnapped by Aliens. They forced to work providing teas and coffees on their spaceship.
I told one alien that I couldn't find any milk. He said "In space, no one can. Here, use cream."
What type of window do donuts prefer in their homes?
Double glazed.
Why is a pineapple so attractive? Because it keeps its juices flowing.
What is the best way to stop a pizza curling?
Hide its brush.
How do you get the most apples at Halloween? Take a snorkel.
When the bread started crying because it was toast, the loaf told him, "You deserve butter."
The pot of coffee he just made is basically break fluid.
What do all the onions decide to do over unfair wages? They decide to form a labor onion.
What do you get when you cross a chicken and a cow? Roost beef!
A dog in a pumpkin patch is called...
a pumpkin pooch.
Do you know why do the hipsters burn their tongue? It is because they eat their soup before it gets cool.
The only type of cookies a cookie monster loves to eat during Halloween is Ghoul Scout Cookies.
Did you hear about the secret guild of bakers? They say that they only trade recipes on a knead to know basis.
What a spud muffin.
When you cross a train engine with a strawberry tart, you make a puff pastry.
“I can’t breathe” One potato said to the other. “What happened? ” The other said. The potato replied “I
feel I dropped my nose somewhere”
Why did the blonde buy a brown cow? To get chocolate milk.
Where did the milk write everything about her life? In her dairy.
Why are candles lit on top of birthday cakes?
It’s impossible to light them on the bottom
What do you call a very tall cherry blossom tree in Italy? The leaning flower of Pisa.
What is a monkey's favorite cookie? Chocolate chimp!
Why doesn’t the squirrel accept cash or credit at his store? Because it only accepts cash.
How do you say “four avocados” in Spanish?
Um, avo-cuatro?
What do you call a sausage that's been to the doctor? Cured meat!
What do you say to an avocado who’s done a good job?
“Bravocado!”
Basketball players always drop cookies into their milk.
That way, it's a slam dunk.
How did the hotdog overcome his fear of ketchup? He mustered up the courage.
What do you call a girl with no arms, no legs, sitting in a watermelon patch?
“Melanie! (melon-y)”
While leaving, the peach friend told his sad buddy, "If you need any help, just peach out, I will be there."
What did the orange say before jumping into the juicer?
“The zest is yet to come!”
Q: What would a peach love to pet?
A: A Pit Bull.
What kind of nuts come in cans?
Creamed a-corn.
I used to randomly steal beverages off people...
I stopped when I realized it wasn't my cup of tea
What does a caped monkey superhero drive?
A banana-mobile.
How did the egg get up the hill?
It scrambled up.
Everyone makes fun of him for using old coffee, but he insists it has the greatest sedimental value.
How does the recipe for German Sauerbraten begin? "First invade ze kitchen."
What do you find when you swallow peas whole?
Inner peas
You shouldn’t put orange slices in your beer. Well, maybe once in a Blue Moon.
Don’t ask me why I love wine. I have my rieslings.
"Everything happens for a riesling, right?"
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