When is a birthday cake like a golf ball? When it's been sliced.
Q: What do you call a scary berry?
A: A boo-berry.
Q: Did you hear about the pea that changed careers?
A: He went into a different field!
"Partners in wine."
If fish is a type of brain food, then dumb people probably love eating noodle soup.
If Jim has 15 watermelons and throws one at Mary, what does Mary have?
“A really bad headache!”
Where’s the best place to find out information about pistachios?
The inter-nut.
"I make pour decisions."
Have you heard about the pig who killed his own farmer? He did it to save his bacon.
Did you see the movie about the hot dog? It was an Oscar Wiener
What is a cheese’s favorite kind of philosophy?
Epistemology and fetaphysics.
Why did the squirrel ask for a pay raise?
He was paid peanuts.
Why do kids love to clean out the cookie jar for Halloween? To make room for Halloween candy.
Did you hear what happened with the sourdough bread? It really rose to the occasion today.
What do teachers drink at school? Facul-Tea.
Vine Thought of the Day: Choosy moms choose wine!
What's the only tea an Englishman can't stand?
Humidity.
What do squirrels watch on TV?
Nut-flix.
Where do bananas go to learn to be sweet?
Sundae School.
Back in the early 2010s, the peach children loved to flock around to listen to Peach Pit.
My son's asked for a strange Christmas present this year. It's really cheap though so I don't mind.
I'm not sure why he wants an eggs box though.
What did Snow White call her chicken?
Egg White.
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef.
Which type of nut goes to outer space?
An astro-nut
Why did the hipster burn his tongue? Because he drank his tea before it was cool.
I tried calling my fruit friend thrice, but could not peach him, as his phone was out of peach.
My wife looked at me and said “You think you’re pretty sharp, don’t you?”
You don't know jack-o-lantern
What do French cherry parents say to their little cherries at home? You are mon cherry.
Why did the squirrel go to kola-nary school? Because it had pines to be a chef.
There’s this corn on the cob stand that I really like, but it started making ads
They were really corny.
Donut even think about taking another donut!
Did you hear about the man who used to be addicted to eating raw meat? Don't worry, he's cured now!
Q: Why do peas dislike noisy eaters?
A: Because they want peas and quiet.
I eat a ton of corn everyday.
I guess that makes me a cornivore.
Why was the cheese asked to leave the restaurant?
The cook said “we don’t serve your rind here”.
What song do young peaches love listening to? 'Papa don't peach'.
Q: What happens when two oranges collide?
A: They get en-tang-led!
What do ghoul scouts hope to achieve by selling halloween cookies? They hope to make a good first impression.
I lost one pea from my plate at dinner the other day. It was an escape-pea.
How are a car and a bicycle similar?
“You can’t make watermelon juice out of either of them.”
What do you call a baker with a cold?
Coughee cake.
What do you say if someone steps on a banana peel? Well I guess he didn't find that appealing!
How much does a corn flake weigh?
1 Kelloggram.
Why will you never meet an ice cream workaholic?
They know how to chill out.
Why are watermelons, such good entrepreneurs?
“They always have seed money.”
What did the guy at the party say when he realized there was nothing left to dip his tortilla chip in?
“I’ve hit guac bottom.”
Me: I think I'll take a dip in the pool.
Lifeguard: What ya got there?
Me: Hummus.
Did you hear about that show that tests the listening skills of vegetables?
Its tests the ears of its corn-testants.
When I took a break from having soup, my mom said "Carry on, why did you stoup?"
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