Why did the butcher work overtime at the grocery store? To make ends meat!
How far can a mango,
If he's got a license but doesn't avocado ?
I've been feeling really down recently so I thought I'd cheer myself up by making a nice cheese and pickle sandwich.
But when I picked up the pickle jar, it said "reject if depressed", so now I'm off to take an overdose.
What did the commedian say after after a bad set?
That crowd was laughtose intolerant.
What type of nut do you find in the toilet?
A pee-nut.
Why is cherry pie so legendary? Because it is history in the baking.
Why did one melon break up with the other melon?
“He didn’t know water problem was.”
My bag of fruit snacks had all grapes
Today’s gonna be a grape day!
"Everything happens for a riesling, right?"
What happened to the lost beef shipment? Nobody's herd.
Q: Which basketball players eat fruits?
A: The ones who like to cherry pick.
Mom, what do we have for dinner? I cannot tell you, son, it is a soup-rise! Is it soup? I soup-pose it would be.
What does a duck that’s made of avocado say?
Guac.
I got some salt in my eye
Now it’s sea salt.
What is the hippest kind of fruit? A bae-nae-nae.
I lost one pea from my plate at dinner the other day. It was an escape-pea.
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party?
You can have your cake and eat it too.
Why do you always bring a bag of chips to a party? In queso emergency.
Q: What kind of decisions do peaches make?
A: Fruitful ones.
Knock Knock.
Who’s there? Donut. Donut who? Donut ask, it’s a secret!
The manager at the bread store told the baker that he had to stop loafing around. The baker said that it was his job.
Some very good advice strawberries give to their children is to respect their elder-berries.
What's a barista's favorite morning mantra? Rise and grind.
Did you hear about the pea pod that became damaged?
It had to wear a pod cast.
What kind of celebration pays down the national debt? A tea party.
What did the orange say to the lemon?
"'yello!"
Why did Mrs. Wine Grape run away from home?
She was tired of raisin a family.
As a butcher, let me advise you never to back up into the meat grinder. It will make you get a little behind in your work.
What's the best way to get King Kong to sit up and beg? Wave a two-ton banana in front of his nose.
When is a birthday cake like a golf ball? When it's been sliced.
What do you call the onions which are small and yellow and very naughty? You call it a minonion!
Where do vegetables keep their money?
In the credit onion.
When I tried taking a picture of my bread load, it came out grainy. I think that that is a common problem.
What kind of chips do you eat in the bath?
Shower cream and onion.
All the peanuts decided to start a social nutwork where they would all link up for a common good and even advocate for their rights.
So, how on earth did the police catch the watermelon thief without a solid description? Don’t really know; guess the bloke was acting seedy.
What did the corn say when it was being followed?
“I’m being stalked!”
What do you say happened to an onion who got what it deserved? You say it got karma-lized.
We all know that monkeys of all species love bananas, however, there is one family that doesn’t really fancy them, the orang-utans.
When she asked me if I like soup, I replied saying "I am crazy pho soups".
What do you call a cake that likes heavy metal? Megadeth by Chocolate.
A cable TV installer walks into a bar and orders a beer.
The bartender says, "You'll be served sometime between 7am and 2pm."
"It's wine o'clock."
What do you call a very feminine cow that likes to be in charge? The Dairy Queen.
Did you hear about the little grape who didn’t want to be made into wine?
Unfortunately, he was pressed into service!
What does a cat like to eat on his birthday? Mice cream and cake!
When the little boy was baking a cake why did it run away? Because it said crack 2 eggs then beat it!
What did Shakespeare say as he was making a cheese plate?
To brie or not to brie.
What kind of candy never arrives on time? Chocolate
My son's has never really had much of an appetite.
But suddenly today he's eaten a dozen Kinder eggs whole.
He's full of surprises.
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