Why did the farmer decide not to buy an extra phone? It was because he already had one for onion rings.
What do you call an onion that is very sick and has a high temperature? It is a boiling onion.
What did the mama nut say to her son?
“If I ever cashew doing that, I walnut be happy.”
Strawberries love to travel. Their favorite mode of transport is the wind-jam-mer.
the difference between a pizza and my pizza jokes?
My pizza jokes can’t be topped!
Why did the one legged clown leave the cheese circus? Because he couldn't get his stilton.
If we played hot potato I’d lose, because I’d never let you go.
What beer does everyone at the orphanage drink?
Foster's.
I went to the backyard this morning and saw a bird of prey drinking a pumpkin spice latte.
It was a millennial falcon.
Q: What made the green pea turn red?
A: It saw the salad dressing.
What do people with ambition drink? Loft-Tea.
What's a cow's favorite moosical note? Beef-flat
Did you hear about the butcher that backed into the meat grinder?
He got a little behind in his work.
The United Nations gave its members a basket of peaches on 21 September - the International Peach Day.
Chopping down other people’s cherry trees is definitely frowned upon. However, you likely won’t get into too much trouble for it – as long as you keep hold of the axe!
What do you call a frozen frankfurter? A Chili dog.
I cut a dill with this spicy mami, but at the last minute she ginger mind.
What made the baby cookie cry so loud? His mother was a wafer so long.
When should you take a cookie to the doctor? When it feels crummy. What do the cookie and the computer have in common? They both have chips.
Did you hear about the Italian chef with the terminal illness?
He pastaway. Now he’s just a pizza history.
One day, a young weasel went to the bar. The bartender took one look at him and says, “You are under-aged. I can’t serve you beer.” The weasel asks, “What can I have?”
The bartender replies, “I have bottled water, juice, energy drinks, and pop.”
“Pop!” goes the weasel.
He is a humble husband. Unlike others, he never blows his crumpet after making breakfast for his wife everyday.
How does a cookie wish his friends for Christmas? I whisk you a merry Christmas.
What's the best way to get King Kong to sit up and beg? Wave a two-ton banana in front of his nose.
What do you call a musical lime?
John Lemon.
In the 1970s, hippies loved going to a Grateful Dead concert and getting toasted. That’s certainly the truth.
What cheese surrounds a medieval castle? Moatzeralla
What is an elf's favorite kind of birthday cake? Shortcake!
Why couldnt the pumpkin have kids?
He had a halloweener.
What do you call it when a cheese goes #2?
Fondue-due.
So I was cleaning my spice cabinet...
and now I have a lot of thyme on my hands!
How did the coffee show its love? It said, "Words cannot espresso how much you bean to me."
What is the perfect name for a sad strawberry? It is called a blueberry.
Why did the lemon fail its driving test?
Because it kept peeling out
I have pea soup for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. That’s why I pea soup all night!
Why did the monkey like the banana? Because it had appeal!
Why couldn't the teddy bear finish his dessert? Cause he was stuffed.
Did you hear about the bread party? It’s scone be a lot of fun, and wheat love for you to join us.
I tried calling my fruit friend thrice, but could not peach him, as his phone was out of peach.
Have you heard about the new meat that’s taking the world by storm? It’s a cross between a cow and a chicken. They call it “roost beef”.
Why did the two slices of bread disappear in the middle of the night? They wanted to e-loaf together.
What do you call someone who steals from the keebler elves? A crook-ie
Why was the potato put in an asylum? It was starch raving mad.
What kind of fish is only made of salt.
A tu-na.
A strawberry who is a thief is called a rob-berry
I like fried chickpeas, but I shouldn't eat them. Every time I do I falafel.
Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing!
The soup chef changed the design of his menu. He said his new favorite font is Times New Ramen.
Which language do oranges use to speak to each other? Mandarin.
What do you call a field full of epileptic lettuce ?
Seizure Salad
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