My doctor told me "No more spicy food.", but I decided to have one last fennel fling.
There’s a great new rock and roll cover artist doing the rounds at the moment – his name is Chuck Cherry.
If you’re looking for Valentine’s Day inspiration for a meat loving crush, try “Will you beef my Valentine?”
The chickpea wrote a book, but he didn't release it until after his death. He wanted to do it post-hummusly.
What do you call a house that likes food? a Condoment!
Why do the French eat snails? They dislike fast food.
What do you call the greatest cheese to every live on the earth? Legen-dairy!
Why do banana's do so well on the dating scene? Because they have Appeal!
Why does bread hate hot weather?
It just feels too toasty.
What is a pizza’s favorite movie?
Pie hard.
What should you do if you see a blue banana?
Try and cheer it up.
What do ghoul scouts hope to achieve by selling halloween cookies? They hope to make a good first impression.
Did you hear what happened between the cook and the onion?
I think there was a fight. It got a little dicey and tears were shed.
What kind of celebration pays down the national debt? A tea party.
What do you call an onion who decides to be very eco-friendly in its approach? You name it a green onion.
How will the other onions remember the onion that died? It will be forever minced!
My friend was totally addicted to the cold meat section in our local supermarket. It got so bad, they had to quit cold turkey.
Which Oiler great had a soft spot for Indian food? Jari Curry.
What did one hummus say to the other hummus
“Sabra.”
Predictive Text
It's the scurge of the hummus rice.
What is the most affordable type of meat? Deer, it is always under a buck a pound.
What kind of keys do kids like to carry? Cookies!
When you cross an orange and a bunny, you will end up with a pip squeak.
I can't drink milk. I lactose genes required to digest it.
There are actually two types of apple: pine – apple and bad – apple.
I stopped eating pea soup. I gave it up for lentil.
How many peaches can you fit inside two cans? It depends how big the Toucans are and if they eat peaches.
Strawberries have berry good eyesight because they are packed with a lot of Vitamin See.
"My day just went from super to sip-erb, real quick."
I spent last Christmas with a bunch of soft fruit. I kept getting confused with the toast – they were saying “Eat, drink and be cherry!”
Did you hear about the little people starting a beer making operation?
It's a micro brewery.
I got arrested for the way I eat corn.
They charged me with a salt and buttery.
I tried out a lactose free diet. I stopped because I couldn’t figure out how to milk the almonds.
You’re the tater to my tot. I miss you a lot!
Q: What’s red and invisible?
A: No cherries.
The price of candy at the movie theater is quite ridiculous. They're always raisinet!
What did the Soup Nazi say to the canine? What Soup Dawg.
Let's pumpkin spice things up a bit
The fruit politician is losing its support in the country because of hate peach.
What did the apple say to the almond? You're Nuts!
Too tired, I’m out of aspara-gas.
The problem with collecting wine is that you always end up getting screwed.
I went into the library and asked for pint of milk. The librarian said 'this is a library'. So i whispered 'I'd like a pint of milk please'.
This special peach school is for those Peach kids who are suffering from peach and hearing impairment.
I’m a wrapper, so I get a lot of dough. A bread wrapper, that is.
What did the steak say to his girlfriend? You're the apple of my rib-eye!
What do you call two male avocados who hang out and drink together?
Avocabros.
What type of relationships do hotdogs like to have? A frank relationship, they can’t stand lies.
What do you get when you cross a goblin and cheese? Muenster cheese.
Did you hear? The pilgrims rode the May-Flour so that they could bake bread as they went to America. This is a cute option.