What do they call Chris Christie in New Jersey? Cake Boss.
I eat a ton of corn everyday.
I guess that makes me a cornivore.
How do you describe an onion which is in its early stages after birth? You say it is in its onion-ic period of its life.
What happened when the butcher backed up into the meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work!
Breakfasts with my family always feel like a party because they're always making toasts.
Why did the cookie monster rob the keebler elves? Because they had a lot of dough.
Apples are red. Grapes are blue. Pineapples are sweet. And so are you.
I just finished the Mona Lisa made from vegetables. It's a masterpeas.
How do you spot a radical baker?
They’re always going against the grain.
While leaving, the peach friend told his sad buddy, "If you need any help, just peach out, I will be there."
Why do hens lay eggs?
Because if they dropped them, they'd break.
Did you hear about the ice cream that went to prison?
They got their just desserts.
What did the Mexican heavy metal guitarist say to his bandmates?
“Rock out with your guac out.”
What do you call a pumpkin that can slam dunk a basketball?
Michael Gourdan.
What beer does everyone at the orphanage drink?
Foster's.
What is the pineapple’s relationship status? Pineapply married.
I squeezed the innards of a pumpkin into a glass, and the result was just beautiful
In fact, it was gourdjuice.
What do teachers drink at school? Facul-Tea.
What do you call a pastry that is a priest?
A Holy Donut!
Time fries when you’re having fun!
Why shouldn't you shop at the Banana Republic? Because the employees look like a bunch of dicks.
“Spring, salad, shallot, picked”, said a friend. He knows his onions.
I was souper excited to hear some soup puns for the comic chef - but his performance did not excite miso much.
What kind of candy is never on time? ChocoLATE
Why did the butchers meating end soon? Because one of them started beef.
What has 100 teeth and eats wieners? A zipper!
What can you only drink in the Middle East? Dust-Tea.
What is the name of the country near Iraq that is made entirely of cheese? Curd-istan
What nut is always begging for attention?
Pssst-tachios.
What is the recipe for Honeymoon Salad? Lettuce alone without dressing.
I asked my nectarine friend how she was doing after her break up and she said 'It's the pits, man.'
Are you a vegan?
'Cause I yam.
Why did the farmer feed his pigs a mixture of sugar, vinegar, and soy sauce? He wanted sweet and sour pork.
What did one nut say to the other?
“Cashew later.”
When does Oliver Stone eat ice cream? Any Given Sundae.
How does Reese eat her ice cream?
Witherspoon.
What does a mommy cherry say to her children? I love you cherry much.
If you bake an oatmeal raisin cookie at a temperature of 666 degrees, what do you call it? Raisin hell!
What did the egg do when it saw the frying pan?
It scrambled.
I was sitting in the toilet at Taco Bell and it reminded me of my divorce.
It was extremely messy and involved a lot of paperwork.
What do you call an onion who wants to go on romantic dates in Paris? A French onion.
My friend was totally addicted to the cold meat section in our local supermarket. It got so bad, they had to quit cold turkey.
Went to the doctor because I got a strawberry stuck in my ear
He gave me some cream for it
You spilled your entire cup of coffee? What's sumatra with you?
Do librarians like white wine?
No, they like theirs well red!
"It's wine o'clock."
What is a butcher’s favorite Elvis Presley song? Love Meat Tenders.
What do you say happened to an onion who got what it deserved? You say it got karma-lized.
What if someone made raisins with juice in them
That would be grape.
How do you share a piece of cheese with a bear?
Caerphilly.
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