Went to a German restaurant. The beer was fine,
But their sausage was the wurst!
What drink do you need to steal? Virgin-tea. Why do hipsters only drink iced tea? Because ice was water before it was cool.
I'm the pun King of Halloween.
How are a car and a bicycle similar?
“You can’t make watermelon juice out of either of them.”
I went to an English camping party with some vegetables. We stayed in a tea-pea.
Say this aloud: Eye Yam Stew Peed
What do you call a hot dog race? Wiener takes all.
What did the pinecone say to the pineapple? Nice to meet juice.
I had thought of a lot of good bread puns, but they seem to have gone a rye. I know the feeling.
What's yellow and always points to the north? A magnetic banana.
A fruit was madly in love, it was peachy–keen.
just bought 5 slabs of San miguel, 10 sombreros and 25 tacos,
I'm Hispanic buying
My wife came home angry from the gynecologist after he told her she had to stop using lemon douche
She's been such a sour puss about it.
What did the egg say to the clown?
You crack me up.
Cherries are the worst soft fruits to watch scary movies with. They spend the whole time hiding behind a cushion as they are cherrified.
When can a pizza marry a hot dog? After a very frank relationship.
What do you call a depressed vegetable
Despairagus.
If tomatoes are a fruit
Then ketchup is a smoothie.
Do you know why bread hates warm weather? It just makes things too toasty.
What did Bacon say to Tomato? Lettuce get together!
What do you call two banana skins? A pair of slippers
How many grams of protein are in an apple pi? 3.14159265
How can you tell that a blondes been baking chocolate chip cookies? Theres M&M shells all over the floor.
What would you call two banana skins? A pair of slippers!
What do you call an onion that keeps on jumping up and down? You call it a spring onion!
Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock? Because it was marble cake!
I walked into the kitchen and saw my wife chopping onions which made me cry
Onions was a good dog
What did the avocado say to the fork? “You guac my world.”
Why did the monkey like the banana? Because it had appeal!
What do you call a cake that likes heavy metal? Megadeth by Chocolate.
How does a cheese tell you they want to be with you?
“I think you and I would look gouda together.”
Did you hear about the pear that fell off of the tree and fell to its death?
The damage was irreparable.
What did the doughnut say to the pizza?
If I had as much dough as you, I wouldn’t be hanging around this hole.
Why did the man put the cake in the freezer? Because his wife told him to ice it!
Do you know what the favourite soup of a ghost is? It is the Scream of Broccoli.
Why did the Oreo go to the dentist? Because it lost its filling
What did the salt say after it was pepper-sprayed?
That's nothing to sneeze at.
Q: Why did the fruit stop for some time while driving?
A: It wanted to make a quick pit-stop
What's a baby gherkin's favorite TV channel?
Pickleodeon.
Why did the orange’s musical number receive a bad review?
Because it wasn’t an “orange-inal.”
What do you call a piece of cheese that likes to shoot hoops? Swiss!
What did the oreo cookie say to his filling? You’re my butter half.
What do you call a dog who only eats garlic and onions?
A dog with a bark worse than its bite.
When she asked me if I like soup, I replied saying "I am crazy pho soups".
What would Santa’s name be if he wore orange instead of red?
Fanta Claus.
Why don’t most people enjoy jokes about taco shells?
They’re too corny
What is a hair stylist's favorite steak? A flat iron!
Sorry kids - we won't be carving pumpkins this year... Sorry to squash your enthusiasm.
Do you know what is so special about the alphabet soup of Twitter? It only allows 140 letters.
Why didn't the drunk Mexican druglord find the Bacon Tree? Because he walked into a Ham Bush!
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