Do librarians like white wine?
No, they like theirs well red!
My father is a farmer who grows strawberries. However, his business has recently gone into liquidation after he made smoothies.
What's a vampire's most favorite fruit? It must be a neck-tarine peach.
The cold broth is known to have lived in Stock-holm.
what does a female corn do when she likes a male corn?
she corn-fesses.
Where did the spinach go to have a few drinks? The Salad Bar!
Which vegetable is the most qualified?
Qualiflower.
Did you hear about the guy who forgot to use the colander when making mac and cheese?
His wife gave him a restraining order.
How did the roommate who stole the last avocado from the fruit bowl justify her thievery?
“I know it’s wrong, but it feels so ripe!”
My mother says: “Leave that peach cobbler alone on the table!” However, I cannot help myself and sneak in to watch it making beautiful peach shoes.
How does lettuce listen to music?
Headphones.
What do you feed the son of god? Cheeses of Nazareth.
Why are hot dogs angry? Because they are always getting roasted.
What kind of candy makes fun of you? Tootsie Trolls.
Why did Wonder Woman rescue the Wine?
Because that's what grape lady superheroes do!
Q: Why can’t oranges be pirates?
A: They don’t get scurvy.
What do you call an angry nut with a mustache?
A pistachio.
I think therefore I yam.
What is the wealthiest nut ever?
“A cashooo.”
What do you call a piece of cheese that likes to shoot hoops? Swiss!
The least favorite day for an orange is a juice day.
What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck? Milk and Quackers!
What happened when rockers couldn't get their favorite dessert? Rage against the Broken Ice Cream Machine.
What is a lions favourite cheese? Roar-quefort
What would you call a steak that leaped off the table and ran away? Fast food, of course.
The apple says to the pineapple “What? Go out with you tonight? It will not happen in a million years!” Since then, we have a crushed pineapple.
The watermelon thief was charged with robbery with violence, but the judge later changed that to a minor felony; or melony as he put it.
What does a duck that’s made of avocado say?
Guac.
What do you get when if you cross a potato and the terminator?
A termitator.
In some way, being a bowl of soup is like being a man. You are only blown when you are hot!
My Dad told me why Busch is the only brand of beer he ever drinks.
"It's the only beer that says it's name when you open it."
What's in a honeymoon salad?
Lettuce alone
Everyone needs to eat bread because loaf is what makes the world go round. Loaf truly is.
Why did the butcher work overtime at the grocery store? To make ends meat!
Why do golfers love donuts?
Always a hole-in-one!
A strawberry usually gets stuck often when it gets jammed.
Swallowing a cherry stone is not the end of the world. It’s just one of life’s little pitfalls.
A cued peach visual communication system is used with people suffering from peach and hearing impairment.
What kind of pizza do you order on Christmas?
Cheeses Crust.
Don't tell secrets in corn fields.
Too many ears around.
What happens after you eat an entire gallon of "All Natural" ice cream? You get Breyer's remorse!
Q: What do you call two peas in a pod?
A: Peepee.
Did you hear what happened to the girl who twisted her ankle in the cow’s pen? She was milking her injury!
Why did the cow and the bull become so close? Because they became beef-friends.
Did you see the movie about the hot dog? It was an Oscar Wiener.
What did the judge say at the finale of the meat throwing competition? The steaks have never been higher!
The fruit bat ate the orange because of its appeal. It had such a nice color.
A burglar broke into my house and took all my condiments, now I'm Spiceless in Seattle.
I hear Jake finally broke up with his crazy grocer girlfriend; never could tell water problem was.
What do you call a watermelon that spends all day at the beauty spa? Must be a hottermmelon.
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