Which vegetable is most likely to be your friend?
The broccoli.
What do citrus fruits use to get dates?
Pickup limes.
I tried looking up ice cream puns on the Internet...
But then my browser froze.
The butcher’s life was at steak when the meat market caught fire.
What happened when an orange, an apple, and a banana all went on a picnic together?
They had a “fruit-ful” day.
What do u get from a perverted apple? Hard Cider.
Why do workers at the dairy factory always need a charger? Their milk is stuck at 1%.
The young loaf of bread ended up getting fired from his job because he kept loafing around. Poor guy.
The price of candy at the movie theater is quite ridiculous. They're always raisinet!
What do bread kids say during hide-and-seek?
Bready or not, here I crumb!
If you can't get Swine Flu from eating bacon what can you get? A1: Obesity A2: Heart Disease A3: Hardening of the Arteries.
Whenever I give my daughter cherries, she stuffs them in the chair
Now we call them chairries
What did the ice cream cone write on his valentine card?
You make me melt.
What kind of eggs does a confused chicken lay?
Scrambled eggs.
What do you do if you see a blue banana? Try to cheer it up.
Boy: Oh I can't believe that Jesus is so sweet! Girl: Well that's because He's a life saver!
What does a cherry say when it delivers bad news? Don't fruit the messenger.The Peach President lost the presidential race because he got im-peached.
Knock knock!
Who’s there? Doughnut. Doughnut Who? Doughnut forget to close the door!
What do you drink before you audition for "The Voice" ? Tea-Lo Green
You knead me in your loaf.
At a meeting, Mr. Tomato asked Mr. Peach, "Can you give me the peach cobbler's number, I need to mend my shoes".
What kind of tea do babies drink? Tit Tea.
That wide loaf has a decent bread-th. Nice.
Why did the Iron Chef have to stop cooking? He ran out of Thyme.
What did the cow say to his friend when they met twice in the same day? “What a cow-incidence!”
What do squirrels watch on TV?
Nut-flix.
What’s the National Donut Day theme song?
“Donut Stop Believing.”
What do politicans need to drink? Honest-Tea.
How does a hen leave its house?
Through the eggs-it.
I hear Jake finally broke up with his crazy grocer girlfriend; never could tell water problem was.
What’s a potato’s favorite TV program? Starch Trek.
A man walks into a bar with a fried egg on his head.
The bartender asks, "Why have you got a fried egg on your head?"
The man replies, "Because boiled eggs fall off."
Did you hear about the guy who put little G.I. Joe soldiers at the bottom of his coffee cup?
He’d heard that the best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup!
Why did the baker keep putting too much flour in the bread? Because he was a gluten for punishment.
Which nut is the worst for your diet?
Donuts.
Why are bananas never lonely?
Because they hang around in bunches.
What do you call a dog with a fever? A hot dog.
What did the orange say before jumping into the juicer?
“The zest is yet to come!”
Don't be too harsh on the bread. All it kneads is love.
Why did Mrs. Wine Grape run away from home?
She was tired of raisin a family.
What do you call a fruit riding a motorcycle?
“An Orange County Chopper.”
They say that the local baker is the breadwinner of his family. True enough.
My wife told my four year old daughter that she couldn’t use her plastic IKEA knife to slice mangos.
I said “Yeah kid, that’s just not going to cut it.”
"Oh, sweet child of wine."
What do you call bacon with salt on it?
Salt and Peppa.
I made a pie with a can of peas in. Pea-can pie. It didn't taste how I imagined.
What did the fruit bowl say when it saw Santa Claus come down the chimney? We wish you a cherry Christmas!
Why did the hare go to the taco truck?
He couldn't beat the tortas.
Why did the banana go out with a lemon?
Because it couldn't find a date!
What kind of chips do you eat in the bath?
Shower cream and onion.
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