I got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallow, and nuts.
I won’t lie, it was a rocky road.
Ciabatta stay away from me because I don’t want naan of that. That’s one way to tell someone to keep away.
I switched labels in my wife's spice cabinet.
She hasn't noticed, but the thyme is cumin.
Why did the orange lose his job at the factory? He didn’t concentrate.
What is a chillin' banana's favorite song?
Mellow Yellow!
The cheap baker only paid his employees a flourly rate. Cheapskate!
A farmer complained that he didn't have enough fruit to make a living.
I told him he needs to grow a pear.
Don't use raw milk to make butter
It's not worth the whisk
When should you take a cookie to the doctor? When it feels crummy. What do the cookie and the computer have in common? They both have chips.
Wholey-grain! You really bread my mind!
Which nut has won the World Cup the most times?
A Brazil nut.
Why shouldn’t you go into business with a watermelon?
“They’re seedy.”
So yesterday I saw a bottle of ketchup steal a bottle of mustard
'Twas saucepicious
How do monsters like their eggs?
Terri-fried.
What do cherries say to their best friends? You are cherrific!
What did the blind man say after being handed a cheese grater? "That's the most violent book I've ever read."
What do you call a magician nut?
“An individual who is able to turn into a nut.”
Why did the baker quit making donuts?
Because he was fed up with the hole business!
I seem to have run out of tea...
What a catastrotea.
What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven? Angel food cake, of course!
What do you call a group of men waiting for a haircut? A barbercue.
Why shouldn't you shop at the Banana Republic? Because the employees look like a bunch of dicks.
What do you say happened to an onion who got what it deserved? You say it got karma-lized.
What do you call a nut who loves the game of chess?
A chess-nut.
The least favorite day for an orange is a juice day.
I'm the pun King of Halloween.
Someone asked me recently why I don't put any ketchup or mustard on my hotdog
And I told them it's because I just wanna relish it.
Why did the banana go out with a prune?
Because he couldn't find a date.
What do you drink if you want to freshen your breath? Mint-Tea.
What’s a nut’s favorite Shakespeare line?
“To be or nut to be.”
Nobody wants to sit next to the watermelon in the class because it has a strange smelon.
Donut even think about taking another donut!
What do you do when your partner drinks your coffee? I don't know, but that's certainly grounds for divorce.
Why did the lemon fail its driving test?
Because it kept peeling out
The scientist was meticulous about his strawberry pies. He rounded up the protein content of his pie at 3.14.
Why does bread looks so bad in photographs?
It’s just too grainy.
Did you hear about the orange boxer?
He got beaten to a pulp.
How do you make an apple turnover? Push it down hill.
The fruit bat ate the orange because of its appeal. It had such a nice color.
What did the expired milk say after being picked up way past its due date? It was well beyond their wildest creams.
What did the annoyed peach say to the mango?
Man-go away!
Why do banana's do so well on the dating scene? Because they have Appeal!
You really ate dog meat? How was it?
.... ruff
"Oh, sweet child of wine."
I tried finding the dairy factory last night, but I had no luck. I must have lost my whey.
What happens if you swallow a whole corn cob?
You get corn-stipated!
I told the cowboy to eat salad with his fingers
He said he needed a ranch hand.
A strawberry's favorite celebrity is Mary Berry.
I keep thinking I'll make breakfast pancakes, but I end up waffling.
Knock, knock
Who’s there? CIA CIA, who? CI ate your last doughnut!
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