What did the commedian say after after a bad set?
That crowd was laughtose intolerant.
How did the hotdog ask the ketchup out?
He mustard up the courage.
Did you know dried fruits favorite news segments is...
Current events.
Why does everyone invite ice cream to the party?
It’s cool.
Strawberries are only made in the strawberry plant.
Every December, I really like making an emulsion of egg yolks, melted butter and lemon juice.
So its guaranteed to be a Happy Hollandaise
I always get pickle and chutney mixed up.
It makes me chuckle.
What is the favorite color of onions all around the world? Their favorite color is the o-neon.
Q: What happened to the peach who went to meet the knife?
A: He came back in many peaches.
What did Katy Perry drink when she was little? Bust-Tea.
What is a vegetable's favourite part of the song?
When the beet drops!
I stopped eating pea soup. I gave it up for lentil.
The tiny bag of flour got in trouble, so his mother sent him to bread early. He kneaded to be punished.
Why was the burger sad after losing the race? Because the hotdog was the weiner.
On what radio station would you hear Bob Dill-on?
Vlasic rock.
What do you call an angry nut with a mustache?
A pistachio.
Q: What do you get when you walk around with cherries in your shoes?
A: Toe jam.
I have a friend who has been diagnosed with a phobia of sausages. She always fears the wurst.
Dad fertilized the garden with corn starch.
The plot thickens.
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What do you call mountain climbing corn?
Mountain-ears.
Did you hear about the salad race the other day?
The Lettuce was ahead, but the Tomato was ketchoping up...
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Walnut.
Walnut who?
I walnut tell you. It’s a secret.
What’s worse than finding a worm in your pear?
Finding half a worm.
In my friend's house, I saw an onion ring. So, I picked it up and answered it.
How did the cheese professor start class every day?
Oh queso…
Where does a potato go to college? DeFry
Last night I dreamt I was swimming in a sea of oranges. I guess it was just a Fanta-sea!
Some people prefer milk after it has churned. I guess they find it butter that way.
What do you call a pickle lullaby?
A cucumber slumber number.
Pumpkin Spice season is finally here, better latte than never.
A skeleton walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a beer and a mop.
I have a beer snob friend with Photophobia. He hates natural light.
What did the farmer say when someone complimented him on his corn harvest?
Aww, shucks!
I'd tell you about a girl that eats nothing but vegetables,
but I'm sure you've herbivore.
Why don’t most people enjoy jokes about taco shells?
They’re too corny
The pineapple is pining for the summer.
What do you call a steak hurtling through space? A meat-ior!
What do you call a womanising chocolate? A cad-bury.
What’s a calendars favorite fruit?
Dates.
After I helped a peach with some work, she said, "I really ap-peach-iate your help!"
What is the wealthiest nut ever?
“A cashooo.”
Why should you live a pineapple life? Because Life is sweet.
What do you call two banana skins? A pair of slippers
What does a piece of cheese tell you during a game of tag?
Cheez it.
What's a vampire's most favorite fruit? It must be a neck-tarine peach.
How can you tell that a blondes been baking chocolate chip cookies? Theres M&M shells all over the floor.
What do you get when you cross a chicken and a cow? Roost beef!
Why was the man holding a bottle of ketchup? Because it was raining cats and hot dogs.
I made a pie with a can of peas in. Pea-can pie. It didn't taste how I imagined.
I got a pear stuck in my toilet. All I needed to do was flush and it was gone.
Because a flush always beats a pair.
What’s a milk’s favorite fruit? Cow-conuts.
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