What do you call a sad cup of coffee? A depresso.
He ordered 6 vodkas, 6 beers and 6 lemonades. The bartender asked if he would like a tray.
"No I have enough to carry as it is."
I recently got a new job as a golf caddy, but I was fired after less than an hour.
The guy asked me for a sand wedge. I don't think he likes pickle.
Know what kind of cookies rich people love? Fortune cookies.
What do you call two peas in a pod?
Peepee
Q: Why did the fruit stop for some time while driving?
A: It wanted to make a quick pit-stop
Did you hear the joke about the donut? Probably not, it was crummy!
What do you call a cow that has 1 leg? Steak
What was the main job of the bread truck? To haul buns.
I have an addiction to cheddar cheese.
But it's only mild.
Did you know that Beethoven's favorite fruit
Ba Na Na Naaa...Ba Na Na Naaa...
I squeezed the innards of a pumpkin into a glass, and the result was just beautiful
In fact, it was gourdjuice.
It’s too bad that bread puns are always so crumby. Mmm . . . crumbs.
A cow usually prefers to eat moo-sli for breakfast.
When should you go on a cheese diet? If you need to cheddar a few pounds
Why did the donut start going to therapy? It couldn’t get over the feeling that something was missing — it never felt hole!
Why did the thief steal a pig? Because he was a hamburglar.
What kind of tea do wealthy people own?
Proper-Tea.
Police arrested a man who dropped his phone in the ocean. The was charged with a salt in battery.
What do you call a pickle doctor?
A dill pusher.
What do pigs drive? Pigup trucks.
Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing!
Where did Vegans come from?
Hummus Sapiens
What does a piece of cheese tell you during a game of tag?
Cheez it.
I found my son sleeping in a pile of peas. May he rest in peas.
What did the orange say to the lemon?
"'yello!"
How many atoms are in guacamole?
Avocados number.
As a butcher, let me advise you never to back up into the meat grinder. It will make you get a little behind in your work.
What do you call a self-obsessed egg?
An eggomaniac.
What do you call a steak hurtling through space? A meat-ior!
When shouldn't you believe a word your cheese is saying? When it's too Gouda to be true.
Do you know what you call the outside of a watermelon?
“Rind of.”
What does the ginger bread man put on his bed? A cookie sheet.
Avoid discussing coffee in sensitive company. It can make for a heated and strong debate.
What kind of ice cream does Dracula eat?
Veinilla.
Once I got peas stuck in my ear. I had to make people re-pea-t themselves.
What do you call pears with no ears?
Deaf.
While leaving, the peach friend told his sad buddy, "If you need any help, just peach out, I will be there."
My wife’s an abysmal cook.
She tried combining corned beef, onions and potatoes…
She made a right hash of it.
"I make pour decisions."
Why did the orange get insurance?
Zest in case.
How did the hotdog ask the ketchup out?
He mustard up the courage.
Did you hear about the guy who overdosed on curry powder? He went into a korma.
What do you call a musical lime?
John Lemon.
What is the chemical formula of the molecules in sweets? Carbon-holmium-cobalt-lanthanum-tellurium or CHoCoLaTe
The soup that my mom made for dinner healed my flu in a day. It was almost soup-er natural.
I went to the store today and bought some really oddly shaped eggs.
Now I can't find them. I think they've been mislaid.
My son ate daffodil bulbs instead of onions
But that's really serious! Is he in hospital?
Yes, he's still a bit yellow, but he should be coming out in the spring.
What do you get when you cross an orange with a parrot? A carrot.
Why did the orange come back after it was thrown in the garbage?
It was a boom-orange.
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