What pickup line can you use to pick up a cheese lover?
“Are you cheddar? ‘Cause you’re lookin’ sharp!”
What do you get when an Elephant sits on an Orange?
Orange squash.
Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing!
What do the ducks have for dinner? They have Quackers and soup.
At a meeting, Mr. Tomato asked Mr. Peach, "Can you give me the peach cobbler's number, I need to mend my shoes".
Some peas rolled off my plate, and one went far further than the rest. He was the cham-pea-on.
Have you ever wondered if illiterate people would get the full effects of alphabet soup?
Q: What’s a donut’s favorite drink?
A: Hole-y water!
What do you call a punctual citrus fruit?
A Clockwork Orange.
I had one nutty nightmare last night, it gave me a kola sweat.
How do you catch an elephant?
Act like a peanut.
What do potatoes become when they smoke weed?
Baked potatoes.
So, what do you do with an epileptic watermelon? Simple, you make a seizure salad.
What does a lemon pie and my wife have in common?
They both have meringue on them.
Why does a little cherry always look up to its parents? It tries to follow in their fruitsteps.
What did an angry donut say to his wife?
Donut talk to me.
Why did the two slices of bread disappear in the middle of the night? They wanted to e-loaf together.
What is the greeting that Korean onions tell each other when they meet in the streets? They say 'Onion-Haseyo'.
Did you hear about the love affair between sugar and cream? It was icing on the cake.
What do you call a girl with no arms, no legs, sitting in a watermelon patch?
“Melanie! (melon-y)”
How do you spot a radical baker?
They’re always going against the grain.
What's black, white, orange, and waddles? A penguin carrying a Jack-o-lantern.
Why is it called Almond Milk?
Because no one would buy it if it was called Nut Juice.
Do you know how to get a raise at the bread factory? Try buttering up to the boss.
What is a Malaysian chocolate factory called?
Oompa Lumpur
Q: Which basketball players eat fruits?
A: The ones who like to cherry pick.
My car smelled like bacon when I got home.
My porking brake was on.
My local ice cream man was found dead in his garage covered in strawberry sauce and hundreds and thousands.
Police believe he topped himself.
What’s an orange’s favourite animal? An orange-utan.
Me and my sister used to be like peas in a pod, but recently she's become too snap-pea.
On what radio station would you hear Bob Dill-on?
Vlasic rock.
I was making a salad the other day, and I thought I heard a small red vegetable that was a bit like an onion whispering. Must have been a hoarse radish.
I came across a man who was eating strawberries at the bank. He told me he wanted to eat rich food.
What are pig criminals known for? Pigpockets.
What do you call a lamb covered in chocolate? A Candy Baa. Did you hear about the love affair between Mr. Goodbar and Peppermint Patty? They had a baby, Ruth.
It's my first day on the fishing boat and everyone keeps asking if I've found my sea legs.
I'm not falling for it though. I know for a fact that seals don't lay eggs.
What do you call someone who chokes on their tea?
A cough-y drinker.
What did one Jack-o-lantern say to the other? Cut it out!
.
I’m not old. I’m aged to perfection. And full bodied.
What do you call a baby potato? Tater tots!
Which actor is now being quarantined for Swine Flu? Kevin Bacon
What do you call a house that likes food? a Condoment!
I got arrested for the way I eat corn.
They charged me with a salt and buttery.
What do you call a fruit riding a motorcycle? – An Orange County Chopper.
My doctor said I need to change my diet. He said I should eat more more caviar and drink more champagne. So, I said, "That's insane! What kind of a diet is that?" He replied, "It's called a High Fluten Diet."
An inspirational speaker came to speak at the fruit stand today. He told us to peach for the stars.
Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded? De-brie went everywhere!
What kind of wine do they serve at the horse races?
Chardon-neigh!
What do you call a cup of leaf juice that doesn’t want to be a dad?
Absent-tea parent.
What did the peanut say right before taking an exam? “I walnut fail!”
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