"Is that a yay or cabernet?"
What did one cheese tell the other cheese on Valentine’s day?
Brie mine.
What do you call bananas who are friends with monkeys? A bunch of idiots.
A man likes sending random stuff to his friends through the mail because he finds it funny.
This particular time the man takes some lettuce to the post office to ship to a friend from back home.
He tries to package it up but it won't fit unless he cuts it into smaller peices. He cuts it up and stuffs it in a large envelope, however he forgets to write out and attach a shipping label. He doesn't realize his mistake at the time and brings it to the counter to send.
The postal workers says: "You can't send a salad like that, it needs adressing".
This might sound corny, but I think you’re a-maize-ing.
Which cow has great pickup lines? A cow which is smooth as milk.
How do you get a mouse to smile?
Say cheese.
What do you call a fat pumpkin?
A plumpkin!
Q: Did you hear about the cherry that liked to explode?
A: It was da’ bomb.
Why did the man put the cake in the freezer? Because his wife told him to ice it!
The least favorite day for an orange is a juice day.
What did the fruit bowl say when it saw Santa Claus come down the chimney? We wish you a cherry Christmas!
What is a potato’s life philosophy? I think, therefore I yam.
What do you call a self-obsessed egg?
An eggomaniac.
I've just invented a new Canadian beer
It's a form of I.P.Eh
What happened when rockers couldn't get their favorite dessert? Rage against the Broken Ice Cream Machine.
When it comes to seasonal drinks, more and more are converting to the church of pumpkin spice,
but I choose to remain eggnogstic.
How do you know when guacamole has gone bad?
When it turns guaca-moldy.
How can you tell the difference between a monster and a banana? Try picking it up. If you can't, it's either a monster or a giant banana.
What do you say to an avocado who’s done a good job?
“Bravocado!”
The soup was busy and preoccupied. He was stewing over something his friend said.
So I was cleaning my spice cabinet...
and now I have a lot of thyme on my hands!
In a world that is full of apples, it is much better to be a pineapple.
Chuck berry was undoubtedly the greatest rock and roll strawberry.
What's the most popular American cheese sitcom? Curd Your Enthusiasm
Is it bad to swallow a cherry whole? No don't worry, it's just one of the pitfalls of life.
Why should you avoid discussing coffee around sensitive people?
It can lead to a really heated, strong debate.
What is Tom Hanks' favourite soft cheese? Philadelphia.
How many peaches can you fit inside two cans? It depends how big the Toucans are and if they eat peaches.
What do you call Chewbacca when you have chocolate stuck in your hair?
chocolate chip wookiee.
What do you call a barking pumpkin?
A gourd dog.
I yam rooting for you my sweet potato and I won't mash your heart
Why should you always bring a bag of tortilla chips to a party?
In queso emergency.
I tried out a lactose free diet. I stopped because I couldn’t figure out how to milk the almonds.
I stopped eating pea soup. I gave it up for lentil.
What does a dragon eat with his soup? Firecrackers.
The guilty conscience of stealing and consuming a whole peach is getting to me. I feel like there's a pit in my gut.
What do you call a watermelon that spends all day at the beauty spa? Must be a hottermmelon.
The orange said to the melon, “You are one in a melon.” The melon replied, “You are so appealing.”
I told my mom there was a crack in her mug...
She said, ”No, only tea.”
If you speak Hebrew and life gives you lemons...
You're an acidic Jew.
Somebody should market a beer called “Occasionally”.
So when asked, I can say, “I only drink occasionally”.
---
What do you call a smart beer?
A Pilsnerd.
What did Gorgonzola say to Cheddar? Lookin' Sharp.
Everybody romaine calm.
What do you call an anthropomorphic animal blended in ice cream?
A McFurry
The soup chef changed the design of his menu. He said his new favorite font is Times New Ramen.
Young Billy had to mail a loaf of bread at the toast office today.
Why do wookies love chocolate chip cookies? Because they are chewy.
What does a surprised pumpkin say?
OH MY GOURD!
I sent back the soup served to me at the restaurant. It was not of soup-reme quality.
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