What happened when the beer got divorced?
It became bitter.
Who were the first cheese lovers ever?
Edam and Eve.
What do you call a self-obsessed egg?
An eggomaniac.
No one likes sausage puns, they are the wurst!
Ran out of toilet paper today. We’re now using lettuce leaves.
Today was just the tip of the iceberg. Tomorrow romaines to be seen.
What would you call someone who cheats others while selling milk? A skim artist.
Too tired, I’m out of aspara-gas.
What is a scarecrow’s favorite fruit?
Strawberries.
The reason he went smiling all the way to the jail is because the judge sentenced him to a life behind chocolate bars.
I made some fish tacos last night....
But they just ignored them and swam away.
The old and wise onion had once told me that life is similar to onions. Whenever we peel off our protective layers, we end up crying.
What do you call a depressed vegetable
Despairagus.
Hey you like cherry preserves ?
Never mind, its probably not your jam
Why did the police arrest the milk after it was poured into a bowl of Fruit Loops? They witnessed him drown them. They knew he must be a cereal killer!
In some way, being a bowl of soup is like being a man. You are only blown when you are hot!
How does cabernet like to travel abroad?
On a cruise sip.
A truck with an entire load of strawberries has crashed on the motorway. It's caused a real traffic jam.
What did the therapist say to the pineapple? Look on the bright side.
The bread baker won the girl over because he kept giving her a flour. How sweet!
When is a vegetable also a nut?
When it’s a corn!
Why don't cows have any money? Because farmers milk them dry
What do elephants drink on vacation?
Peanut coladas.
What drink brings you down to earth? Gravi-Tea.
How is coffee better than a woman?
It goes down way easier.
Eggs - the original boneless chicken.
What's a barista's favorite exercise at the gym? The French press.
The bread did not believe that he could work at his job much longer. He was feeling too crusty.
Why didn't the two worms go into Noah's ark in an apple? Because everyone had to go in pairs !
During the summer break, I enrolled myself in a peach coding course.
Why do cherry trees smell?
Because George Washington cut one.
I went to the backyard this morning and saw a bird of prey drinking a pumpkin spice latte.
It was a millennial falcon.
Why didn’t the chef slice his cheese?
He had grater plans.
Recently in a meeting at the greengrocer I work at, I asked my manager how he was doing. "Just peachy", he replied.
What’s a nut’s favorite scary movie?
The Creature from the Black Legume.
"I'm not a wino. I'm a wineYES!"
If you put ice cream on the nutty brownie, you’re serving it ala-mond.
I am a peach, and when my husband accompanies me, we are a pear.
What do cheese makers dance to on halloween? The muenster mash!
The onion teacher was teaching her onion students about figures of speech. Today, she was teaching onionomatopia.
What do we get when we cross a Christmas tree with an apple? We will have a pine – apple!
Even though Jake was a heartthrob Casanova, he just had to break up with his long-time watermelon vending girlfriend; said she was always melondramatic about everything.
Have you guys tried kangaroo beer?
It’s a little hoppy.
What do you give a horse that has just won the Kentucky Derby? An Appletini.
What does a dragon eat with his soup? Firecrackers.
Wine puns. They're always in pour taste.
Where do connoisseurs lock up their best bottles?
In a wine cabernet.
The strawberry was scared of the cream. They were afraid it had gone bad.
What do you call a potato wearing glasses? A spec-tater!
Mom: Did you watch the movie with the little pumpkins?
Dad: I stopped it early because it was too gourdy for me.
Did you know that milk is a very religious beverage? Most of them are pastor-ized.
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