Why did the orange come back after it was thrown in the garbage?
It was a boom-orange.
If you can't get Swine Flu from eating bacon what can you get? A1: Obesity A2: Heart Disease A3: Hardening of the Arteries.
What do peach soldiers say to each other before they are sent into combat? – “Good luck and make sure you come back in one peach!”
When she spotted fake ramen in her soup, she said, “ This soup has impasta in it.”
Do librarians like white wine?
No, they like theirs well red!
Unlike peaches, nectarines don't have any fuzz, because they suffer from Alo-peach-ea.
It’s too bad that bread puns are always so crumby. Mmm . . . crumbs.
What do you call a dinosaur that drinks curry? A Mega-sore-arse.
I heard they sent a beer into space, destined to leave the solar system. They called it Interstella Artois.
How do you make an apple turnover? Push it down hill.
What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven? Angel food cake, of course!
Why did the police arrest the milk after it was poured into a bowl of Fruit Loops? They witnessed him drown them. They knew he must be a cereal killer!
Back in the early 2010s, the peach children loved to flock around to listen to Peach Pit.
What are ice cream cones like as parents?
They’re big softies.
What’s a nut’s favorite scary movie?
The Creature from the Black Legume.
What covers the floor of the motzarella forest?
Cheese sticks.
What is the best way to stop a pizza curling?
Hide its brush.
What did the hummus say to the pita bread when he got sick?
I falafel.
"What do tofu and a dildo have in common?" "They are both meat substitutes!"
What did the peanut say to the cashew after their argument?
Imma cashew outside!
What do you call a metalhead working at Cold Stone? Alice Scooper.
"I'm not a wino. I'm a wineYES!"
My friend: *Throws salt at me*
Me: Don’t assault me!
What do you call a strong pumpkin?
A Jacked-o-Lantern.
Q: Why are orange and banana phones so popular these days?
A: They have appeal.
During the battle between the two onion kings, one of them was on the back foot as it was leek-ing blood.
What did Einstein say when someone tried to steal his beer?
Nein! Mine Stein!
What did one nut say to the other?
“Cashew later.”
The strawberry went out with the grape only because he couldn't find a date.
Why did the elephant cross the road?
To get to the peanut.
How do you catch an elephant?
Act like a peanut.
What should you do if you see a blue banana?
Try and cheer it up.
Why did the worker get fired from the orange juice factory?
“Lack of concentration.”
How far can a mango,
If he's got a license but doesn't avocado ?
What do you call seasoned and dried robot meat?
Beep chirpy
What does a cherry say when it delivers bad news? Don't fruit the messenger.The Peach President lost the presidential race because he got im-peached.
I burnt my Hawaiian pizza.
I should have used aloha temperature.
Why do donuts make terrible teachers?
They’re always glazing over the important stuff.
You know what they say about ice cream parents?
They play flavorites.
"Stop and smell the rosé."
Some very good advice strawberries give to their children is to respect their elder-berries.
Have you heard of the new squirrel diet?
“It’s just nuts.”
What type of keys does the gingerbread man unlock his door with? cook-keys!
What would a potato say to a peach? – “You have a nice pit!”
Donut even think about taking another donut!
Why didn’t the peach do well on its ACT? Because when it comes to education, it only gets a little STEM.
Why did the blonde throw her favorite doll on the grill? She thought it was a Barbie-Q.
How can you tell that a blondes been baking chocolate chip cookies? Theres M&M shells all over the floor.
What do you call a stolen yam? A hot potato.
What did the judge say at the finale of the meat throwing competition? The steaks have never been higher!
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