What do you do with epileptic lettuce? You make a seizure salad!
What do you call a cow that has 2 legs? Side of beef
What do you call an onion that is very sick and has a high temperature? It is a boiling onion.
Why should you live a pineapple life? Because Life is sweet.
The forecast said that we’re in for a hot summer; better make sure I watermelon everyday or else the yard will dry up.
Do you know what the favourite soup of a ghost is? It is the Scream of Broccoli.
Worried about overcooking your onion?
Don't sweat it.
The scientist was meticulous about his strawberry pies. He rounded up the protein content of his pie at 3.14.
An onion just told me a joke.
I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Dad fertilized the garden with corn starch.
The plot thickens.
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What do you call mountain climbing corn?
Mountain-ears.
You’re the tater to my tot. I miss you a lot!
Two peanuts were walking down the road but only one was attacked. They suspect the reason was the other was unsalted.
A sad peach can be really pit-iful, sometimes.
Why is the strawberry loved dearly by everyone? Because it is berry sweet.
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you glad to see me?
What's yellow and writes? A ball-point banana.
What did the cheese say when it looked in the mirror ? Halloumi (Hello me)
Why did the dairy farmer go on a diet? She wanted to cheddar a few pounds!
Why was the chef surprised that anyone like her bread?
She thought it was crumby.
What happens when you try to eat 5 candy bars at once? You're gonna choke alot.
Why did the boy leave his chestnuts in the rain?
He wanted them rusted.
In North Korea, you can not throw fruits in the snow as they don't have the right to freeze peach
The soup was busy and preoccupied. He was stewing over something his friend said.
There’s a suspicious email going around, with the subject line “Canned meat.” Don’t open it, it’s spam!
What do you call an onion that keeps on jumping up and down? You call it a spring onion!
“How was your day? ” “It was tater-ible”
Q: Why did the fruit go to the salon?
A: To peach her hair blonde.
After his meal, the cannibal wipes his mouth and says: “My wife cooks the greatest soup in the world. But I will miss her so much.”
"Thanks a brunch for the meal!", said the punny man when he sat to eat.
What do you call two banana skins?
A pair of slippers.
What do you call a dinosaur that drinks curry? A Mega-sore-arse.
Why did the orange’s musical number receive a bad review?
Because it wasn’t an “orange-inal.”
Why does the jellybean go to school? Because he wants to become a smartie.
The orange was really sad at the event because it had no peelings whatsoever for the desperate prune.
What drink do you need to steal? Virgin-tea. Why do hipsters only drink iced tea? Because ice was water before it was cool.
The national news did a story on my friend's bumper crop of green citrus fruits.
He loves being in the limelight.
Q: Where do fruits manufacture their money?
A: Peach Mint.
What do you call a baby potato? Small fry.
What did the cherry say to the cherry pie? I really crust you.
"Time to wine down."
What is a popular name for girl peanuts?
Michelle.
A mathematician walks into a bar and says, “One beer for me, and 10 beers each for all my friends!”
Bartender: "Now that’s an order of magnitude!"
Me: "Alexa check my bank balance and tell me which apple product can I buy?"
Alexa- "Apple juice."
What were the cheese’s wedding vows?
To havarti and to hold.
What is the recipe for Honeymoon Salad? Lettuce alone without dressing.
Who is the most powerful potato? Darth Tater.
How do you keep bacon from curling in the pan?
You take away their little brooms
I like my wine sweet and my humor dry.
I had fresh coconut the last time I went to Hawaii. It’s a tough nut to crack.
What do you call a communist onion? You call it a red onion.
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