Oranges rarely pass driving tests, this is because they keep on peeling out.
What kind of birthday cake do they serve in heaven?
Angel food cake.
Why do ice cream cones make such bad athletes?
They always get licked.
Why do gherkins giggle when you touch them?
They're pickle-ish.
A strawberry usually needs batteries when it runs out of juice.
I didn’t have a map of the corn maze, so I had to play it by ear.
Have you heard the new song from the band that entirely consists of vegetables?
It’s a master peas.
When you come across oranges wearing suntan lotion, don’t judge them harshly. They do so in order not to peel.
Which sports team do wine lovers always root for?
The Reds!
What covers the floor of the motzarella forest?
Cheese sticks.
My wife misplace the sugar with the salt in her sugar cookies.
It was sodium disgusting.
What would a peach say to its girlfriend or boyfriend? – “You will always have a peach of my heart, baby!”
What do you call a cup of leaf juice that doesn’t want to be a dad?
Absent-tea parent.
What kind of potatoes are in the best shape? Hash browns; they’re totally shredded!
What did one bread lover say to the other?
Before I break down and rye, I want you to know that I loaf you.
How can you make a computer system cry? Delete his cookies.
What’s the most supportive beer?
Root beer.
What did the mama nut say to her son?
“If I ever cashew doing that, I walnut be happy.”
Why did the butcher work overtime at the grocery store? To make ends meat!
How do you kill a salad? You go for the carrot-id artery.
"Love the wine you're with."
Why does it take a while before a peach leaves a fruit basket? They have to give a goodbye peach first.
I really like corn, but I can't find it because this time of year it's never in stalk
I keep thinking I'll make breakfast pancakes, but I end up waffling.
I once saw a guy burn to death after nutting
“He cumbusted”
Patient: Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake." Doctor: Next time, take off the candles.
The orange said to the melon, “You are one in a melon.” The melon replied, “You are so appealing.”
I went to see a beet poet the other day. There were lots of hip peas there.
My friend mashed up some cherries on halloween and said they were blood. I was cherry-fied!
What did the cheese say to the other cheese? I smell something swiss-picious!
Did you hear about the pick-up artist who only ever wears green leaves on his head? Yeah, he’s definitely a pineapple smoothie.
Why did you find a stoned able Sherlock Holmes applying ketchup to your front yard ??
Because he's a high-functioning sauce-your-path.
If a crocodile makes shoes, what can you make out of a banana?
Slippers!
I saw an egg behaving oddly today.
It was probably just a bit egg-centric.
If you speak Hebrew and life gives you lemons...
You're an acidic Jew.
I tried to give the guy who came to clean our septic tank out a beer. He said, “I’m not the type of guy who drinks on the job.”
I said, “Yeah, you wouldn’t want you’re boss to catch you sh*t faced.”
Why was the ketchup feeling bad?
Because it had the squirts.
When I got mugged on my way back from the greengrocers, I was peach-less!
How does Moses make coffee?
Hebrews it.
Why did the donut go to a therapist?
He felt empty inside.
Why did I start making a cherry pie? Bake-cause I love it.
What was the donut’s least favorite part of its day?
I’m not really sure; it glazed over that part.
Why was the orange skeptical of everyone around him?
He was planted with a seed of doubt.
Why are they called tacos?
They don’t say much.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you going to open the door.
My wife won't let me become a bean farmer. Why won't she just let me work in peas!
Q: Why did the fruit stop for some time while driving?
A: It wanted to make a quick pit-stop
Why didn’t the pineapple fit in with the other fruit? Because it’s rough around the edges.
What kind of donuts can fly?
The plain ones.
What do you call a dog with a fever? A hot dog.
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