It is really rare to find the most perfectly cooked steak.
I dressed up as bacon for halloween.
To say the least, i was looking pretty CRISP.
Who's a pickle's favorite artist?
Salvador Dilli.
What kind of donuts fly? Plain ones!
Who answers the door at the nut house?
The peanut buttler.
What has 100 teeth and eats wieners? A zipper!
Have you seen that film about the onion that turns into a spider?
It's called Shallot's Web
One day, a young weasel went to the bar. The bartender took one look at him and says, “You are under-aged. I can’t serve you beer.” The weasel asks, “What can I have?”
The bartender replies, “I have bottled water, juice, energy drinks, and pop.”
“Pop!” goes the weasel.
What happens to Germans when they eat too many lemons?
They become sour krauts.
What do you call seasoned and dried robot meat?
Beep chirpy
Did you know that milk is a very religious beverage? Most of them are pastor-ized.
What do you call super expensive shoes?
Cashews.
Why’d the lettuce blush?
It saw the salad dressing.
You better watch out before you play a game with any bread? Baguette ready to lose.
Why isn’t the tomato a vegetable?
It couldn’t catch up.
What do you do if you see a blue banana? Try to cheer it up.
What did the cow say to his friend when they met twice in the same day? “What a cow-incidence!”
Why doesn't cheddar like to party with crackers? Someone always cuts the cheese.
Who did the Caribbean jerk fall in love with? The Spice Girl next door.
What do you call yogurt that is terrified of other dairy products? A cow-ard!
When is a birthday cake like a golf ball?
When it’s been sliced.
If Jim has 15 watermelons and throws one at Mary, what does Mary have?
“A really bad headache!”
Know what kind of cookies rich people love? Fortune cookies.
The nut said it was very pine-ful when its’ shell cracked.
What's the difference between a pickle and a psychiatrist?
If you don't know, you ought to stop talking to your pickle!
What do you get when you put Cola in an oven?
Baking soda.
What is the chemical formula of the molecules in sweets? Carbon-holmium-cobalt-lanthanum-tellurium or CHoCoLaTe
Dad, do you like baked apples? Yes son, why? The orchard's on fire.
Why does every watermelon want to be in the Guinness book of records? Because there’s a lot of watermelon smashing to be done.
What is the correct answer to Hummus?
A cow.
She'll take whatever beans necessary to get her daily cup of coffee. Whatever. Beans. Necessary.
Did you hear about the salad race the other day?
The Lettuce was ahead, but the Tomato was ketchoping up...
What did the judge say at the finale of the meat throwing competition? The steaks have never been higher!
Onions are unable to store water inside them because there is always a leek.
What do you call a potato that has turned to the dark side? Vader tots!
I’m a wrapper, so I get a lot of dough. A bread wrapper, that is.
"I just want some peach and quiet!," said the orange.
Why are tomatoes the slowest vegetable?
Because they can’t ketchup.
What does a cow say to milk? I am your mother.
What do you call an edible ion?
An onion
I spent last Christmas with a bunch of soft fruit. I kept getting confused with the toast – they were saying “Eat, drink and be cherry!”
Why did the egg go to school?
To get egg-ucated.
What did one nut say to the other?
“Cashew later.”
I don’t know who became more famous, Sir Francis Bacon or his son
Chris P. Bacon
During World War 2, sending food to the troops was a challenge. Researchers had to concentrate to figure out how to send orange juice.
Cows love music. In fact, they even have a favourite note: beef flat.
How does a potato win at Street Fighter? By mashing the kick button.
My girlfriend spilt hummus all over her...
Can't believe that chick pea'd herself.
Why did the squirrel go to kola-nary school? Because it had pines to be a chef.
Did you hear what happened to the girl who twisted her ankle in the cow’s pen? She was milking her injury!
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