What do you call a fruit that is rough around the edges? A bad apple.
Why was the potato put in an asylum? It was starch raving mad.
What’s the only fruit that never gets lonely?
A pear.
I took the recent snow warnings with a pinch of salt.
Are you a big fan of beef? I am. In fact, I could eat it until the cows come home.
What did the burger meat say to the BBQ? “Is it meat you’re looking for?”
Why did the vegetable thief wet his pants?
Because he took a leek!
What do you call someone who chokes on their tea?
A cough-y drinker.
What is an elf’s favorite kind of birthday cake?
Shortcake!
Do not eat that alphabet soup, or you will have a vowel movement.
ALDI grocery stores have announced their new store brand peanuts.
ALDI’s nuts.
Why did the hen lay her egg on the axe?
She wanted to hatchet.
What drink brings you down to earth? Gravi-Tea.
How do you make soup rich? Add 24 carrots.
The young loaf of bread ended up getting fired from his job because he kept loafing around. Poor guy.
How do two cherries make up after an argument? They cherry the hatchet.
When should you take a cookie to the doctor? When it feels crummy. What do the cookie and the computer have in common? They both have chips.
What do you call an everyday potato? A commentater!
I like my wine sweet and my humor dry.
You really ate dog meat? How was it?
.... ruff
What do potatoes become when they smoke weed?
Baked potatoes.
Why do you always bring a bag of chips to a party? In queso emergency.
Why do bananas have to wear sunscreen?
Because they peel.
I slept with a lemon once. Now I have lemonaids.
Why was the salad late to the dinner party?
He was waiting for his wife to get dressing.
If an apple a day keeps the doctor away, what does an onion do? Keeps everyone away.
Which actor is now being quarantined for Swine Flu? Kevin Bacon
Sometimes, all you need is to shake a few trees to find the perfect peach for you.
My brother gave me whole milk, but I can only have nut milk with my cereal. How dairy!
Why didn't the drunk Mexican druglord find the Bacon Tree? Because he walked into a Ham Bush!
What do you call a self-obsessed egg?
An eggomaniac.
Have you wondered what made the strawberry such a smoothie? It is the yoghurt of course.
What do you calla watermelon that just won’t stop committing crimes? A watefelon.
What did the orange say to the lemon?
"'yello!"
When the unripe strawberry saw the ripe one, it was green with envy.
What do you call Chewbacca when he has chocolate stuck in his hair? Chocolate Chip Wookiee.
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party? You can have your cake and eat it too.
I'm not saying you're old, but if you were milk I'd sniff you first.
The pineapple is pining for the summer.
Did you hear about the frozen dessert whose wife had a baby?
Now he’s a popsicle.
The young woman decided to become a professional baker. She realized that it could help her earn her bread and butter.
My father loves eating reams of soup. That is the reason why I think he should be nominated to the Soup – ream – court!
What do you call 2000 pounds of Chinese soup? Won Ton.
What happened to the cheery that showed up for the tomato auditions? He was called an imposter.
What is a potato’s favorite baseball team? The New York Yamkees
Where do you store peach juice? Inside of a peach-er.
Q: Why did no one like peach’s personality?
A: Because it had a heart of stone.
What is the only way one does not have to cry while cutting onions? They simply don't have to form emotional bonds with it.
Q: What made the green pea turn red?
A: It saw the salad dressing.
Did you know that bread that you make into buns is always relaxed? Yes, they just like to roll with it.
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