What do the peanuts and walnuts have in common? They are both nuts.
How do you make Pig Jerky?
Give them some coffee.
What crime is an egg most afraid of?
Poaching.
A young slice of bread came up to his crush. He told her that he was really falling in loaf with her.
To catch a polar bear you surround a hole in the ice with peas
Then, when he goes to take a pea you kick him in the ice hole.
Why was the peach so sad at the funeral? It left a deep pit in its heart.
A cabbage said to a DJ “lettuce turnip the beet!”
Berries are the most fashionista of the fruits, they can really cherry off the wildest outfits.
What’s the only type of melon that changes colours at will? Well, a chamelon.
Why did the cherry go to the good drinks factory? It was cordially invited.
I'm going to start a hummus brand that comes in really difficult to open containers.
It's gonna be called 'hummus posta eat this'.
What drives cheese crazy?
That everyone around them is crackers.
What do you get when your dog jumps into the fire pit? A hot dog.
Milk is the fastest drink on the planet. It's pasteurized before you even see it.
Cherry pie can be a bit aggressive. Rumor has it they go around saying, “Hey! You want a piece of me?”
John, you have so much po(tato)tential!
What is soap's favorite brand of beer?
Sud-light
The chickpea wrote a book, but he didn't release it until after his death. He wanted to do it post-hummusly.
What kind of socks do you need to plant cayenne pepper? Garden hose!
What do chemists make guacamole out of?
Avogadros.
Why don’t these children eat their soup? Because all of them is stew-pid.
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Banana. Banana who? Knock knock Who’s there? Banana. Banana who? Knock knock Who’s there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you glad I didn’t say banana?
An Native American drank 100 cups of tea.
Next day they found him dead in his tea pee.
What do you call a cow who’s just given birth?
De-calf-inated!
What did the judge say at the finale of the meat throwing competition? The steaks have never been higher!
What is the best way to cook alligator meat? With a croc pot!
What a spud muffin.
What do you call it when a cheese goes #2?
Fondue-due.
The fruit bat ate the orange because of its appeal. It had such a nice color.
The hipster burnt his tongue. He sipped his coffee before it was cool.
What is the healthiest fruit?
“An orange. It takes Vitamin See!”
What did the peanut say right before taking an exam? “I walnut fail!”
Did you know dried fruits favorite news segments is...
Current events.
Did you hear about the butcher that backed into the meat grinder?
He got a little behind in his work.
Did you hear about the elusive skating watermelon thief? Not really, the only description they got was a Caucasian melon wheels.
Q: What’s a donut’s favorite drink?
A: Hole-y water!
Why do onions have poor self-image?
Because people cry when they get onions naked.
Time to celery-brate.
Where do you store peach juice? Inside of a peach-er.
What would you call two banana skins? A pair of slippers!
What kind of cheese to beavers eat?
Edam.
What happened when the orange broke out of prison?
All heck broke juice.
Gluten-free, dairy-free, fat-free – I love this new Champagne Diet!
National Herbs and Spices Day is celebrated annually on June 10.
Why does Mr. Potato Head have a mobile?
In case Mr. Onion rings.
Did you hear about the man who used to be addicted to eating raw meat? Don't worry, he's cured now!
What do you call a field full of epileptic lettuce ?
Seizure Salad
The healthy soup recipe was suggested to us by the nutritionist. It soup-erseded the old unhealthy creamy soup we used to have for dinner.
If a crocodile makes shoes, what does a banana make ? Slippers
I miss you! I’ll see you tater!
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