What’s the best pick up line for someone you meet in a steak restaurant? “Nice to meat you”, of course.”
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef.
One day a apple saw a banana without its peel. The apple asked banana, where is your peel? He replied, people are always taking off my clothes.
My friends say that I cannot cook alphabet soup for this dinner. And now they are eating their words.
What is Tom Hanks' favourite soft cheese? Philadelphia.
Q: What’s a nectarine?
A: A peach with balding problems.
What's a vampire's most favorite fruit? It must be a neck-tarine peach.
I just hear that the woman who lives next door and loves fruit died. I hope she would rest in peach.
Why do ice cream cones always carry an umbrella?
There’s a chance of sprinkles.
Why do farmers make terrible comedians?
Their jokes are corny!
You know I always wanted to open my own sandwich shop. I would have all the meat and bread money could buy...
Problem was I was afraid something would go a rye
Did you hear about the little people starting a beer making operation?
It's a micro brewery.
Q: Why can’t oranges be pirates?
A: They don’t get scurvy.
What kind of potatoes are in the best shape? Hash browns; they’re totally shredded!
What do you call 2000 pounds of Chinese soup? Won Ton.
What do we get when we mix an iPhone and a Christmas tree? A pine – apple!
I have an addiction to cheddar cheese.
But it's only mild.
What am I? A tea bag you dirty minded human...
How do you get a mouse to smile?
Say cheese.
What kind of ice cream does Dracula eat?
Veinilla.
We had made everything for the party and the groom came in, did a quick assessment and didn’t seem amused. “Orange you glad we did this?” we asked him.
What does an onion say when you are upset because of it one day? It says, "I am sorry that I made you cry!"
To catch a polar bear you surround a hole in the ice with peas
Then, when he goes to take a pea you kick him in the ice hole.
A cup of coffee is the ideal start to a brew-tiful morning!
What do you call a sloppy Joe made with taco seasoned beef?
Sloppy José
Oh no! My wine glass is empty. Somebody call Wine-One-One!
What do oranges have after a hard work out? Juice!
Why did the farmer buy a brown cow?
He wanted chocolate milk.
What do you call one green onion that doesn't listen to anyone and is very naughty? It is called a rapscallion!
Why was the girl staring at the carton of orange juice?
“It said concentrate.”
What do we get when we cross a Christmas tree with an apple? We will have a pine – apple!
How are a car and a bicycle similar?
“You can’t make watermelon juice out of either of them.”
Why did the corn stalks hold a ceremony in honor of the scarecrow?
To corn-gratulate him for being out standing in their field!
What can a whole apple do that half an apple can't do? It can look round.
What is the chemical formula of the molecules in sweets? Carbon-holmium-cobalt-lanthanum-tellurium or CHoCoLaTe
What do you say when a fruit wins the talent show? How about them apples?
An artist painted a wonderful fruit painting. It was a beautiful peach of work.
Have you heard about the chocolate box thief? He’s always got a few Twix up his sleeve.
I asked the Korean grocer for something to spice up my meals, but I think I got a raw dill.
What did one avocado half say to the other?
Without you, I’m empty inside!
"Personally, I like people who peach on time, and are always punctual," said the strawberry.
You don't know jack-o-lantern
My town always holds a contest to see which beer drinker's belly is biggest by seeing how far it goes past a line...
That's the paunch-line.
Make no bones about it, home made stock is a really good base for soups.
A cued peach visual communication system is used with people suffering from peach and hearing impairment.
What do teachers drink at school? Facul-Tea.
How does a restaurant get the freshest ingredients? They cut a dill.
What do you see at a funeral for a piece of fruit? Apple-bearer.
In a world that is full of apples, it is much better to be a pineapple.
There are actually two types of apple: pine – apple and bad – apple.
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