Mom: Why did you shave the peaches!
Dad: The recipe asked for nectarines.
To catch a polar bear you surround a hole in the ice with peas
Then, when he goes to take a pea you kick him in the ice hole.
Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock? Because it was marble cake!
Why was the meat packer arrested? For bringing home the bacon.
What do you sing to cows on their birthdays?
Happy birthday to moo…
I sent back the soup served to me at the restaurant. It was not of soup-reme quality.
How do monkeys get down the stairs?
They slide down the banana-ster.
Did you know that humans started out as peas? That's why we're called homosa-pea-ns.
What is Tom Hanks' favourite soft cheese? Philadelphia.
Did you know that Beethoven's favorite fruit
Ba Na Na Naaa...Ba Na Na Naaa...
What do you call a dog who only eats garlic and onions?
A dog with a bark worse than its bite.
What type of person doesn’t like pizza?
A weir-dough.
What did the ice-cream say to the unhappy birthday cake?
“What’s eating you?”
What fruit loves chocolate?
A cocoa nut.
Why is it harder for Orange Juice to slide across a floor than apple juice?
Pulp Friction.
I’ve got a great idea for an automatic orange peeling machine I hope it bares fruit.
What did the cornfield say when it heard rain coming?
That’s music to my ears!
I’m bacon you! Please stop with the meat puns!
“How was your day? ” “It was a total disas-tater”
What’s the best thing you can put in a halloween cookie? Your teeth.
The other day I asked an Alaskan guy if he wanted to eat some seal meat.
He wasn’t really inuit
I replaced the milk in the milk carton with lemon juice.
People were really sour about it.
Once I got peas stuck in my ear. I had to make people re-pea-t themselves.
I had this disturbingly long dream that I was making a salad.
I was tossing all night.
What do you get when you put the number 3.14 in the middle of the onions? You get o-pi-nions!
What did the artichoke say to the man eating a salad? Have a heart.
I was making a salad the other day, and I thought I heard a small red vegetable that was a bit like an onion whispering. Must have been a hoarse radish.
What do you call a bee that makes a milk?
Boo-bee
I just caught a walking pear tree...
In my Pear Ent trap.
Why was Officer Peanut Butter out in the road? Because he was directing a traffic jam.
An Native American drank 100 cups of tea.
Next day they found him dead in his tea pee.
Where does a potato go to college? DeFry
Having chicken broth before the game was a sure shot way to maintain energy for the Soup-er Bowl.
What group of cheese has been known to fly? Curds of prey!
What do you call a piece of cheese that likes to shoot hoops? Swiss!
What do you call an edible ion?
An onion
What did the salt say after it was pepper-sprayed?
That's nothing to sneeze at.
What is the name of the dancing chocolate bar?
Nestle Crunk bar.
What do you get if you cross a lemon with a dinosaur
Tyrannosourest Rex.
Mandy: Our teacher went on a special banana diet. Andy: Did she lose weight? Mandy: No, but she sure could climb trees well!
Why was the burger sad after losing the race? Because the hotdog was the weiner.
What did four of the last five presidents drink? Left-Tea.
Apples and oranges had a conversation one day. Guess what the apples were saying the oranges, nothing stupid, apples don’t talk.
What do you get when it rains potatoes? Spuddles.
What do you call a very feminine cow that likes to be in charge? The Dairy Queen.
What did the ice-cream say to the unhappy birthday cake? "What's eating you?"
How does cabernet like to travel abroad?
On a cruise sip.
Why did the students eat their homework? Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.
Some very good advice strawberries give to their children is to respect their elder-berries.
What did the expired milk say after being picked up way past its due date? It was well beyond their wildest creams.
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