In the middle of the night yesterday, I dreamt that I was swimming in a sea of oranges only to wake up and realize that it was just a Fanta-sea.
"Partners in wine."
What do you call a potato that’s reluctant to jump into boiling water? A hesi-tater.
Made the mistake of offering my realtor some lipton iced tea
I forgot that he only drinks realty.
I had a traumatic experience with peas. I even had to go to thera-pea.
What is the hippest kind of fruit? A bae-nae-nae.
What type of nut do you find in the toilet?
A pee-nut.
What is the favorite punk band of onions? It is a band known as "Good Shallot"!
Why did the baker keep putting too much flour in the bread? Because he was a gluten for punishment.
What did the pizza say when it asked the topping out on a date?
I never sausage a beautiful face.
Corn mazes should be renamed Maize mazes.
Challah if you see me in the streets. Will do.
Tennis matches and strawberry jam have one thing in common. Cons-serve.
What do you call a cherry that is hard as nails? Tough as old fruits.
What do you call two banana skins?
A pair of slippers.
Q: Why did the fruit go to the salon?
A: To peach her hair blonde.
What did the farmer say when someone complimented him on his corn harvest?
Aww, shucks!
I met a chicken once; she was desperate to join a band. She even had her own drumsticks.
Back in the early 2010s, the peach children loved to flock around to listen to Peach Pit.
Like a pro wrestler in a headlock, I’m indulging in a little Sham pain.
How did the corn farmer get to be so successful?
He corn-ered the market!
Things don’t always pine out the way we want them to, but we can-nut give up!
There was an announcement on the news the other day, we've finally achieved world peas.
Q: Why can’t oranges be pirates?
A: They don’t get scurvy.
When you come across oranges wearing suntan lotion, don’t judge them harshly. They do so in order not to peel.
Are avocados good for your heart?
Yes, they make for great avo-cardio.
What is a potato’s favorite baseball team? The New York Yamkees
Why should you bake bacon on an asteroid on its way to Earth ?
It's meteor.
Hap-pea-ness is when you and your friend are like two peas in a pod.
What do pigs drive? Pigup trucks.
I rarely put orange slices in my beer.
Once in a Blue Moon.
Which hand should we use to stir the soup? It is better to stir the soup with a spoon!
An angry fruit yells at traffic in front of them
“Mango!”
Did you hear about the frozen dessert whose wife had a baby?
Now he’s a popsicle.
Hello my name is lettuce, and I was going to the grocery store...
Ah, I’m getting ahead of myself
What do you call a talkative drink? Chai Tea.
The pecan is ready to come out of its’ shell and see the world.
How did the roommate who stole the last avocado from the fruit bowl justify her thievery?
“I know it’s wrong, but it feels so ripe!”
How does the serial killer like his coffee?
How he likes his women—all ground up.
A cow usually prefers to eat moo-sli for breakfast.
What did the cow say to his friend when they met twice in the same day? “What a cow-incidence!”
What's a redneck's favorite beer?
An open one.
Why did the FBI surround the president with cows? They were beefing up security!”
I sent back the soup served to me at the restaurant. It was not of soup-reme quality.
If you’re looking for potato puns, you can count on me to chip in.
What is a lions favourite cheese? Roar-quefort
Why did the hare go to the taco truck?
He couldn't beat the tortas.
I had no clue how much lettuce to buy, so I called my wife from the grocery store.
Turns out two heads are better than one.
Dad: How does a farmer keep his cows in line?
Kids: How?
Dad: He keeps them a-cow-ntable!
What’s the only fruit that never gets lonely?
A pear.
Go to BabaMail
