The bowl of soup you bought yesterday from the Chinese restaurant was souper terrible.
Why do farmers make terrible comedians?
Their jokes are corny!
Interesting fact: A nectarine can also be a peach if it does not have peach fuzz.
When you find a blue strawberry, try to cheer it up.
How did Henry VIII like his coffee? Decap.
A berry from which you can directly drink out of is a straw-berry.
What did the peanut say right before taking an exam? “I walnut fail!”
What did the tortilla chip say to the guacamole?
“You are all I avo wanted.”
"Stop and smell the rosé."
When is a birthday cake like a golf ball? When it's been sliced.
The scientist was meticulous about his strawberry pies. He rounded up the protein content of his pie at 3.14.
How did Burger King get Dairy Queen Pregnant? He forgot to wrap his whopper!
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you going to let me in?.
Why are oranges the smartest fruit?
Because they are made to concentrate.
What did the pizza say to the delivery guy?
“You don’t pepper-own me.”
…and what did the delivery guy say in reply?
“Hey now, don’t get saucy.”
Q: How do you call a magic berry?
A: Cherry Potter.
She got fired from the hot dog stand for putting her hair in a bun.
What does a man consider a seven-course meal? A hot dog and a six pack of beer.
Why can't the bankrupt cowboy complain? He's got no beef.
What's slimy cold long and smells like pork? Kermit the frogs finger!
What pickup line can you use to pick up a cheese lover?
“Are you cheddar? ‘Cause you’re lookin’ sharp!”
What did the hamburger coach tell his team after they lost the first round? “You have to keep frying, you can’t give up”.
How can you tell a wine taster is a newbie?
By the blanc look on her face.
I was making a salad the other day, and I thought I heard a small red vegetable that was a bit like an onion whispering. Must have been a hoarse radish.
I used to hate peas. I like them now, I just make sure I think of them as 'o's.'
In the 1970s, hippies loved going to a Grateful Dead concert and getting toasted. That’s certainly the truth.
Did you hear about the man who quit his job at a bakery? They said that it left him loathe of bread.
Why did the lemon like the orange? He’s not from concentrate.
Everything in this world is either a potato or not a potato
What is the cherry fruit's favorite American talkshow? The Cherry Springer Show of course!
Which book will be preferred by a man who sells milk? Cream and Punishment.
What is a cheese lover’s favorite rap artist?
Feta wap.
If a crocodile makes shoes, what can you make out of a banana?
Slippers!
When shouldn't you believe a word your cheese is saying? When it's too Gouda to be true.
What do you call an edible ion?
An onion
Why do golfers love donuts?
Always a hole-in-one!
Some very good advice strawberries give to their children is to respect their elder-berries.
Why did you find a stoned able Sherlock Holmes applying ketchup to your front yard ??
Because he's a high-functioning sauce-your-path.
My friends and I are in search of some fresh vegetables puns.
Please lettuce know if you find any.
What do you call a nut who loves the game of chess?
A chess-nut.
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky!
A narwhal is just a tuna-corn.
Why does it take a while before a peach leaves a fruit basket? They have to give a goodbye peach first.
What kind of cookies do poor people want during Halloween? Fortune cookies.
Vine Thought of the Day: Choosy moms choose wine!
My mother is so fastidious that she eats her alphabet soup in the alphabetical order.
What do you call a musical lime?
John Lemon.
If Megan Fox is a cake, then what is Amanda Bynes? A fruitcake.
The unripe strawberry wasn't added to the starting lineup of the game because he was too green.
What do you call a walnut in a narwal costume? A nar-walnut.
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