I recently read a book by an onion which had opened up on its life. Midway through the book, I started crying.
Why was the meat packer arrested? For bringing home the bacon.
Which fruity singer was a judge on 'The X Factor'? Cherry Cole.
Americans were preparing peach gelatos, to demonstrate it's right to freeze peach!
Why did the banana go out with a lemon?
Because it couldn't find a date!
What do you call a Vegetarian with diarrhea? A Salad Shooter.
Nobody would ask the strawberry to go to the prom because it was past her sale by date.
What did the cake say to the fork? you want a piece of me?
Some people have to stop telling meat puns, because they simply butcher every single joke.
What does a cow say to milk? I am your mother.
What kind of cheese do rodents like? Mousearella.
Why are candles lit on top of birthday cakes?
It’s impossible to light them on the bottom
This foundation is rock salad.
What did Bacon say to Tomato? Lettuce get together!
Why couldn’t the orange dance in the talent show without his partner?
Because it takes two to “tang-o.”
How did the baker cut four loaves of bread at the same time? By buying a four-loaf-cleaver.
The bread actor was sad because he lost a juicy roll.
When shouldn't you believe a word your cheese is saying? When it's too Gouda to be true.
What is a Malaysian chocolate factory called?
Oompa Lumpur
What is the easiest way to make a banana split? Cut it in half.
Patient: Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake." Doctor: Next time, take off the candles.
What vegetable isnt allowed on cruise ships?
Leeks.
I got some salt in my eye
Now it’s sea salt.
Milk aliens have landed. They said 'take me to your litre'.
What song was the peach listening to? 'Stronger with Peach Tear'.
Why don’t most people enjoy jokes about taco shells?
They’re too corny
How do monkeys get down the stairs? They slide down the banana-ster!
They fired the loaf of bread from her job. They say that she kept breaking down and would rye on the job.
Did you hear about the man who stole thousands of dollars worth of rare tea?
He went to prison for Oolong time.
What did the nut husband tell his wife? “Nut-ing lasts forever, except my love for you!”
When can a pizza marry a hot dog? After a very frank relationship.
What is a cheese lover’s favorite type of music?
R n’ Brie.
Did you hear about the CEO that got fired at the dairy farm? He was skimming a little bit off the top.
Why does everyone want ice cream to be on their team?
Because with them, anything is popsicle.
I’m bacon you! Please stop with the meat puns!
My dog is sad after eating her favorite fruit and getting wet from the juice.
She's a watered melancholy watermelon collie.
What do you call a fat pumpkin?
A plumpkin!
The squirrel’s chest got dirty with nuts, now it has a chest-nut.
Why do baby seals swim in salt water? Cause pepper water makes them sneeze.
How do you kill a salad? You go for the carrot-id artery.
What did the vegetable say at the party?
Lettuce turnip the beet!
What did the insulted orange say to the kiwi? Ex-squeeze-me?
Last night I dreamt I was swimming in a sea of oranges. I guess it was just a Fanta-sea!
What do you call a bacon wrapped dinosaur? Jurrasic Pork.
When you mix a salt and water, you get a solution. When you mix a salt and battery, what do you get?
Arrested.
What do you call a lamb covered in chocolate? A Candy Baa. Did you hear about the love affair between Mr. Goodbar and Peppermint Patty? They had a baby, Ruth.
Did you know you can make a really good music player out of a cherry cake? It’s called a gateau blaster.
If you get an email about pork salt and fat, don't open it.
It's Spam.
What does an anteater like on its pizza?
Ant-chovies.
If anyone gets a suspicious email from me about canned meat, don’t open it. It’s spam!
Go to BabaMail
