I was throwing oranges at tropical birds. One of them caught one then said: “Toucan play that game”
I tried to make my own condiments but, the recipes change so fast, it's hard to ketchup.
There’s this corn on the cob stand that I really like, but it started making ads
They were really corny.
What do you call someone who chokes on their tea?
A cough-y drinker.
How can we tell the difference between a can of beef soup and a can of pork soup? Just read the labels.
Why did the Jack-O-Lantern go to the pumpkin patch?
Because he had holes in him.
Why did the giant use clouds to make pancakes?
To make them light and fluffy.
What happened when the orange broke out of prison?
All heck broke juice.
Why are you eating a banana with the skin on? Oh, it's all right. I know what's inside.
I had a goat’s cheese pizza the other day.
He wasn’t happy.
What was the main job of the bread truck? To haul buns.
I miss you! I’ll see you tater!
Why don't bananas snore? Because they don't want to wake up the rest of the bunch.
Why did the pig go into the kitchen? He felt like bacon.
What's a cow's favorite moosical note? Beef-flat
What vegetable is not allowed on ships? Leeks.
Q: What made the green pea turn red?
A: It saw the salad dressing.
I had no clue how much lettuce to buy, so I called my wife from the grocery store.
Turns out two heads are better than one.
I once had a dream that I was swimming in an ocean of carbonated orange juice.
Thankfully it was just a fanta sea.
What's red and has 7 dents in it?
Snow white's cherry!
What nut is broken?
“A silly nut”
A cued peach visual communication system is used with people suffering from peach and hearing impairment.
I like to roll peas from the top of a mountain. I always start at the peak.
How do you celebrate orange drink that doesn't expire?
Woo! Tang is forever!
How many grams of protein are there in that slice of chocolate pie? 3.14159265.
"Are you sure about this?"
"Crust me, I'm on a roll."
What did one cherry say to the other cherry? If you weren't so tasty we wouldn't be in this jam.
How does Moses make coffee?
Hebrews it.
“My favorite color is tangerine- isn’t that orange-inal?”
Why are walnuts the best secret keepers? They walnut say anything to anyone.
Peaches tend to be really mean. After all, they have hearts of stone.
I always knock on the fridge before opening it.
Just in case there's a salad dressing.
When you finish the lemons that life gives you;
Sublime.
What do two cherries say when they get married? I promise to cherry-ish you forever.
If you put a strawberry in the freezer, you can make a strawberry shake!
I’m opening a grocery store that specializes in Swiss cheese and donuts.
I’m calling it Hole Foods.
What’s the opposite of Himalayan salt?
Herastandin pepper.
What do you call a house that likes food? a Condoment!
What did the commedian say after after a bad set?
That crowd was laughtose intolerant.
What's green and sour and swims in an aquarium?
A tro-pickle fish.
Why did the giant use clouds to make pancakes? To make them light and fluffy.
What vegetable isnt allowed on cruise ships?
Leeks.
I spent last Christmas with a bunch of soft fruit. I kept getting confused with the toast – they were saying “Eat, drink and be cherry!”
Q: Why does the cherry have a hard time getting along with others?
A: It has crust issues.
Why shouldn’t you tell a secret on a farm? Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears.
There are actually two types of apple: pine – apple and bad – apple.
I'm not too fond of not finishing my entire bowl of cereal. I think I have irritable bowl syndrome.
How did the vineyard launch the new champagne making business?
They crashed a small boat into it.
What do red berries say during the season they love best? Cherry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
I always wondered why the watermelon loving librarian never touched any of the books; turns out she’d red them all.
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