What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef!
What did the cheese say to the other cheese? I smell something swiss-picious!
Did you see the award-winning movie about a hot dog? It was an Oscar wiener!
What do you do with epileptic lettuce? You make a seizure salad!
Q: Why did the pea sell his car?
A: The back seat didn’t have enough legume.
What is a cheese lover’s favorite rap artist?
Feta wap.
Why is it called Almond Milk?
Because no one would buy it if it was called Nut Juice.
Before I ducked out to the shops, my wife asked me to put ketchup on the shipping list.
Now I can't read it.
What do you call one green onion that doesn't listen to anyone and is very naughty? It is called a rapscallion!
How does a potato win at Street Fighter? By mashing the kick button.
What do you get if you cross an apple with a shellfish? A crab apple !
One strawberry said to the other, “Were it not that you were so sweet, you wouldn’t have ended up in this jam.”
Sir, did you realize the consequences of naming your son Taco Cheese?
"No, but I have grate expectations."
Did you hear that the Lemon and the Orange divorced?
The Lemon was very bitter.
Where do they make all the decisions on a dairy farm? At the city cow-ncil.
Where should you call if you find a bad cheese shop?
The feta business bureau.
Why don't cows have any money? Because farmers milk them dry
Why is it better to smell roses and lemons than a pile of poop?
It’s just plain common scents.
I switched labels in my wife's spice cabinet.
She hasn't noticed, but the thyme is cumin.
I had no clue how much lettuce to buy, so I called my wife from the grocery store.
Turns out two heads are better than one.
Why will the fruits beat the vegetables?
They have a better punch!
Why do sharks swim in salt water?
If they swam in pepper water they would sneeze.
Strawberries love to travel. Their favorite mode of transport is the wind-jam-mer.
Why don't they make ice cream from breast milk? It's an udderly bad idea!
What do you call the onions which are small and yellow and very naughty? You call it a minonion!
Did you hear about the orange boxer?
He got beaten to a pulp.
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party?
You can have your cake and eat it too.
My doctor recommended exercise to slim down as well as some orange juice for vitamins
It’s the weight and C approach I guess.
That wide loaf has a decent bread-th. Nice.
What do donuts wear to weddings? Tuxe-doughs!
Everyone makes fun of him for using old coffee, but he insists it has the greatest sedimental value.
My mum made a chocolate bar out of peas. I asked if she could snap a peas off for me.
I like you a latke!
What's the manliest fruit to eat?
Mango.
Some very good advice strawberries give to their children is to respect their elder-berries.
When the little boy was baking a cake why did it run away? Because it said crack 2 eggs then beat it!
What did you just call me? Just because we’re Dark Chocolate does not give you the right to call us “Snickers”.That’s OUR word.
I know a pea that's a famous singer. He's a VIP.
Where do eggs go on holiday?
New Yolk.
Why did the donut start going to therapy? It couldn’t get over the feeling that something was missing — it never felt hole!
What do you call an onion that carries electromagnetic waves? A photonion.
We had made everything for the party and the groom came in, did a quick assessment and didn’t seem amused. “Orange you glad we did this?” we asked him.
Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I'm OK, but I feel like I've dyed a little inside.
Why did the cherry blossom tree seem scared when it was trying to make a cherry pie? Because it was baking like a leaf.
What do magician avocados say?
Avocadabra!
Why don't the Maple Leafs drink tea? Because the Canadiens and Red Wings have all the cups.
Why was the ketchup feeling bad?
Because it had the squirts.
What is a vampire's favorite fruit?
A blood orange.
When the baby onion was misbehaving, the father onion told it, "You better behave, you cheeky chops!"
Do you know what is the most favourite fruit in the United States? – Mmm peach!
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