What do you call a group of butchers coming together? A meating.
How many atoms are in guacamole?
Avocados number.
Where do you most often find onions having a drink? In the salad bar.
Vampires love cookies too, they love No-stake cookies.
If you bake an oatmeal raisin cookie at a temperature of 666 degrees, what do you call it? Raisin hell!
What’s the perfect gift for someone who is always raisin’ the bar? Oatmeal
raisin.
I can't stand Greek salads.
I like un-feta'd access to my greens.
What was the watermelon’s naughty pick-up line?
“Want to see my melons?”
How does the Skywalker family like their tea?
Lukewarm.
I didn’t know you could vape a chocolate bar until my wife told me to stop inhaling them.
If you leave alphabet soup on the stove and leave, it could spell disaster.
When the baby onion was misbehaving, the father onion told it, "You better behave, you cheeky chops!"
Despite his puns being so orange-inal, nobody really likes them.
Grandma: Do you like Hummus? Me: I love Hummus....and I sometimes like to singus!
I tried telling a joke while drinking my juice for breakfast, but nobody got my punch line.
What did the Cheese salesman say? That cheese may be Gouda, but this one is Feta!
My friend exports the lilikoi fruit...
He says it’s his passion.
What is an astronauts favorite chocolate? A marsbar!
I just watched someone try to steal a pumpkin from a bull.
He got gourd.
Kid: Dad, why don’t you approve of the consumption of dairy products?
Dad: Because I was raised lactose intolerant.
I got canned from a Orange juice factory...
Just couldn't concentrate.
A restaurant server was fired on his first day of work for taking a woman’s salad.
He thought the manager said “seize her salad”.
How did the roommate who stole the last avocado from the fruit bowl justify her thievery?
“I know it’s wrong, but it feels so ripe!”
Wino Woe: Forgive me, for I have zinned!
What did bacon say to tomato? Lettuce get together.
What makes nuts healthy? They have many nut-rients.
I was walking past the store today when I saw a sign saying, "All items one-third off."
So I bought a dozen eggs. Unfortunately four of them were rotten.
What did the lovesick pig sing to his girlfriend? Don't go bacon my heart!
What happens when an onion burps at the most awkward time? It releases tear gas.
What do you call a chicken with a piece of lettuce in its eye? Chicken Caesar Salad
What is the difference between pea soup and roast beef? Everyone would roast beef.
An Native American drank 100 cups of tea.
Next day they found him dead in his tea pee.
What do you call really scared pasta?
Chicken noodles.
What do you give to a sick lemon?
lemonaid.
What does a pirate pay for his corn?
A buccaneer!
What did the cherry say when it won its third Olympic gold medal? That's just the cherry on top of a successful career.
What fruit loves chocolate?
A cocoa nut.
Why did Bill's friend get covered in beer?
Because William Shakes Beer.
What kind of candy never arrives on time? Chocolate
One of the most courageous souls in the world is anybody who looks at a pineapple and thinks that “I bet I would eat it.”
"Oh, sweet child of wine."
What happened to the men who lost their lettuce?
I don't know, but apparently they lost their heads.
Why did the orange lose his job at the factory? He didn’t concentrate.
What do you get if you cross a pumpkin with a bigfoot?
A Sasquash.
Why is it called Almond Milk?
Because no one would buy it if it was called Nut Juice.
Q: What do you call a scary berry?
A: A boo-berry.
Do you know how to get a raise at the bread factory? Try buttering up to the boss.
If Megan Fox is a cake, then what is Amanda Bynes? A fruitcake.
In my friend's house, I saw an onion ring. So, I picked it up and answered it.
Where did the spinach go to have a few drinks? The Salad Bar!
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