What goes in dry and comes out wet. The longer I'm in, the stronger I get.
What is the best way to cook alligator meat? With a croc pot!
What's a hen's favorite shipping company?
Federal Egg-spress.
I can't get my wife to try Mediterranean food.
She doesn't like hummus, which is a naan-starter.
What's green and wears a cape?
Super Pickle.
Who were the first cheese lovers ever?
Edam and Eve.
What did the coffee say about its late assignment? Better latte than never.
The orange was really sad at the event because it had no peelings whatsoever for the desperate prune.
It's Taco Night, so on my way home, I grabbed a bag of shredded cheese at the store, queso we needed some more.
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“We are experiencing slight tuber-lence on the flight”
What do donuts wear to weddings? Tuxe-doughs!
What does a cherry say when it delivers bad news? Don't fruit the messenger.The Peach President lost the presidential race because he got im-peached.
Have you ever tried kangaroo meat? I have. It was tasty, but it made me a bit jumpy.
What’s worse than finding a worm in your pear?
Finding half a worm.
What is a cannibal’s favorite cheese?
Limb-burger.
"It isn't good to keep things bottled up."
What does a pizza wear to smell good?
Calzogne.
What do you call one green onion that doesn't listen to anyone and is very naughty? It is called a rapscallion!
One of the most courageous souls in the world is anybody who looks at a pineapple and thinks that “I bet I would eat it.”
I saw a sign earlier that said, "Free Range Eggs."
I've never heard of Range Eggs before but at least they were free so I took some.
What do you call it when someone hits avocados repeatedly with a hammer?
Gu-whack-a-mole-e.
Where did the nut keep his money?
In his cash shoe.
When I was in basic training we couldn't have salt or pepper.
Those were reserved for the seasoned veterans.
Who named their daughter Macadamia?
A couple of nuts.
Did you hear about the guy who forgot to use the colander when making mac and cheese?
His wife gave him a restraining order.
I don’t like mangoes. I asked my boyfriend if he thinks they’ll grow on me one day.
He said “I think they can. You just need to be watered properly.”
"Back that glass up."
What's the difference between a head of lettuce and a unicorn?
One is a funny beast, and the other is a bunny feast!
I told my kids that ketchup can go on anything.
You know, It’s the least condiment denominator.
I tried out a lactose free diet. I stopped because I couldn’t figure out how to milk the almonds.
My mother told me to leave the peach cobbler alone on the table. But I couldn't help but watch the cobbler make the beautiful peach shoes.
Did you hear what happened to the girl who twisted her ankle in the cow’s pen? She was milking her injury!
"I make pour decisions."
What do baristas say to their least-favorite customers? You mocha me crazy.
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I’m not old. I’m aged to perfection. And full bodied.
Whats the best cheese to coax a bear down a mountain? Camembert (Come On Bear)
What were the cheese’s wedding vows?
To havarti and to hold.
Why didn't the butcher cross the road? He didn't want to brisket!
Why did the man put the cake in the freezer? Because his wife told him to ice it!
What did the judge say at the finale of the meat throwing competition? The steaks have never been higher!
I heard they sent a beer into space, destined to leave the solar system. They called it Interstella Artois.
You may want to seek help if you feel despresso when you don't have coffee.
Did you hear about the butcher that backed into the meat grinder?
He got a little behind in his work.
I came across a man who was eating strawberries at the bank. He told me he wanted to eat rich food.
What drives cheese crazy?
That everyone around them is crackers.
The man on the table found hair in his soup. He said in rage "I will take the chef to soup-reme court".
Q: What do you call a scary berry?
A: A boo-berry.
My heart is like an onion...
I'm never getting a discount organ transplant again
Lots of peas work as spies. Espea-onage is very common.
After the death of his wife a few years, the pineapple stands on the graveyard and says “I pine for you, sweetheart!”
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