How do you know it’s getting kind of serious with a cheese lover?
They tell you they are pretty fondue you.
I think it’s funny when I ask girls whether they would spit or swallow my seed if I was a watermelon. Unfortunately, almost all of them reply not in a hundred melon years.
My banana grandad got in an accident last year, he bruised like a peach!
When the peach lost her mother, it left a deep pit in her heart.
Why did the lemon fail its driving test?
Because it kept peeling out
What does a loaf of bread say when breaking up with his girlfriend?
You deserve butter.
If you bake an oatmeal raisin cookie at a temperature of 666 degrees, what do you call it? Raisin hell!
I am going bananas. Thats what i say to my bananas before i leave the house
Where does wine catch up on all the vineyard dirt?
Through the grapevine.
What did the steak say to his girlfriend? You're the apple of my rib-eye!
What happened after the conifer fell in love at the orchard? A pineapple tree.
Why did the orange fall out of the tree?
It went out on a limb.
Why should you make a cherry pie for someone that you miss? Because absence bakes the heart grow fonder.
Why are burgers bad at telling jokes? Because they all are cheesy.
How did the egg get up the hill?
It scrambled up.
What was the donut’s least favorite part of its day?
I’m not really sure; it glazed over that part.
Potato puns are a-peeling.
What do pigs drive? Pigup trucks.
How does a restaurant get the freshest ingredients? They cut a dill.
What did mama bread say to her kids?
It’s way past your breadtime!
What did the coffee say about its late assignment? Better latte than never.
What was the pumpkin's favorite sport?
Squash.
How is bacon like southern Europe?
It's got a lot of Greece in it.
Q: Which basketball players eat fruits?
A: The ones who like to cherry pick.
I mashed a few mangoes, pineapples, melons, strawberries, and grapes into a 🍲. Served the mash to guests visiting my place.
Called the dish, Mea Pulpa.
What is the executioner’s favorite vegetable?
A head of lettuce.
What do you call solid gold bananas? A bunch of money.
Every girl is just like a pineapple: They both have many pointy defences, but they are still sweet and adorable.
What do you call two pears?
A pair.
Pumpkin Spice season is finally here, better latte than never.
When does a hot dog have a close shave? At the barber-cue!
What’s sweet and goes woof?
Pupcakes!
Why do bananas have to wear sunscreen?
Because they peel.
Why didn’t the peach do well on its ACT? Because when it comes to education, it only gets a little STEM.
There are two types of people in this world: People who love chocolate and liars. A study says that chocolate may lower your chances of a stroke. That is, a swimming stroke, a golf stroke, a tennis stroke.
I stopped eating pea soup. I gave it up for lentil.
Which is the most religious cheese? Swiss, because it is holy.
When should you take a cookie to the doctor? When it feels crummy. What do the cookie and the computer have in common? They both have chips.
Thanks to you, I’m saddled with unnecessary peelings.
What do you call a cow that only produces almond milk? One that went nuts.
Egg-Plant a kiss on me.
When I was younger, I once smashed up a nest of heron's eggs.
No egrets.
Back in the early 2010s, the peach children loved to flock around to listen to Peach Pit.
Once I got peas stuck in my ear. I had to make people re-pea-t themselves.
Why did the citrus fruit join the military?
“Because it was a navel orange.”
Did you hear about the cheese shop that was destroyed by a tornado?
All that’s left is da brie.
Cows don’t make very good cops. They refuse to go on steak outs.
What do sophisticated fish drink? Salt-Tea.
Did I invite you to the Barbecue?
Then why are you all up in my grill?
Dad, do you like baked apples? Yes son, why? The orchard's on fire.
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