Why was the white wine's off-beat pun so boo-ed?
Because it was too corky.
I've got a really good vegetable pun.
I’d tell you but I’m worried you’d think it’s too corny.
What do you get when you cross a pig and a centipede? Bacon and Legs.
Strawberries love delicious food. Their favorite is Jam-balaya.
What do you get with surprise peas?
Wet legs
What does a cat lady say on Friday night?
I am drinking wine and feline fine!
Why is it called Almond Milk?
Because no one would buy it if it was called Nut Juice.
Why did they put Viagra in chocolate bars? You eat it, She says, "Oh, Oh Henry!"
If a crocodile makes shoes, what can you make out of a banana?
Slippers!
If Megan Fox is a cake, then what is Amanda Bynes? A fruitcake.
How do you know the French Onion is Canadian?
Because the oignon est!
Why did the kid keep falling off his bike? It had a banana seat.
What happens when you rub two oranges together?
You get Pulp Friction.
What’s the difference between England’s football team and a tea bag
A tea bag stays longer in the cup.
What did the judge say at the finale of the meat throwing competition? The steaks have never been higher!
It is a bad film because good ones tend to have created atop day-old soup.
What’s a nut’s favorite Shakespeare line?
“To be or nut to be.”
What’s a calendars favorite fruit?
Dates.
How do you make dog bread? You use collie flour.
How did the hotdog overcome his fear of ketchup? He mustered up the courage.
Did you hear about the scientist that studied nectarines? He won the Nobel Peach Prize.
How did the vineyard launch the new champagne making business?
They crashed a small boat into it.
Broccoli: I look like a tree. Walnut: I look like a brain. Mushroom: I look like an umbrella. Banan Can we change the topic?
Why do farmers make terrible comedians?
Their jokes are corny!
What is the difference between a pineapple and a school bus? The little pricks are at the inside of the bus, but on the outside of the pineapple.
Why is pumpkin pie so much better than sweet potato pie?
Sweet potatoes are ungourdly.
What do you call a socialite made of cheese?
Paris Stilton.
What do cherries say to their best friends? You are cherrific!
"I mead more wine."
Dad Ordered Taco Bell
Asked how many Dillas come in their Ques 'a Dillas
Why have a mer little when you can have a merlot?
What do sophisticated fish drink? Salt-Tea.
You might be startled to see a hamburger working out in your local gym. Don’t worry, they’re just there because they want better buns.
What is a monkey's favorite cookie? Chocolate chimp!
Meat cutters are really no good at stand up comedy; they tend to butcher all the best jokes.
I thought of a new joke that started in a corn field.
But I'm not going to post it bc it's too corny.
Ever heard of French Donuts?
They’re the Beigne of my existence.
What Welsh cheese must you always eat with caution? Caerphilly
What lives in apples and is an avid reader? A bookworm !
How does a vampire make tea? With a used tampon.
I tried calling my fruit friend thrice, but could not peach him, as his phone was out of peach.
Why did the donut go to the doctor?
He was feeling crumby.
Swallowing a cherry stone is not the end of the world. It’s just one of life’s little pitfalls.
They fired the loaf of bread from her job. They say that she kept breaking down and would rye on the job.
What did the waitress say to the customer who wanted free guacamole?
“You can kiss my Hass.“
Eggs are going up again.
That'll surprise a few chickens.
I had lunch once with a chess player at a restaurant with checked tablecloths. It took him 3 hours to pass me the salt.
What do you call a womanising chocolate? A cad-bury.
The bread actor was sad because he lost a juicy roll.
What did the cheese call himself after he got dumped?
Forever provolone.
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