What cut of meat do you get from an extremely tired butcher?
A filet mid-yawn
You’re the tater to my tot. I miss you a lot!
I came across a man who was eating strawberries at the bank. He told me he wanted to eat rich food.
Why do oranges wear suntan lotion? They peel in the sun.
It is a great idea to ask peaches to make your shoes. After all, they make excellent cobblers.
What's a barista's favorite exercise at the gym? The French press.
Did you know you can make a really good music player out of a cherry cake? It’s called a gateau blaster.
This is a taco and burrito conversation.
Nachos.
You're about half as likely to die from a vegetable pun as you artichoke.
Why did the nut go to the bank?
To cashew its check.
How do you make a milkshake? Give a cow a pogo stick.
What activity should you do when you’re babysitting little cheeses?
Build a roquefort.
What did one orange say to its friend telling a wild story?
“That’s un-peel-ievalbe!”
What do you call a cow in a rooster costume? Roost beef.
Did you hear about the love affair between sugar and cream? It was icing on the cake.
My dad always used to tell me, "Never put all your eggs in one basket."
Which is probably why we lost the Easter egg hunt.
She drank so much coffee at work, she considered it part of her daily grind.
Why did the farmer hang raincoats all over his orchard? Someone told him he should get an apple Mac
What kind of salad do termites eat?
House salad
What do you call one green onion that doesn't listen to anyone and is very naughty? It is called a rapscallion!
What did the orange do the night before the exam?
He put his nose to the “g-rind-stone” and read the entire textbook.
Why is corn popular around Halloween?
Because it’s so earie.
What is Whitney Houston's favorite kind of lettuce?
Ennnnnnndddiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiivvvee.
What is the suckiest fruit?
A strawberry.
What’s a potatoes favorite horror movie? The Silence of the Yams.
How is divorce like espresso? It's bitter and expensive.
Why did the cheese shop owner finally quit the business?
He was tired of the daily rind.
What was the main job of the bread truck? To haul buns.
Why does your grandma like wine so much?
Because at her age, she needs glasses!
If you eat too many cherries, you can sometimes end up with digestive issues. It really is the pits.
When I told my friend an onion pun, he started crying. I asked whether they were tears of happiness?
Who did the Caribbean jerk fall in love with? The Spice Girl next door.
A cued peach visual communication system is used with people suffering from peach and hearing impairment.
How do you know it's cold outside? When you milk a brown cow you get chocolate ice cream!
I hate lentils but I love peas. They're more ap-peas-ing to my pealate.
Where’s the best place to find out information about pistachios?
The inter-nut.
What is the most affordable type of meat? Deer, it is always under a buck a pound.
What’s a milk’s favorite fruit? Cow-conuts.
A motivated nut is a pecan. Because pe-can do anything.
What does a mommy cherry say to her children? I love you cherry much.
Q: Why did the pea sell his car?
A: The back seat didn’t have enough legume.
My wife asked me why I bought a pear tree.
I told her "what, you told me to grow a pear."
Strawberries love to travel. Their favorite mode of transport is the wind-jam-mer.
A strawberry will never help another strawberry because they tend to always get into jams.
Broccoli: I look like a tree. Walnut: I look like a brain. Mushroom: I look like an umbrella. Banan Can we change the topic?
What is the favorite punk band of onions? It is a band known as "Good Shallot"!
What do you call solid gold bananas? A bunch of money.
Why did the lemon fail its driving test?
Because it kept peeling out
What happens to a nervous nut?
It cracks.
What do you call a house that likes food? a Condoment!
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