What’s another name for a chess-nut? A nut who loves chess.
What does a hippy cherry wear to a festival? A pie dye T-shirt.
The bowl of soup you bought yesterday from the Chinese restaurant was souper terrible.
How did the nut study for its test?
It used the inter-nut.
What kind of socks do you need to plant cayenne pepper? Garden hose!
Why are they called tacos?
They don’t say much.
What's the difference between a bipolar person and a loft full of lemons?
One's a bit erratic and the other's a bitter attic.
I was hoping my friend would catch the lemon-lime soda i tossed her.
But unfortunately Sierra Mist
You spilled your entire cup of coffee? What's sumatra with you?
What do you call an ant dipped in chocolate? Decad-ant.
I lost one pea from my plate at dinner the other day. It was an escape-pea.
"Back that glass up."
The problem with collecting wine is that you always end up getting screwed.
If you leave alphabet soup on the stove and leave, it could spell disaster.
Good work, we’re raising your annual celery
The watermelon plant didn’t like sharing a garden with passion vines; but they started to grow on him.
Do you know the hardest part about making skimmed milk? Having to throw the cows across the lake.
Why did the vegetable thief wet his pants?
Because he took a leek!
What do you get when you cross a pig and a centipede? Bacon and Legs.
What is a potato’s life philosophy? I think, therefore I yam.
What do you call a frozen frankfurter? A Chili dog.
How does a robot eat it’s guacamole?
Microchips.
What kind of candy is never on time? ChocoLATE
When I took a break from having soup, my mom said "Carry on, why did you stoup?"
He ordered 6 vodkas, 6 beers and 6 lemonades. The bartender asked if he would like a tray.
"No I have enough to carry as it is."
How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.
What kind of wine is aged to purr-fection?
Mos-cat-o!
What do chickens serve at birthday parties?
Coop-cakes!
I don't like cutting up a peach. I think it's because of the pits.
Why does everyone want ice cream to be on their team?
Because with them, anything is popsicle.
He was showing off his new gaming gadget, "it has the latest peach recognition technology" he said.
Why couldn’t the cheese sleep?
He was scared there was a munster under the bed.
Why didn’t the pineapple fit in with the other fruit? Because it’s rough around the edges.
Yesterday I went to the store for only 2 items, a rising crust pizza and a strawberry cake. Fortunately they were relatively light, so bringing it home was a pizza cake!
"My day just went from super to sip-erb, real quick."
What do all the onions decide to do over unfair wages? They decide to form a labor onion.
Some types of meat like to play around a lot. These are generally the game types.
Onions are great at being psychologists as they let people cry their hearts out in front of them.
Picking strawberries can be a very fruitful endeavor!
"Scone be a lot of fun. Wheat love for you to join us."
What drink do goalies hate? Penal-tea.
What did the street cheese say after he got attacked by several blades? I've felt grater.
What did the toast say to the psychic?
You bread my mind!
Potato puns are a-peeling.
When Berry the dog dug up the woman's strawberry patch, she angrily exclaimed "That is the final straw, Berry."
When you finish the lemons that life gives you;
Sublime.
During the summer break, I enrolled myself in a peach coding course.
What do you get if you cross a pumpkin with a bigfoot?
A Sasquash.
What's green and got two wheels?
A motorpickle.
When you cross a train engine with a strawberry tart, you make a puff pastry.
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