What do you call a steak hurtling through space? A meat-ior!
What happened when the onion tried to cross the bridge guarded by Gandalf? Gandalf shouted, "You shallot pass this bridge!"
A berry funny strawberry candy is called a Laffy taffy.
Potato puns are a-peeling.
What do you call an anthropomorphic animal blended in ice cream?
A McFurry
What do you calla watermelon that just won’t stop committing crimes? A watefelon.
I made some fish tacos last night....
But they just ignored them and swam away.
That cola syrup is made by squeezing a kola nut.
That was soda pressing.
Did you hear the one about the pecan, the walnut, and the cashew?
It was nut funny.
Grandma: Do you like Hummus? Me: I love Hummus....and I sometimes like to singus!
What do you call the Commander of a vegetable army?
A kernel.
What is the most affordable type of meat? Deer, it is always under a buck a pound.
What kind of wine do they serve at the horse races?
Chardon-neigh!
Why did the pineapple’s phone die? It needed juice.
Berries are the most fashionista of the fruits, they can really cherry off the wildest outfits.
Where did the milk write everything about her life? In her dairy.
Mom: Why did you shave the peaches!
Dad: The recipe asked for nectarines.
Remember to stop and smell the rosé.
What happens if you swallow a whole corn cob?
You get corn-stipated!
When you cross a train engine with a strawberry tart, you make a puff pastry.
What do you get when you cross a human and a pear?
A pear-son.
The only thing that looks like half a strawberry is the other half.
What do dogs like to drink? Kit-Tea.
Apples and oranges had a conversation one day. Guess what the apples were saying the oranges, nothing stupid, apples don’t talk.
Why do ice cream cones make such bad athletes?
They always get licked.
The young lady had to throw her toaster in the trash. She was diagnosed as black-toast intolerant.
What do you get when you drink milk
A moostache
Why will you never meet an ice cream workaholic?
They know how to chill out.
My mother told me to leave the peach cobbler alone on the table. But I couldn't help but watch the cobbler make the beautiful peach shoes.
Why did Mrs. Wine Grape run away from home?
She was tired of raisin a family.
Why did the hipster burn his tongue? Because he ate his soup before it was cool.
What was the watermelon’s naughty pick-up line?
“Want to see my melons?”
Why did the potato wear socks?
To keep his pota-toes warm.
What do you call meat balls falling from the sky? A meat-ior shower.
Picking strawberries can be a very fruitful endeavor!
Who did the Caribbean jerk fall in love with? The Spice Girl next door.
What do you call a nut with a hairy upper lip?
A mustach-io
Did you hear about the watermelon who starred in a telanovella?
“It was melondramatic.”
Tonight my wife was making dinner and she was using some fresh peas. She dropped some on the floor.
My 4 year old said “mummy, you’ve pee’d on the floor”
Needless to say I was in stitches.
What did the expired milk say after being picked up way past its due date? It was well beyond their wildest creams.
Where do you most often find onions having a drink? In the salad bar.
A con artist tried to convince me he could ejaculate deli meat
What a load of bologna.
I steal my eggs from my next door neighbor.
I prefer them poached.
What do you call a pickle from the southern backwoods.
A hill-dilly.
what does a female corn do when she likes a male corn?
she corn-fesses.
An organization that citricises its workers cannot get the maximum juice out of them.
Me: I think I'll take a dip in the pool.
Lifeguard: What ya got there?
Me: Hummus.
The unripe strawberry wasn't added to the starting lineup of the game because he was too green.
This Halloween I'm gourd out of my mind!
A skeleton walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a beer and a mop.
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